The only bad behavior I’ve ever seen at a wedding is someone having too much to drink and becoming – enthusiastic. IME no one even brings up politics.
Yikes, @thumper1 . I can’t imagine having the audacity to do something like that!
At my daughter’s brunch wedding in September, there were no problems whatsoever with guest behavior – not even among the young children who were present. There was a seating chart (required because there was a plated menu rather than a buffet), and my daughter and her fiance took advantage of it to separate people who were known not to get along. I don’t know whether this helped.
I don’t think people tend to get drunk at brunch weddings, and kids don’t tend to be overtired at that time of day.
@Bromfield2 I hadn’t thought about crashers! But I suppose that is a possibility, as the reception is outdoors at an ocean resort. We may get stray golfers coming through.
Exactly what I was hoping to hear, @Marian ! We will also have children (two in the wedding party, as well as among the guests.) The bride and groom love kids.
^^^We were at a very similar venue-- ocean resort area, restaurant on the beach with a tent for seating. I guess the crashers were walking along the shore and walked up to the party.
I have never attended a wedding where there were any crashes over the decades.
At my S’s weddding, we put my friends the libertarians next to my friends, ardent democrats. I am positive that no one knew the others political persuasions. They all remarked how nice the other was.
I predict that everyone will behave. Fighting in my group of friends seems to be limited to Facebook and the occasional conspiracy email that one person sends out. I wouldn’t worry.
I’ve had experience with “funeral crashers” – but not at any weddings I’ve been to!
I attended a wedding in the UP, (upper peninsula of Michigan). Bride was from Los Angeles, Groom the UP. Apparently up there they don’t do seating charts, and have fewer tables than people. But the custom is people eat, then leave and a 2nd set take their place. The bride however made sure the California people had a table as that is what we were used to. So yeah, seating charts aren’t necessary.
It was a blast and yeah, no one talked politics.
I would think that at such a special event, people on the guest list are going to be well behaved. Like others have said, I’ve never been to a wedding where GUESTS behaved badly.
Family members and people in the wedding party are a different story because they spend more time together and weddings are a stressful event. I’m guessing conflicts within that group of people are common. I had a doozy at my wedding rehearsal dinner between a friend of my husband and my maid of honor and bridesmaid. The friend got drunk and asked my sister and my friend it they’d ever been to a “strip club”, except he used another name for that type of establishment that you don’t use in polite company.
My husband took him outside and yelled at him and told him that this event was a special time for me, and he’d better shape up or go back home (five hours away).
He was on his best behavior the next day along with all our other guests, who were of all different stripes. And actually, he (a young hippy intellectual stoner from a large city) and my Dad (a older guy from a rural area who wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed) really hit it off during the reception. So everything ended up fine. My boss told me later that he and his wife thought it was the nicest wedding they’d ever attended. It was a small wedding in a mountain meadow, and the reception was a cookout at a nearby campground. Very casual and the weather was perfect. People hung out for hours sitting around and talking - with no bad behavior whatsoever.
Funerals are “open” and the ones I’ve attended are not private with invitations. It would be odd to attend the funeral if you have no connection with the deceased or any family members.
It would be odd to have wedding crashers. I have attended weddings at many resorts—never any crashers we were aware of.
Weddings I have been to in Michigan have all been very casual. Many more like high school grad parties where I live.
I’ve never seen problems at a wedding.
We had my son’s wedding this fall. Half the people there were Hindu, and many of them found out for the first time at the reception that the couple had been living together for a year. (No one had told the best man – who was actually a woman – that it had been kept secret from most of the bride’s relatives. She referred to it in her toast, which should have been predictable since she had shared an apartment with them.) Some of the Hindus were very observant, and would not touch alcohol or any type of meat, while other guests (including others of the Hindus) were consuming quite a bit of both. The guests on both sides included a fair number of both Muslims and ultra-right-wing evangelical Christians, but our side was mainly stocked with liberal Jews. There were zealous Zionists and zealous anti-Zionists. There were Packers fans, Vikings fans, Bears fans, Giants fans, and of course Eagles fans.
Everyone had a great time. If anyone had a political or doctrinal or sports argument, it didn’t go beyond two people.
My sister didn’t have a seating chart and as luck would have it, my grandmother ended up at the same table as my (estranged from her) aunt. It was actually one of those “hold your breath” situations and my mother nearly had a panic attack. And then - nothing. No fighting. There wasn’t any talking with each other, but they both managed to enjoy the reception. So even when the worst case scenario with open seating happened, it turned out okay. (I wish I could say the same for my grandmother’s funeral years later!)
There are people who are pretty clearly not welcome at funerals. Think someone who directly caused the death (e.g., drunk driver). Or an ex who had only dealt with the deceased through attorneys for 20 years and had bedeviled them & their family in various ways through the years. We had a designated “bouncer” (large male guests) at a funeral once in such a case.
When I was married I was working as a paid staffer on the presidential campaign of a Democrat, as were many of my invitees (including the campaign manager). My parents and all their old friends, tons of whom attended the wedding, were conservative Republicans. The wedding was held 6 weeks before the general election.
My husband’s rancorously divorced parents, including the “other woman” stepmother attended the wedding.
Everyone behaved themselves and seemed to have a fun time! I think most people have the common sense to know that a wedding is not a time to bring up old feuds or start divisive conversation about politics. The red and blue crowds mingled and the divorced parents did the formal parent dance. No problems.
I had no clue that there were “crashers”; no one else did either. My D and stepD saw two guys walking up to the bar who were in shorts and flip flops and had come up from the beach–they realized that the guys weren’t guests and asked them if they were knew X or Y (bride and groom name) and the guys fessed up and said they were “just passing through.”
I would like to address the generalities that weddings in Michigan are akin to high school grad parties.
My son got married in Michigan, northern Michigan even. They had a very nice, sit down dinner with seating charts.
I’ve never been to a wedding in the UP but my son has been to plenty, and I’m pretty sure that they had seats for everyone who attended for dinner.
I would venture a guess that most wedding guests know how to behave at a wedding around people they don’t know very well.
A brunch also doesn’t become a drinking or dancing thing, but in my experience a sitting at the table and chit chatting. Most guests probably won’t even talk to each other if they don’t know them and don’t sit with them.