I’m starting a separate thread because I think this is a different issue from the wedding planning thread.
I would love to hear some positive stories about well-behaved wedding guests, because I’m getting a little nervous about D’s upcoming wedding. When I look at their proposed guest list, I see people of all political stripes, conservative Christians, atheists, Hindus, gay people, NRA members, ACLU members–basically, every type of human you can imagine. And I’m assuming most people have a similar mix of guests. So tell me how your guests behaved. Did most people recognize that this event wasn’t about them and keep their mouths diplomatically shut? I really just want everyone to have a good time.
We go around about this a lot here, but let people sit with who they want to sit with. They will be more likely to sit with people they know. Then it isn’t more fraught than the average Thanksgiving dinner.
Maybe I’ve been lucky…but I’ve never been to a wedding with poorly behaved guests. Folks are there to celebrate the wedding couple…not for other reasons.
We will do a seating chart because we would like folks to sit with people they know…and there will only be so many tables. But really…this is for the dinner only…and after that, they can move around as they please.
No seating charts raises the distinct possibility that couples won’t be able to find seats together, friends wont be able to sit together, and singletons will be stranded with complete strangers who will ignore them…I’d make a seating chart. If you put friends together to a reasonable degree, everyone will be fine.
I went to a wedding once with a group fraught with conflict. The bride and groom put disposable cameras on the tables and asked people to take pictures. It was fun, kept everyone working together in a nice way. Not sure of they even sell them anymore but something like that can keep the focus elsewhere.
Every time I’ve been to a wedding with a searing chart, I’ve ended up sitting with strangers. Even after flying cross country to the wedding. It sucked. No one knows better than I do who I want to sit with.
I can’t remember any drama at any weddings we’ve attended either. At our own, however, our little ring bearer would not let go of a little black, plastic mustache he insisted on wearing. Where he got it, no one knew. Several people (like his mom, MIL, and the photographer) got upset over it. I said just let him wear it. He kept the thing on all night, in all of the photos. I find it really funny now looking through our wedding album.
I am generally seated by at least one person or couple I know via seating charts. The only weddings I have attended without seating charts are very casual, cake, dessert and punch events, not seated meals.
It’s not my call, @Consolation . Bride and groom don’t want charts. But it’s not a formal, sit down thing. There will be tables with enough seats for all, of course, but it’s just a brunch buffet with a bar.
Unless any of those people only associate with like minded people, I wouldn’t expect problems. Wedding should be like day to day life for them. And if they have given indications of not playing well in the sandbox of life, I would question having them on the invite list.
Assigned seats are typically done for practicality reasons. Let people sit wherever they want and you end up with empty seats. Probably need 5-10% more seating. Doesn’t work well in many venues. Dinner is typically 90-120 minutes long (if sit down) and shorter if buffet. Shouldn’t be an issue because you can get up and mingle/socialize before and after dinner. And many times, seats are assigned with given guests in mind. If you have someone who knows no one else but the couple (or other people in the wedding party) you often want to have them sit with people who are social and will include them in conversations. And some known conflicts (which parties themselves may not know about) can be avoided with assigned seats.
My view is its the newly married couples party. They can arrange it however they want. Ultimately its their day. Everyone else should be thankful for being included to witness and partake.
I’d worry more about folks getting drunk than political/religious differences. Maybe with a brunch wedding that won’t be an issue.
Most people know to not to discuss religion and politics in “mixed company”. Are there specific guests you are worried about who don’t understand that?
I’d be sure there are quite a few extra seats and loose chairs so folks can arrange seating as desired—pulling up an extra chair or two or moving it from one table to another. Don’t stress—it will all work out. If the couple wants no charts, no charts it is.
At our venue…we are required to give them the seating chart…which includes which meals the guests have chosen. If they could sit wherever they wanted to…it would make it harder for the servers! One would think.
My daughter and son-in-law worked really hard at creating a seating chart; they tried to keep friend groups and couples together as well as families. My son-in-law’s parents are divorced; they requested seating at separate tables, which worked out fine. No one misbehaved.
We did have wedding crashers at the reception–I didn’t see them, but my younger daughter and step-daughter did and sent them away.
At one family wedding, there were three or so tables of relatives on our side. Two were together on one side of the room, and the other was a bit away…which was FINE with those seated at that table!
My SIL took it upon herself to change the table numbers…so that our table would be near hers. BUT the table she swapped with was one with the wedding party. What a doofus.
I went to get something to drink…and when I returned, my purse was gone. It took me a few minutes to figure out what happened. I politely told SIL…it was NOT her wedding…and moved the numbers back where the bride and groom originally had them.
Yes, I totally don’t care if people pull up chairs or leave a table with none. There are no servers to get confused, since it’s a buffet. We will make reasonable accommodations for allergies and preferences (we’re a food allergy family.)
I’m not super worried about specific guests, but I do know there are guests with strong opinions. I hope they’ll leave them on Facebook and behave themselves in person.
