Graduating without going on a single date, PLEASE HELP!

Colleges & Universities University of California - Berkeley
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<p>I’m a 21 year old male studying engineering at Cal, and despite being in my 4th year I haven’t managed to so much as kiss a girl, let alone go on a date or anything else. I’ve probably held hands and hugged girls less times than most guys have had sex. At this rate, I’m going to end up graduating college without a single intimate experience with the opposite sex.</p>

<p>Part of it is because of the workload, but even after I went out of my way to attend parties and other social events, nothing has clicked. Either I can’t maneuver the conversation to a point where it wouldn’t be weird to ask the girl out, or she rejects me on the spot. On one occasion I managed to convince a girl to let me buy her dinner, but the only thing I got out of it was the bill for her meal.</p>

<p>I feel pathetic. College is supposed to be the best time for meeting potential partners (or at least flings), and it seems like everyone in college has at least kissed someone at a party or something. Is there anything I can do?? Or is it too late? Meeting girls in the working world is going to be even harder, given my technical field. I just want to have one experience with the opposite sex before I graduate. Can you recommend any dating websites designed for desperate college students?</p>

<p>Anyone else in my boat, or am I truly alone here? Any advice would be appreciated!</p>

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<p>Stop thinking about it as dating. Think of it as hanging out.</p>

<p>I was just at CalSO on Friday. I decided to eat dinner at The Golden Bear. As I was sitting down at a table outside, I noticed a girl about to sit down at a table. I had never met her obviously, but she seemed to be alone. I said, “Hey, would you like to join me?” Simple, right? She sat down and we had a decent conversation for 20 minutes. “What’s your major? What classes are you taking? Any decent restaurants around here?” Fluff, but necessary fluff.</p>

<p>Just do that at every opportunity. You’re not asking a girl out, you’re just talking to people who happen to be female. Eventually you’ll really click with one. When you do, say, “Hey, we should get together sometime. Can I get your number?” If she says yes, great. Call her in a couple days, say you’ll be at Strada or wherever in a few hours, say she should meet you there if she’s free. </p>

<p>Maybe she’ll show up, maybe she won’t. It doesn’t really matter since you were going to be there anyway. If she shows, talk some more. If things go well, say you’re hungry and take her with you to go get food. Again, simple.</p>

<p>If she says no at any point, what have you lost? Cal has, what, 8,000+ female undergraduates? You’ll be talking to another one in a couple hours, and maybe you’ll click better with her. Your attitude should be “Hey, you seem cool, I’d like to get to know you a bit more, but it’s no big deal if you’re busy or whatever.” </p>

<p>Remember, you’re always busy, and you’re always doing something–ideally something you can suggest she join you for, as an afterthought. The only time you have time to meet up is if she wants to join you at something you’re already doing. I don’t care if you stay in your bedroom from 5PM-7AM every day, you’re always busy. Got it?</p>

<p>Anyway, I’m no Don Juan, but I was shocked at how easy it was to talk to people at Cal. Everyone seemed really friendly and approachable–it helps that we’re all sort of pre-selected as Berkeley students. You may be a dork (I am), but you’re not a loser if you’re at Cal, if that makes sense.</p>

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<p>I agree with @nick_scheu; the whole suave, cool thing is cute.
No pressure, just take it as hanging out.</p>

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<p>lmao it’s funny that THAT’s important to u before graduating but i get it. I get it. But at least your not one of those creepy guys at frats who just go after random girls. Just be friends with someone for a little while.</p>

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<p>As a mom who stumbled onto this post ( I was intrigued by the headline!), I’d also tell you to step back and examine yourself and what you expect from a girl. I found it disturbing to think that you think that you should get something from a girl in return for buying her dinner; if you didn’t mean it that way, that’s the way it reads and maybe the girls are getting the wrong impression too.
Do you have good conversational skills or do you limit yourself to technical areas? Do you dress nicely when you go out- not always in rumpled jeans and a hoodie, and is good hygiene a regular part of your daily routine? Do you belong to any campus groups, technical societies, religious groups, etc? Volunteer somewhere- campus blood drives, Relay for Life American Cancer Society events, theatre ushering, there are females all over! And before you jump on me for what I said, let me tell you that I have one son who has been out in the work force for a decade, a daughter in college now and a son who will start next fall, and I’d tell my boys the very same thing.
Hang out in groups- maybe have a bunch of you go out after your last class and invite everyone within earshot in the class. Knowing that women make up a goodly portion of the engineering majors at Eastern engineering schools, I would think that there are plenty of girls at Cal.
And don’t worry about meeting women when you are working- you will encounter them everywhere from the next cubicle to the job site to the nice young woman who makes your coffee at in the morning or who serves you a sandwich at lunch. She doesn’t have to be in the same field, in fact workplaces frown on dating co-workers.
Relax, have fun and please don’t treat the remainder of this school year as some sort of sexual must-have event. You’re just going to stress yourself and everyone around you.</p>

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<p>^Agreed. “Hook-ups” are creepy. Get out there to make friends, and maybe get involved with one girl who’s worth it, eventually. Don’t get out there to get with a bunch of girls.</p>

<p>So @LemonCat, where in the midwest are you from? How’d you end up at Berkeley?</p>

<p>(@Dateless, see what I did there?)</p>

<p>((@Dateless, see what I did there, times two? First, I ask basic questions of LemonCat based on what little I know of her–that’s the first level. But then I follow-up with the comment directed to you, which tells LemonCat that they weren’t real questions for her, which is like half-rejecting her, even after she indirectly called me cute. </p>

<p>If she answers the questions anyway, I’m golden. If she doesn’t–well, they weren’t real questions anyway. See how this works?))</p>

<p>(((Note how I expressed both interest and rejection at the same time, and then acted as though she called me cute, even though she really didn’t. I put the thought in her head, that maybe she actually does think I’m cute [my digital persona, that is].)))</p>

<p>How’s that for a convoluted post? ;-)</p>

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<p>^ What a pro.</p>

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<p>Knowing that women make up a goodly portion of the engineering majors at Eastern engineering schools, I would think that there are plenty of girls at Cal.</p>

<p>EECS? Women??? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?</p>

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<p>Hahahahaha, that was the cutest thing ever xD</p>

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<p>nick scheu is a pro. Listen to this guy. Seriously, I used to be someone like you in highschool but then I decided to do something about it. Its all about getting out of your comfort zone. Try reading “How to win friends and influence people” by dale carnegie to become more sociable. Also try reading “The Game” by Neil Strauss - if you do get the real message at the end of the book, you need to read more carefully. </p>

<p>The thing with women is that you have to think with an abundance mentality. Don’t put the puzzie on the pedestal. Get rid of the “nice guy” mentality. You might think that you are being “nice” by doing stuff for her, but its pretty sleazy if your true intentions are just to get in her pants. </p>

<p>Basically do what nick described. Don’t look too needy. Mention that you will be at some event and it would be great if they went too. Doesn’t matter if they go or not, just have a good time. Also protip - girls are more receptive to sleep over if they have seen your room before the date. Makes them feel less nervous of going to an unknown place at night…</p>

<p>Just be a confident guy. Loosen up. Give value in social interactions.</p>

<p>-From another engineering guy who hits on 10 girls a day everyday.</p>

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<p>10? Weak. Up the ante brah.</p>

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<p>I feel for you OP. It’s not easy especially if you’re in EECS.
But I don’t envy those fret boys (they seem to hang out with girls all the time).
Actually I dislike those d-bags.</p>

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<p>Bam.</p>

<p>[10char]</p>

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<p>■■■■■■■■■■■■.com – I believe that should be ideal for you :slight_smile: Or what about a date, hm? Engineering guys are cute :)</p>

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<p>^We actually talked on DMS. After a few messages and then emails, I gave you my number and then never heard from you. :)</p>

<p>I’m not saying this is what happened with Artinka, but the usual problem with online dating is the time involved. You have to spend so long convincing the other person you’re not a psycho before you meet, and then if you finally get together, you practically start from scratch anyway. That would be fine if the two people knew there was a connection, but there usually isn’t. Best to spend 20 minutes figuring that out in person, than three weeks online and then 20 minutes in person.</p>

<p>Online dating also backs the guy into corners. It’s generally bad to give your number to a girl–you’re supposed to get hers. But online, the psycho-appearance issues force the guy to be more passive. It also leaves no options. When Artinka didn’t call or text me, I was done. I couldn’t call her obviously, and I couldn’t email her again.</p>

<p>Anyway, online dating has its place (early 30s seems to be the best time), but I’d stay away from it while in college. Sign up, sure, but make it secondary to real-world interaction.</p>

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<p>Hmm engineering . . . good shot that you’re either Asian or have a massive Asian fetish. In any case, a comprehensive guide to getting Asian ■■■■■ [Girlfriends</a> - Page 2](<a href=“Girlfriends - Page 2”>Girlfriends - Page 2)</p>

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<p>haha, I was joking, actually :slight_smile: I’m not really that much available to date at this time; don’t date more people at once… :slight_smile: But just wanted to say what all the other people have just said before me – dating is not really a big thing; be cool and women will fall in love with you ;)</p>

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<p>Well just follow the guide I linked to for some bangin’ boji.</p>

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<p>Artinka, it’s cruel to joke like that, you actually got my hopes up for a second :<</p>

<p>I’m a little surprised by how easy you guys are making this out to be, and a little disappointed that my fears are pretty much confirmed: Pretty much every college graduate has at least kissed someone.</p>

<p>It matters not whether I think of it as “dating” or “hanging out”. The thing is, I actually get very few opportunities to even interact with the opposite sex. I have next to no female friends, and I don’t really know anybody who throws parties, so I often have trouble finding opportunities to meet girls. My major and my hobbies are all male dominated. Short of ambushing a girl who I’ve never met while she’s eating her sandwich, there isn’t much I can do to meet girls.</p>

<p>There is no “abundance” of girls in my case. Oftentimes months pass between interactions with the opposite sex. Every single rejection is a big deal for me because I get so few opportunities that missing even one is a huge issue. I am a socially awkward 21 year old with no confidence due to years of unconditional rejection. My appearance probably doesn’t do me favors either. It’s not that easy to just strike up a conversation with someone you’ve never met before with no justification but “hey, you’re alone, want company?”</p>

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<p>Dude that guide covers everything from appearance, including exactly where to shop and what to buy plus some health and fitness tips, to demeanour, including how to act in almost every broad category of social situations. If there’s no abundance of bangin boji, then hit up places where there are an abundance of bangin boji. I know your gut instinct doesn’t tell you to take me seriously because I sound rather immature and rash, but come on . . . you’re getting great vague advice, but there’s an actual GUIDE =p</p>