I read somewhere on CC some time ago a piece of advice to wade carefully with significant others. That BF or GF you may feel “eh” about, might just be in your life & be family for the next 40 years.
This was extremely helpful to me at the time, and to this day. I think you @momocarly might be able to apply this kind mental jiu-jitsu. What if you worked to cultivate a sense of “this is going to be great for this couple and for this baby”?
After all, with challenging kids, I think we as parents can get used to expecting the worst. If not the worst, something on the “bad” side of the spectrum of outcomes. But we don’t know. No one has a crystal ball, and although we may feel certain that “this will not end well”, we just don’t know (hat tip to my therapist!).
It’s going to happen, whatever happens, so why not try to find the joy, or at least contentment & acceptance in what life throws our way. As you said, it’s their problem to solve. How different would you feel if you believed both of them were 100% capable? You deserve peace of mind! Hugs!