I can’t imagine the chaos of 400-750 guests scrambling for seating if the receptions were open seating. I can envision vacant single seats and some tables with overflowing numbers of seats—chaos. If it’s a smaller, more intimate wedding, perhaps open seating might work ok. I have never been to a reception with no seating chart.
400-750 guests is a huge wedding @HImom I know that you have been to weddings that large, but really…I’m not sure that’s the norm for most weddings.
We had a “small intimate” wedding by your standards…123 guests. We had table assignments…not the specific seat…but the table number. It was required by our venue, and really, it did make things flow smoothly. Sit down dinner. We didn’t want our guests aimlessly roaming around looking for seats. Plus we wanted the adults to be able to be seated with the adults, and young adults seated with their friends too.
Some of our tables had 7 people, and some had 10.
Sure, it was a lot of work to make those table assignments…but in the end, well worth it.
Well, many of the receptions and parties we attend have 200 - 400 - 750 people and yes, I do believe open seating would be extremely chaotic. The two wedding receptions I most recently attended had closer to 100 present and both had table assignments. We are rarely assigned a particular seat but at least a table is helpful.
My new SIL is Chaldean, and the tradition for Chaldeans in America is to invite everyone in their community. We have a couple venues in the area that specialize in hosting Chaldean receptions - 600 or 700 people. Bringing extras is apparently common, so I guess the venues know how to handle it. They don’t do seating arrangements. (D & SIL did not follow that format - 160 people, SIL made it clear that only “invited” guests were invited, and they had seating arrangements … thank goodness, because my bank account could never have handled the big blow-out wedding!)
When I look at their proposed guest list, I see people of all political stripes, conservative Christians, atheists, Hindus, gay people, NRA members, ACLU members–basically, every type of human you can imagine. And I’m assuming most people have a similar mix of guests. So tell me how your guests behaved. >>>>>>>>>>>
My ods and dil have the most diverse group of friends imaginable and their wedding was spectacular. I can’t imagine people misbehaving at a wedding. Truly. It never even crossed my mind than anything could go wrong like that.
In some respects I miss so many niceties of Miss Manners. I don’t want open seating at an event. Even if it looks fine it’s stressful to me. Even at my own mothers funeral at the restaurant afterwards it was open seating and my sister and our husbands ended up in a weird table because all the seats were taken. Now I wouldn’t go so far as to make table arrangements for a funeral lunch, but if I felt like that at a funeral, I sure hope I can sit next to friends and family at a wedding.
We had a small luncheon in a restaurant after my mother’s funeral. They were happy to set aside a table for immediate family. Others were free to sit at any other table . i definitely expected to sit with my sister, husband and children.
Oh my, if they’d had 400 guests, I would have insisted on seating charts! I once went to a wedding with 600 guests that didn’t have enough seating, period, and it sucked! You had old ladies and a few very obese people who really needed a seat wandering around looking for a place. I was shocked at the rudeness of the guests and the hosts for not planning better.
My D and her H had seating for a hundred and fifty people, with 120 guests. This was planned so that no one had to walk around looking for a seat. It may have worked out so well because it was a daytime wedding reception, and was less formal. For formal events, seating charts are required!
“if I felt like that at a funeral, I sure hope I can sit next to friends and family at a wedding.”
Let’s not forget that assigned seating can be done badly and force you away from the people you want to be with. Lots of people would rather get a root canal than sit next to their brother-in-law for two hours. Assignments can also create drama when people inevitably perceive some table groupings as the seats of honor: “Jill and I are both your first cousins, but you put Jill at your parents’ table and we were in Siberia with Auntie Ruth from Pittsburgh!”
I agree that assigned seating is the way to go at large formal events, but it carries its down sides.
Part of me hopes that when/if the time comes for my kids, they go way smaller. It seems weddings these days are out of control - do people even like attending them?
My daughter will have 10 people on her side and her BF will have 200. I’m not doing a seating chart but his mother probably will.
I got massively flamed, bullied even, on another site for suggesting that it was okay not to do a seating chart. I didn’t say they were wrong, just that it was okay not to use them if you did not feel they suited your needs. You would think that I had stated that Hitler was right
If there is ample seating and there aren’t a ton of guests, I can see that open seating would work, as long as no one is upset that there are empty seats and there are plenty of seats for all who want them.
Yes, exactly, @HImom . I was super attentive and made sure that everyone had a place. I introduced people, and table hopped to greet everyone. There was literally no one who didn’t have a place.
It sounds like you were a wonderful and thoughtful hostess @Massmomm . I find it interesting to talk to new people and am rarely at a loss even if I know few folks at most gatherings. It’s always nice to be introduced and have someone who knows me suggest a topic I and new acquaintance may wish to discuss.
I’m a big fan of seating charts but gee, @Massmomm - sorry you wound up taking a beating on the subject! My 3 daughters handled the seating charts at their weddings with input from both moms and their husbands-to-be.
I’m a proponent because I worked for many years at a non-profit that serves seniors, and did seating charts for annual special events. We tried open seating exactly once, and things did not go well. Everyone wanted to sit next to an exit and close to the stage or dais; early birds saved entire tables and turned away folks they didn’t know (guaranteed to cause hard feelings); seniors with mobility issues had a slow, difficult time finding seats.
I like seating charts for event planning because you can tell the caterer exactly how many chairs, which is equal to the number of meals. With open seating, a group of 3 people who want to sit together might have to hunt for a table with three openings - and if they can’t find one, one member of the trio is going to be less than thrilled (at least initially).
I did many of these events and thought I was really good at the seating charts. I knew who wanted to sit with whom and enjoyed matching up newcomers and single guests with people I thought they’d like. We had one disaster, when 2 former best friends who had attended every event together for years had a falling-out but told no one. Of course we put them at the same table … but when one saw the other at table 12, she seated herself at table 11 and refused to move. It was like dominoes after that - the whole thing went tumbling down. The best laid plans …
H and I once sat at the wrong table, where his uncle was supposed to sit. H and his uncle have the same name, and uncle had to cancel for medical reasons at the last minute.
Someone pointed out our mistake, so we moved. Our regular table was cousins of H who were largely absent since they had very young children to chase around. H and I missed our table of older people! We had time to visit with them but that table would have definitely been a better fit for us, although not the obvious one.
Thanks, @HImom . It was like a puzzle, and I had fun, even though I am an introvert. The key for me was not drinking any alcohol so that I wouldn’t get too relaxed to be alert to my guests’ needs. I had that glass of wine when I got home after the day was over!
@eyemamom , the key to not having an out-of-control wedding is to do what suits the personality of the people getting married. There is too much pressure to adhere to so-called traditions that are really made up and have more to do with Pinterest than etiquette.
I have never understood this whole Queen for a Day nonsense. If you are not an actual queen, why would you want to act like one on your wedding day?
@frazzled1 when it comes to seniors, definitely use the charts and whatever guidance is necessary! We had only a handful of people old enough to call themselves seniors, although there are probably many more in that category! I didn’t really need to steer anyone to a seat, only to make introductions among those who are already sitting together.