<p>For the past 5-10 years my mom has been giving everyone in the family a cash birthday gift that is a multiple of their age. It used to be 10 x age, which was sort of quaint. Now we are all older and she is more generous, the factor has gone up to age x 100. I guess it wouldn’t bug me so much except that I am almost 10 years younger than my next oldest sibling. I should just be grateful that I have time on my side, but it just doesn’t feel fair. Am I being petty?</p>
<p>Wow, that is awfully generous! I think that folks should just count their blessings when they are gifted. It doesn’t matter if the gift is “fair.” If it’s a gift and you’re not asked your opinion, smile and be grateful. If you start grumbling, you may be seen as ungrateful and undeserving.</p>
<p>Even if I thought the way the gift is determined is unfair, it’s not my money and not my choice. If your sibs feel it is unfair, they could opt to share with you–or not. Yes, if there is 10 years between you, the older sibs would get an extra 10 x 100 = $1000, but maybe mom figures that their expenses are also higher. I consider all gifts “windfalls,” not to count on but just surprises to be grateful for. Counting other folks’ money is always a bad idea–mom’s or sibs.</p>
<p>So you’re getting only, what, $3,500 or $4,000 a year?? Yes, I think it’s petty to complain that your siblings are getting more. Your mother is very generous!</p>
<p>Yes. This a great example of life simply is not fair. Be grateful for the birthday gift and for having your Mom in your life. It is impossible for parents to always spend evenly on their children - college costs will differ - one will need glasses or braces - you can’t expect equality.</p>
<p>Age x $100 sounds pretty generous. I would not complain.</p>
<p>Be grateful that your parent(s) are alive. The fact that they give you any money as an adult is gravy. </p>
<p>If you really think it is unfair…your parents (if like most) has less money when you siblings were growing up and could give them fewer ‘things’. You probably had it ‘better’ than they did. So if you want to make it ‘fair’ in your head, it likely all balances out…but yes, that is pretty petty. </p>
<p>If it were my family, I would problably suggest to my siblings that we put most if not all of that money into an account in case it is needed for my parents’ well-being later in life.</p>
<p>Wow, I’m jealous. Yes, IMO, this is a pettiness thing. Your mom seems like a wonderful person and I wouldn’t complain. Be grateful for what you’re getting. </p>
<p>In our family, things are handed out equally, so that every ‘child’ gets the same amount and doesn’t feel slighted. I have to agree with the OP that I personally would feel slighted. Better that everyone gets less, but the same amount to avoid feeling disappointed. No reason for a parent to give adult children (or granchildren) different amounts. IMHO.</p>
<p>Funny thing: my inlaws gave gifts based age. Not ok. We insisted that we would even it out. And this isn’t about being grateful. It is about being fair.</p>
<p>Think about the fact that when your mother switched from a multiplier of 10 to a multiplier of 100, whatever age you were, your siblings missed out on 10 years when you got MORE than they had gotten at your same age.</p>
<p>I agree that it all eventually balances out.</p>
<p>ie: when my older sister graduated from high school, my parents bought her a brand-new car. However, I continued to drive the hand-me-down '99 Chrysler Concorde until this past June (when I graduated from graduate school.) To some that might seem unfair; however, my sister stayed living at home, went to City College for several years, and then to a nearby state school–again, while commuting from home–while also working.</p>
<p>I went to a state school 400 miles away, and didn’t work for the first 2 years of school, so my parents were paying my housing and most of my living expenses. When I graduated from grad school they offered to help me put a down payment on my car, but because I needed one quicker than they could get the money together, we opted instead to trade in the Chrysler (which they bought and paid for, but due to insurance purposes was titled in my name) so that we didn’t have to put cash down. So really, I got the $400 the dealership gave us for the Chrysler (fair…it was in rough shape), all the money they had put into it, and the cost of the car, plus all the money they had paid for insurance and maintenance over the years.</p>
<p>I also got their financial support during both college and graduate school, and the ability to move back home after grad school when I didn’t immediately have a job lined up.</p>
<p>Keeping score between siblings is a BAD idea. I have a brother who is 11 years older than me, and from speaking with him, it’s almost like we grew up in a different home. My parents’ financial situation was very different. It just doesn’t make sense to keep track–and it doesn’t matter. We all grew up in a loving home and had the things we needed. That’s what matters.</p>
<p>Be thankful for the gifts and put the money in a CD or mutual fund–it will work for you. If you’re young, you have time to take risks with that money. Talk to an investment specialist; they can help you invest it.</p>
<p>My mom bent over backwards trying to be “fair,” and it was impossible. My sister or I always thought the other sibling was getting more. So I made it clear to my kids that we would take care of them and give them gifts, but there is no effort made to be “fair.” Of course, we actually try to make things even, but they sure know not to complain.</p>
<p>^yup. It’s impossible to be totally fair/equal. My parents do their best, but when it comes down to it, different children have different needs. My brother and I have always been more independent, but sometimes ask out parents for help with larger things. My sister lives at home so doesn’t get as many big-ticket items. Like I said, at the end of the day, things even out. And it really doesn’t make sense to keep track. It’ll cause more trouble than it’s worth.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your honesty and setting me straight. I know I’m being petty, I’m lucky my mom is so generous. I think the slighted feeling goes with lifelong baggage of always being “less” because I was younger. Mom made it to every milestone event for my oldest brother and his family, but by the time it got to me and my family it was sort of “eh, been there done that”. I probably did benefit from a better lifestyle as a pseudo only child once the older sibs were out of the house. And thanks chocchipcookie (mmm makes me hungry!) for validating my feelings too. </p>
<p>If you invest her gifts, the fact that you are younger will make it so that you can earn more money from the gifts than your older siblings can.
I lost both my parents pretty young; I wish they were still around even if I had to take care of them.</p>
<p>Petty.</p>
<p>" your siblings missed out on 10 years when you got MORE than they had gotten at your same age"</p>
<p>Aside from the feelings involved, this is has the potential to be an interesting math problem. The above comment would only make sense if my mom were going to outlive all of us and we all were going to live to the same age. There’s also inflation to consider. My future age based dollars are going to be worth much less than the dollars my siblings are getting now. Now I’m being sarcastic, I’ll take the advice to be grateful for what I have!</p>
<p>It might be fun to put the gift money into an account to be used to do fun things with your folks–nice meal out, staying at a resort together, or investing in something. When gifts are NOT joyful to you, consider donating them to someone or a charity that really needs it and counting your lucky stars!</p>
<p>My mom tries her darndest to be fair to all of us. She used to give each of us $50 now she gives everyone $100. Should she give the person who is single and has no partner or kids only $100 instead of the $600 that the families of 6 get? Is that more or less fair? </p>
<p>There was a thread at one point about someone who was upset that a sib got a gift when married and the person posting didn’t plan to get married and wanted his/her share. That was another case of counting someone else’s money and most posting did NOT support that perspective.</p>
<p>It’s a gift, so presumably you’re not dependant on it. It’s a $1000 difference between you and your sibling. It’s not a tremendous amount of money. </p>
<p>To be honest it is a little bit unfair but it’s not like she’s giving your siblings Rolexes & you slipper socks.
So don’t feel resentful coz that will just make you rack up a huge therapy bill later on.
Accept it in the spirit given.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter if it’s fair or not - it’s not your choice to tell her how she should spend her money. </p>