<p>I know I am not the only person who is going through changes during this time of year when the weather ( for this hemisphere) is nasty, and even if you enjoy the holiday season, it can get to be bit much in terms of expectations coming smack dab against that old party pooper reality.</p>
<p>Feel free to rant- mourn or remember those who you miss especially during this time.</p>
<p>For myself- my family had been going away at xmas for the past twenty years- except for last year because of our elderly dog.
She is still with us , so our plans had been drastically changed to probably visiting our older D in Portland for a few days- where she is house sitting- but we met with the hospitalist this morning( regarding my mother who was admitted to the CCU Monday)- asked for an evaluation by a neurologist for her, and after that will probably have the machines that are keeping her alive turned off.</p>
<p>So stressful to say the least- and ( to keep it college related), since older D had to retake her junior year- essentially because her cat died, I am a little concerned about younger D who just began college.
( I am exagerating about D for effect- I am sure that Ochem had more than a little to do with it)</p>
<p>I really miss going to the mts- but the place had changed hands and it wasn’t quite the same- plus the drive there was brutal.
But awkward- now we have to figure out some new way to come together- that feels appropriate for the girls- who are all but grown.
I am tempted to hide out with a pint of peppermint ice cream and a dvd of Home Alone</p>
<p>Younger D needs some new bindings for her snowboard( she went snowboarding last Fri and all the cables broke)- So I know what she is getting, but aside from a couple stocking things the only present I have bought was an electric pad for the dog.
she looked at me and said " you should have done this long ago" *
;)</p>
<p>An anecdote that will hopefully make you smile:
My kitty likes a good “warm”, too. He’s large… three feet long tip-to-tail, 22 pounds, and only a pound or so overweight, according to our astonished vet. He likes to be a lap cat but hangs off both sides of every lap he graces.</p>
<p>My husband, on the other hand, likes it cool when he sleeps. He runs a little hot, and we choose mattresses almost entirely based upon which ones don’t hold heat.</p>
<p>In the middle of the night once, I was awakened to hear DH mmfghing in his sleep. His muffled moans finally made me sit up and look over to see what was going on. He’d kicked off the quilt and sheet in his sleep, but was still just too hot… due to the fact that our very large cat was delightedly curled around the perimeter of his warm head, purring like a motorboat and kneading biscuits into the pillow. I thought, “Well, there’s your problem,” removed the cat, and re-covered my husband, who sighed contentedly and slipped back into REM mode.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry about your mother, EK. I hope that you can find peace and strength to let your memories of time with her be a blessing to you this season.</p>
<p>My dad died right after Christmas, and a few years later my brother died (very unexpectedly. He was only 58) right after New Years. So I know all about grief during the holidays.</p>
<p>My mom died several years ago on December 26, so I can definitely relate to experiencing grief during the holidays. And of course the anniversaries are difficult as well. I’m sorry for your struggles and hope the new year brings you better times.</p>
<p>Both of my parents died aroung Christmas and New Year time frame so I can relate. My oldest brother died of a heart attach around Thanksgiving. Hugs to you and here’s hoping that time will ease your pain.</p>
<p>Sorry for all who have sad and hard times around the holidays. It must always add some sadness and challenge remembering while others around are working at merriment.</p>
<p>We will be having relatives visiting this year; they unexpectedly lost their wife/mother last holiday season. I am doing all I can to help make this holiday season very cheery and bright. Have purchased them gifts that I mailed to their home & more for them to open with us at our home.</p>
<p>EK-I’m so sorry to hear about your loss; my deepest sympathies to you and your family.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, our family is also touched by grief this holiday season. S’s girlfriend, a college senior, lost her dad to a fatal heart attack earlier this week. The funeral is Monday, the one year anniversary of her mom’s death from cancer. My heart aches for this beautiful, sweet, loving girl, who as an only child is feeling very, very alone in the world. She has a grandma and aunt who are holding her tight and my S has not left her side since they got the news. We are so thankful that his boss was extremely understanding and has allowed him to take time off to help her get through the holidays. </p>
<p>This really tests one’s faith; I can’t imagine why this dear, innocent child has to endure such pain and life changing tragedy. I cry every time I think of her graduation, wedding, babies and all the other experiences she will not have them with her to share. It’s just not right.</p>
<p>My-3-sons, what a sad story. Heartbreaking. My BIL passed away last month and my sister has been heroic (in my view) in making the best of things. Her son is married and her daughter just moved into an apartment, so she went from a chaotic family to being completely alone in the space of a year. I’d like to scream at my mother, though. She’s been ill, so pershaps she’s mentall slipping. I hope so. The venom she has directed at my sister for daring to try to live, for buying Christmas presents for her children, and for trying to make good decisions, is breathtaking. At my BIL’s funeral, my mother took it on herself to scream at his mother that she should be grateful that she had her son for as long as she did because my mother had lost one of her children at the age of 20. Oh my God. I hadn’t realized how upset I am about all of this. </p>
<p>EK, I’m so sorry about the situation with your mom. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.</p>
<p>emeraldkity, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish the best for you and yours this holiday season. I know what you mean about the ice cream and dvd - that’s how I deal when I’m sad too.</p>
<p>my-3-sons, your post hit really close to home for me too. DD is an only child and a senior in college. My biggest fear since she was born is that something would happen to both of us and she would be alone as I come from a small family. I have chronic medical issues and I often pray that I’ll live until she has someone who cares for her. God bless your son for staying by his gf’s side and helping her through this and your family for sharing your love with her.</p>
<p>Our first Christmas without my husband. Holidays are especially difficult. My heart goes out to those who are grieving. Be genereous with hugs this season, you never know who really needs one.</p>
<p>A very dear friend died on Christmas Day last year. I will always remember her on that day, it was the day my son became engaged, and my parents ashes went into the Pacific together. It was a day of goodbyes and joy. This year, I am madly packing to make a big trip over the ocean to spend Christmas in the states. My first visit to the mysterious white midwest during the winter: a nice visit to Ann Arbor and way beyond. My loss and pain in the last few years has taught me this: each day I take deep breaths, listen and watch because this life is a grand adventure with all the pitfalls, all of them. We are all blessed to be here. Early Merry Christmas. If you have to crack out the ice cream, do it!!!</p>
<p>My-3-sons, My heart and prayers go out to your son’s gf as I too know what it is like to lose both parents within a year’s time. God bless you an your husband for raising a wonderful young man.</p>
<p>Tuesday, was my youngest sister’s brithday and wednesday was the anniversary of our mother’s death. So no matter, how I feel, my heart is always with her, because she will never be separated from 2 of the most important events in her life. My dad passed away on a Thanksgiving weekend less than a year after my mom. So as annoying as they can be at times, I am grateful for my siblings.</p>
<p>EK, my hugs and prayers are with you and your siblings.</p>
<p>Hugs to you sistersunnie, crabbylady, lkf725 and all other who have lost their beloved spouses and are celebrating the holiday season without them.</p>
<p>There is no “good time” for a loss, but the holiday season makes it especially hard. Here to giving thanks for the times that we had with those we have lost and the great times to be had with those who are still with us.</p>
<p>wow…this thread is a good reminder to not be so cranky about the little things.
I lost both my Mom many years ago and my Dad a few years ago. I remember thinking how strange it was to not have parents any more.
With my Dad especially, the first few years were tough…but as time goes by, we have lightened up and keep him alive in our hearts by talking about him a LOT. What he would say about this or that. How he would know everything about this. How we wish he was around to tell us what to do in particular situations. How smart he was about just about everything. My h swears that I channel him sometimes. And we laugh. It’s so much better than silence and walking on eggshells. It works for us. We miss him so much!</p>
<p>Thank you all for keeping our sweet girl in your thoughts. I can’t help but bring up thoughts of LTS’s D as well…</p>
<p>I hope that all our CC families who are missing loved ones can fill some of the void with pleasant memories of past holidays, especially those celebrating their first holidays without them. Hugs to you all. And yes, sometimes a night of ice cream or Hot Buttered Rum and “Home Alone” is just what is needed.</p>
<p>Zooser-Good for your sister for daring to try to live! Tell her not to worry about what anyone else thinks and continue to do what feels right for her and her family.</p>
<p>overseas-Have a wonderful trip!</p>
<p>toneranger-Our family often uses laughter to get us through. Somehow, laughter and tears mix well for us, although…there was that one time in the movie theater that the combination caused me to emit…um, uncontrollable sounds/snorts, after which my kids forbid me to ever return to that theater with them! :D</p>
<p>Both my grandmothers died this fall, 3 weeks apart. One grandmother died the day before Halloween and the other died the Saturday before Thanksgiving. One had been in ill health for years, but was still hard to loose and the other was in good health until the last months and then she had a stroke which left her unable to talk which was especially hard to deal with seeing her like that. Thankfully she did not suffer long. We always went to my Mom’s Mom for Christmas, but we are going to stay here this year. I am in denial over it being Christmas, at school I was so busy with finals I could block it all out but here at home I can’t. I’m having a hard time dealing with it all and don’t know how I am going to manage going back to school next semester.</p>
<p>I’m having a hard time dealing with it all and don’t know how I am going to manage going back to school next semester.</p>
<p>I think it is important to let your RA know what you are dealing with and also to set up an appt with your schools clinic for January.
Even if you don’t think you need to talk to anyone, getting a list of resources and having someone listen ( because you often can’t talk to parents, if you worry that it will make them upset), can be very helpful.</p>
<p>Grieving, is a process, and different stages occur sometimes at the same time, and it is different for different people.
When my father died when I was 17, I blocked it out for a long time, and just lived my life- being away at college, you will be very busy & it is ok to just live your life.
There will be times, when things come up that you wish you could share with your grandmothers, if you get a chance- you can try writing them a letter, including the things you want to share & knowing that somehow, they are receiving it.</p>
<p>Transitions are part of life, but even when positive and anticipated, they are hard, and when the transition is the passing of a family member, the loss can take you at unexpected times.</p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to find support for your self, becoming an adult isn’t about being fully independent & autonomous- it is knowing when and where to find help when you need it and being able to make use of it.</p>
<p>EK, so very sorry to hear about your mom. This is an especially hard time of year to deal with loss. My grandfather died unexpectedly on Christmas day when I was 5. Christmas was so hard for my mom for a number of years afterward (not that it got “better,” but I think time has a way of healing). </p>
<p>This is my family’s first Christmas without my youngest brother, who passed away this summer. It will be very strange to celebrate without him. </p>
<p>Today I received an email letting me know that a woman I know from my college days had an aneurysm this past weekend. She is in a deep coma & the doctors are not sure she will recover. She is in her early 50’s. </p>
<p>I have always loved Christmastime, but it can be so hard to balance the joys of the season with the sadness that life can bring. To all who are dealing with difficult situations this holiday season, many hugs.</p>
<p>HUgs to all of you who are celebrating the holidays without friends and relatives for the first time- you all are in my thoughts.</p>
<p>My grandmother was around, when both of my girls were born, so I still felt very young, but sitting around the table at the funeral home this morning with my sister and her husband, my brother and my husband, it seemed weird.</p>
<p>However- I am glad to report, that although I could not have predicted it, but both my sister and I are on the same page regarding my mothers memorial.
Neither one of us think she would be comfortable with something held at a church or chapel , so we are going to hold something at one of her favorite restaurants.</p>
<p>We also decided not to have it for a few weeks, to give the hubbub of Christmas to die down ( and also to be able to have the interment and memorial on the same day) and since all the grandkids will be here.
( My sisters next to oldest daughter doesn’t have to go back to school till the end of Jan, and my oldest lives the farthest away)</p>
<p>It is hitting my H pretty hard, he and mom got along really well, and he also lost his best friend last year just after Christmas.</p>
<p>But my sister seems to have evolved somewhat since I last spoke to her, so maybe this loss will have the result of us getting to know each other despite our very different viewpoints.</p>
<p>( I am afraid that getting to know my brother- who prefaces many comments with " well being that I am an engineer, I think this…", is not something that I can take very much of at a time- )</p>
)</p>