<p>DH spent time with a high school friend he hadn’t seen for over 30 years. He comes home, glad that he did.
Me: So how was it?
DH: Good.
Me: Did you have fun?
DH: Yeah (meanwhile, he goes downstairs to turn on the T.V. I follow)
Me: So what did you talk about.
DH: Just a bunch of stuff. He’s married, has two kids (he, of course, knew I would ask this).
Me: How old are they?
DH: I dunno.
Me: How long has he been married?
DH: I dunno.
Me: …</p>
<p>My husband is a man of few words. Are they all like that?</p>
<p>I’ll add what I posted on the other thread that started to veer off in this direction. I was responding to something dmd77 said.
I love this observation. We recently bought a second home for winters/eventual retirement. DH can’t <em>wait</em> to abandon ship where we are and move there full-time. It’s economically more sensible, blah blah blah. I am NOT READY for that. Why? Because I have such strong attachment to my friends here and want to keep the physical connection, and want to have stronger friendships there before spending more time there. DH already has a friendship group in the new area that suffices for him. </p>
<p>I sum it up this way “A six-pack of buddies is a six-pack of buddies” for him. They are interchangeable - he has guys to play golf with, watch sports with, go out to dinner as couples with in both places and they are… effectively… interchangeable. </p>
<p>H: Your friend called from the hospital. She had her baby.
W: REALLY?! Was it a boy or girl?
H: I don’t know. </p>
<p>(Not to mention his not knowing or thinking to ask the the baby’s name, weight, length, time of birth, hair-if any-color, resemblance to one or both parents and/or siblings, duration of labor, or WHICH hospital/room # your friend called from so you can call her back and find out all of these things. . .) ;)</p>
<p>I will say though that I love how different my husband is from me. That’s what I call complementarity. He does have good friends, but he thinks boxes are sort of like furniture. Really.</p>
<p>Seriously. I don’t know how men make it through life with their lack of conversational skills. Son #2 owns a sprinkler company. He wanted his brother to work one day because they were short handed. Son #3 has a part time job </p>
<p>so #2 says to him: “Are you working tomorrow?” </p>
<h1>3 responds: “yes” He shows up to work the next day for his brother.</h1>
<h1>2 says “I thought you said you were working”.</h1>
<p>Another example:
Me: Honey, I think I need a new car.
Him: yup
Me: There’s one in the paper I called on today. It’s just what I want. I’m going to go see it tomorrrow.
Him: yup
Me: If I like it, I’m going to buy it.
Him: yup
Me: I bought the car. I took money out of the saving account to pay for it. I’m picking it up tomorrow.
Him: Yup</p>
<p>(next day)
Him: What’s that car doing in the driveway? </p>
<p>Wow… I’ve never inspired a thread before. Thanks. </p>
<p>I called my sister today to kvetch about my daughter (going to London today, has had her ticket for THREE MONTHS… and when does she call to make a hostel reservation? today!) but I ended up talking to her husband. He’s a social worker and does some counseling, and I asked if I could whine to him. He said “sure,” I whined, and he WANTED TO COME UP WITH SOLUTIONS. I just wanted someone to listen (my husband was busy with something). He wanted to give me answers.</p>
<p>(D decided to go to Salisbury and see Stonehenge, because the hostel there had space. Not a bad answer.)</p>
<p>F: That shirt doesn’t match.
M: What?
F: The colors clash.
M: WHAT?
F: THE COLORS DOESN’T MIX WITH I’M WEARING?
M: I CAN’T HEAR YOU, ITS THE “Gulf between the sexes”,</p>
<p>cpn55, that story about your H’s reaction to your buying the car was hilarious! I laughed so loud upon reading it, I thought I might wake the rest of the family. Thanks!</p>
<p>Of course. Why would complaining about a problem be preferable to solving it? Coming up with solutions makes the bad situation go away. Simply whining about it accomplishes nothing.</p>
<p>Although these differences may hold true in general, I think they are only generalizations and not always accurate. Of my two sons, one is just like the examples. He notices few details, doesn’t pay attention to nuances, has little information to relate about what he does, whom he sees, etc. My other son is totally different. He is the one who knows just what everyone is up to and always has interesting details to share with me. When he was still living at home, I could find out about most people in the neighborhood by asking him. He always notices if someone is upset or has changed in some way. </p>
<p>And when my husband and I talk about a problem, usually HE is the one who just wants my sympathy, while I am the one looking for solutions. So the roles do get reversed sometimes.</p>
<p>Of course complaining about a problem accomplishes something. It makes one feel better. Having the listener try to solve the problem, however, merely makes the complainer think that the listener is treating the complainer like an idiot because they never thought of that. Especially when the complainer gets the impression that the listener is merely trying to get the complainer to go away.</p>
<p>I can tell a sister or a girlfriend about a problem with a child and we can have a nice conversation for an hour. Tell a husband the same thing and he tries to “solve” the problem in under 3 minutes. And it’s HIS child too!!!</p>
<p>My boyfriend cooks and sews quite well, neither of which I know how to do (I should learn), and is a better creative writer. He dresses nicer than I do and is MUCH neater/more organized than I am. I’m better at math than he is, and do more athletic activity. I’m probably a bit more solution-oriented, but not drastically so. I would say our conversational skills and emotional expressiveness are about equal. I’m a software engineer, he does usability. </p>
<p>I enjoy turning society’s ridiculous expectations on their heads. :)</p>
<p>Coureur, you asked: “Why would complaining about a problem be preferable to solving it?”</p>
<p>Well, in the particular case, I was complaining but deliberately NOT helping my daughter to solve the problem because it was a problem SHE needed to solve. While that was true, I also was absolutely furious that she hadn’t made the reservation months ago… and I didn’t want to yell at her when she was getting on a plane in just a few hours. So complaining to my BIL was far preferable to DOING anything–since it a) kept me from trying to help my daughter when she needed to do it herself, b) kept me from yelling at my daughter when I didn’t want to, and c) gave my daughter time to find a solution she was happy with (since it didn’t matter whether I liked her solution or not).</p>
<p>Him: Have you seen my belt?
Me: (Tapping my chin and looking toward the sky) Let’s see … the last time I wore your belt …
Him: Okay, smartass, I get your point</p>
<p>He just had his vision tested and got new glasses last month, but why is it he can never find anything? He can look in the refrigerator or pantry for something and not see it, but I can find it immediately. Why? Because I obviously have a unique talent … I move items to look behind them for other items. :rolleyes:</p>