<p>Today is one of those days when I feel younger than my age. Physically I feel the wear and tear on my body, but my brain and my emotions seem more immature than they should be. When I was in my teens, I thought I’d be so “together” in my forties. I thought I’d have life figured out, I’d know my place in the world, and there’d be an ease about me. That is so not the case, and I find it frustrating, and embarrassing. Sometimes my kids seem more grown-up than I am in the way they can adjust, change course, or let things roll off their back so easily.</p>
<p>I’m not talking about serious issues requiring therapy (at least I don’t think so, lol), but rather those common annoyances or problems that irk me too much when I should be able to say “That’s life, in fact I knew to expect that, so I’m fine.” Instead, I am taken aback and thrown for a loop. An example: authority figures who don’t mean what they say. I like to take what bosses/teachers/coaches say at face value: the truth as they see it at least. It’s complicated to assume the possibility of a deliberate lie, especially a deception with the intent to manipulate me rather than merely to cover up their failing or embarrassment. Deception seems to require some bracing in self-defense on my part, which I’d find exhausting to have to do often. So why does it still get me so much when authorities lie, and especially when they lie to my kids?</p>
<p>Probably because you’re a nice person and have a great sense of justice/fairness. and lying to your kid? Well, that’s the mama/papa bear in all of us. Here’s hoping all works out.</p>
<p>OTOH, the thing I haven’t outgrown is just the opposite: I trust very few people and am completely skeptical when people say nice things or make promises to me. I don’t believe them and then, when I’m disappointed, I’m not surprised or let down. </p>
<p>Of course, I don’t trust too often, so I don’t expect much either.</p>
<p>This thread seems to resonate with me. I’m still immature(according to my youngest daughter). I don’t trust almost anyone. I’m skeptical about most things, especially when people say nice things to me(what’s in it for them), but it save my skin on more than one occasions. I don’t like being manipulated and can’t stand when people lie to me. I think I’m beyond therapy.</p>
<p>I think having doubts about people’s sincerity is actually a sign of maturity. How can you possibly reach middle age and still believe that most people have good intentions, when its so obvious that isn’t true? I don’t mean those that are closest to me, or the people who I can feel in my bones are honest and genuine, but generally speaking, most people are in it for themselves, whatever “it” may be. I find people with the most intelligence and the best sense of humor are usually the most cynical and spot-on observant about the world around them, which makes them the most interesting to be around.</p>
<p>As Dorothy Parker said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me” :)</p>
<p>Other than that, I still always look around when I walk into a room hoping I’m not the largest woman there.</p>
TheGFG, take heart. For the interpersonal challenges you mentioned, I became freer of such oppressors at age 50 than 40.</p>
<p>In my 40’s was still trying to prove myself relative to others and find my ability to say with my steady gaze, “Go take a long walk on a short pier.” </p>
<p>Starting around 50, I became more secure in my own skin and able to mentally dismiss others as insincere, if they were. Gail Sheehy’s “Passages” always helps me, and I note she rewrote it at age 50. </p>
<p>i dismiss a lot of others as insincere. in fact, maybe a bit too much. i enjoy the comfort of my home and a good book way more than dinner out with acquaintances who are talking just to be talking. i used to be much more sociable than i am today. i celebrate that to some extent, but i must admit i fear becoming a bit of a hermit. (honestly, most people probably think i am already a hermit!)</p>
<p>GFG, I don’t consider it a hang-up, but sometimes I’m surprised over bad actions that shouldn’t surprise me.</p>
<p>I mean, I know about the Holocaust. I know how evil humans can be. So why was I so shocked when a truckload of Christmas gifts that my company purchased for poor children was stolen the night before the Christmas party? The kids had all been told to expect presents from Santa at the party and then a bunch of them got nothing. (We were able to get those children replacement gifts within 48 hours, but it’s not the same.) </p>
<p>That shouldn’t have been so surprising to me. I know about murder, rape, child abuse…but somehow, a crook stealing the charity Christmas gifts for poor children stunned me and took my breath away.</p>
<p>Control what you can, if you cannot control something, do not be bothered with it, just make sure you keep it in mind so that you will not get hurt. I tell it to my D. all the time, but kids tend to go with emotions. I agree that by age 18 or so, they should learn to handle it in adult way. Also, if you do not like situation that you are in, quit, this is your “veto” power. Examples, place of employment, credit card compamies, even your motherland. Life is way too precious, today exists only today, it is gone tomorrow. If you do not enjoy day(s) of your life, the life become unbearable.</p>
<p>I am still irked that adults behave as immaturely as people did in high school. It was an enormous shock and disappointment to realize that many grown-ups still gossip, back stab, marginalize, lie, manipulate…</p>