Those of you who know about the topic, would you be kind enough to share any piece of information that you think is noteworthy to a family that knows zero about Greek life? My son is looking at a school that is “25% Greek” and my perception of fraternities is a kid dying on the couch of alcohol poisoning and nobody noticing, or being hazed to death. We didn’t go to college, have no experience with Greek life, and don’t know a single person who has ever been in a fraternity or sorority. So if you have a sense of how large a percentage of Greek life takes over a campus, what the joining process is like, how safe it is to join, absolutely anything, I would appreciate your insight and information. I’ve been reading the Alabama video thread and it’s another language entirely. Thanks much!
I think that that 25% looks different on different campuses. Is the school a commuter college where everyone leaves on the weekends except the Greeks? Then that 25% will fell different than a residential college where everyone lives on campus and so 75% of those hanging around won’t be Greek. The presence of Greek life wasn’t a deal-breaker for my kids, but they did end up at schools with no school-recognized Greeks.
Well, you’ve stepped into a very big topic here at CC.
I’ll just jump in and say that my kid is at a school that’s 25% Greek (so 75% of the students forgo it). It does have a big impact on daily life…at least during these early days. That said, I’m grateful that my kids don’t have any interest in it. I feel that it constricts a kid’s experience by grouping them only with like-minded individuals. It brings down their world to a very small one at just the moment when the world should be eyes wide open.
That said, there are many here who loved the environment and the friends they made and I respect those opinions!
So I truly think you’ll need to look at it from the perspective of your own kid and family.
Our entire family is Greek (both parents and all three kids, plus about half of our close relatives). It is not for everyone, but for those who enjoy organized social activities, leadership opportunities and a large contingent of friends and alumni networks, it is more than worthwhile. Other plusses are housing, which can be better and cheaper than the non-Greek alternatives, organized philanthropic activities, incentive to keep up grades, and access to older students who can show your son the ropes of college. The biggest negative is the pain if your son does not get an invitation to join the house he wants, or gets no invitations at all. Other negatives are that there will be drinking (but this happens for most non-Greeks too), mandatory meetings that can feel onerous, and dues expenses.
I’m sure I’ve left out some things others can fill in.
D went to a school with a strong Greek presence. But it had no effect on her social life whatsoever. When you are in a large music department or music school you have PLENTY of “organized philanthropic activities, incentive to keep up grades, and access to older students who can show your son the ropes of college” without the negative aspects of greekiness.
(I am assuming your son is continuing his music studies ((?))
There was a Music Sorority but her teacher forbade her from joining.
Thank you all. Lots of food for thought.
Musicamusica, he is absolutely continuing with his music (but no marching band!), which is how he noticed that there is such a thing as a music fraternity.
Bay’s list was almost comprehensive. To it I would simply add this:
- Greek orgs (tend to) take part in volunteer/charity work. While I was at UW-Madison, our fraternity helped out at Habitat For Humanity, donated toys for Toys For Tots, and donated food to local food pantries.
Sometimes it may seem that the generally stated objective of helping the person develop into a (more) respectful, hard-working, helpful, honorable individual may seem silly, but some of the activities and goals of our group – and presumably other Greek orgs – were aimed at delivering exactly that product.
My D went to a college with a very strong Greek presence. As a result I completely discouraged my two younger sons from attending that school. She ended up pledging a sorority because “everyone” did, but the rush process was a miserably exclusive situation. The school has a reputation for a misogynistic, party school culture because of the Greek scene.
It varies a lot by school and by chapter. I attended a school that was about 30% Greek (still is, I checked) so Greek life had a strong presence there. On the other hand the system was fairly laid back and anyone who really wanted to pledge could find a place in the system. There was a lot of social interaction between the Greek and non-Greeks which may have been due to the size of the school ( about 5000 students).
FWIW - neither of my parents finished college or were Greek although my older brother was in a fraternity. We re middle class and from a small town.
Since he is going to study music, I would discourage him from joining a fraternity. Music students tend to meet and socialize with lots of other music students (due to ensemble work and practice time) and because of that they rarely have time for all the requisite fraternity or sorority functions. And, as I said previously, I would not fret about a large Greek presence. As a music student he will have plenty of other distractions.
I was in a fraternity, my wife was invited to join a sorority but declined, neither of my first two was interested. We have one still at home who may join when the time comes. I’ll add my two cents.
Fraternities have an outsize influence on social life, so 25% greek usually means they control 50% of the partying. Women have easy access, men much less so unless they have a friend inside.
Don’t let SE fraternity stories influence a NE kid (assuming he is staying in your area) - the systems and expectations are very different and much more laid back. Missing fraternity events won’t be an issue at most of them.
Aim for the middle. Fit is important, and, like people, each fraternity has its own personality. As a musician, he will need one with a variety of interests within the house. Freshmen have the bad habit of trying to brag to impress, trying to get into “reach” houses with higher social rank, but being himself and finding a house where he would be in the middle of guys with the same values is important for happiness.
Watch the alcohol - the desire for freshmen to overestimate their own alcohol tolerance and binge to dangerous levels is common, but will not result in a higher likelihood of a bid nor the respect of the brothers. This behavior will be encouraged, many will give in to the peer pressure, but outcomes are never good. I have seen many kids drop the rush process when it was clear they were asked to do things that just seemed pointless.
Like many, I have lifelong friends from the fraternity, many more I still contact occasionally almost 30 years after graduating. We share some great memories. This is no different than my non-greek wife. The difference is the tribalism during college.
Don’t put too much stock in the organized philanthropic activities. My D volunteers weekly with an organization. Toward the end of each semester the greeks, realizing they haven’t fulfilled their hours, show up en masse, girls in makeup, white sneakers and yoga pants, guys in Nikes and hoodies, and pretend to do work for half a day.
“Don’t let SE fraternity stories influence a NE kid (assuming he is staying in your area) - the systems and expectations are very different and much more laid back. Missing fraternity events won’t be an issue at most of them.”
Yes. They are different worlds entirely.
You need more information about this. Sounds like it could be really good for him, if it’s truly a fraternity of kids who are into music, or it could be just another fraternity.
"Once he is going to study music, I would discourage him from joining a fraternity. Music students tend to meet and socialize with lots of other music students (due to ensemble work and practice time) and because of that they rarely have time for all the requisite fraternity or sorority functions. "
That’s just silly. We had plenty of music majors (and theater majors) in our sorority.
You just can’t offer any advice unless you name the school. Every school is so different.
I still in shock that the “prince” is old enough to be looking at colleges.
None of my kids went greek nor attended schools that were majority greek. My S considered it but he had friends in so many different frats that he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. His GF was in a sorority and she loved it. I think this is a topic that has many opinions.
Even at a school with a small percentage of Greek membership, it can still be a pretty strong influence on school activities. My daughter’s school only has 5% membership, but the houses are owned by the university and are right in the middle of campus. They host events on the parkway that is between the two streets of houses on game day, they host the trick or treat for the community, they are students who are very active in student government and have support from the other members.
I’d say 25% Greek is a high percentage.
This is not exactly what 25% Greek means.
Typically, first-semester freshmen cannot join Greek houses, and second-semester freshman are “pledges” at those houses, not members. So you automatically have 25% of the student body that is non-Greek, but not by choice. It’s because they’re freshmen.
Therefore, among the remaining three classes, to make the total come out 25% Greek overall, you would have to have one kid in three in a Greek house. So 67% forgo it, not 75%.
I’m the only person from my family who went Greek, and in some ways it helped me. I went pretty far away to school, to a large campus, and Greek life “shrunk” the campus quite a bit.
That being said, 25+ years later, my two dearest friends from college are the ones I met before we even pledged.
It was big during that phase of my life, but I don’t do anything with it now. In fact I have completely lost touch with most of the “sisters” (got divorced, think that didn’t go over well).
In hindsight, too, it might have prevented me from really finding my “tribe.” I’m sort of a bookworm nerd at heart, but back then I was play-acting at being a social, popular (sort of) party person. 
At my school, we didn’t have many students in sports or music who went Greek. It takes too much time. Wasn’t unheard of but it wasn’t common either.
Was this a large or small school?
At a big school, a small percentage of students in fraternities and sororities can full a lot of houses and provide a large scene for those interested in it. But those who are not interested can usually easily ignore and avoid it.
At a small school, a fraternity and sorority scene big enough to be interesting to those interested in it may be too dominating for those who are not interested in it.
Vanderbilt makes a point of telling you that Greeks are “only” approximately 45% of student population . . . I have a feeling that that feels like a large Greek presence there. 
No, I did not go to VU.
My school was large enough that there were plenty of other options.