Saying goodbye and getting into the rental car to leave campus definitely was the most emotional. It was our second child entering college, so the “baby” of the family. 1,800 miles and an air flight away
Once we were back home going grocery shopping at times wasn’t emotional, but stopped me in my tracks because I’d be in an aisle and think whether I should get XYZ for my son, then realizing there wasn’t a need because he wasn’t home.
The weeks leading up to the drop-off was the worst. The second worst time was the week or two afterward when we were all adjusting to a daily life without D.
That said, D’s move-in came in two parts. D was invited to an unexpected early freshman orientation for a few students. We had planned to drive her out there. Instead, I bought her a plane ticket and shipped a couple of boxes to her dorm. Then DH and I followed a week later with the rest of her stuff. We had a couple of days with D on campus to ourselves before the rest of the freshmen class moved in. On the actual freshman move-in day, the three of us avoided campus and explored the area.
I was okay with leaving D because she had already settled in, made friends, and was familiar with the campus and some faculty and staff.
For D, the hardest part was probably catching the second flight because I only gave 50 minutes between flights on her way out. Oops.
I actually did pretty well with this process because of advice that I read and followed here and from friends with older kids. Here’s some of my favorite tidbits:
- Spend some time gathering resources they will need, and putting them in a format that works (e.g. a notebook, file, google docs, etc). Immunization records, basic medical history, emergency contact numbers, a small bag with handy stuff like duct tape, painter’s tape, a multifunction screwdriver/knife thing, scotch tkae, superglue)
- Realize that a family is like a puzzle, and you will feel like a piece is missing until you adjust. It will be wierd = you will need to develop new patterns and habits. Then when they come back, they will expect things to be the same and another adjustment will have to happen!
- Tell them before you drop them off that they are in the driver’s seat as far as what you will do in the dorm. Tell them they can change their mind any time. In DD’s case, I was fully ready to drop her off with her stuff and leave her alone to make new friends. I was also ready to let her boss me around on what she wanted me to do (make the bed, whatever). Things change based on who is there, but what doesn’t change is they need to be in charge - not you! Leave you bossiness at home!! In our case, her roommate was not there, and she had a tight timeline to report to orientation activities. She elected to have our daughter and I stay and rapidly unpack every single thing and put it away so that she was ready for a busy week in a couple of hours. We were not expecting that at all, but had fun doing it!!
- My favorite practical suggestion: pack bedding in a giant garbage bag in upside down order (e.g. pillows at bottom, mattress pad on top). If you have all the bedding together, you can make the bed first, and then have a great spot to pile things that have not been unpacked yet that is out of the way.
My son kicked us out of his room when we moved him in. Everything with move in went fine. My daughter (his younger sister) started crying a little before we left the house. But my wife quickly told her if she started crying we all would so she needed to stop. We avoided it the rest of the day. After we moved his stuff in, we went to a drug store to get a couple things for his room. One was a hook for his towel. When we got back to his room, he told us that he could handle hanging the hook. We viewed that as something of a stiff arm to the face telling us to leave. We laughed about it on the way home. And that hook? It was still unhung when I picked him up at the end of the year. LOL
I think its important not to linger. Likely to be emotions on one side or the other (or both). Dragging out that first goodbye only serves to make it worse. In that way, my son had it right.
Nothing wrong with emotions, IMHO. I don’t feel bad about crying when I dropped them off at all (except I almost got hit by a huge truck when crossing the street right after walking away from D1 because I was sniffling and distracted). But barring trucks, I am okay with it.
We drop my 3rd and youngest a month from today. I waver between thinking I won’t even survive it to thinking we’ll all be fine. Time will tell. My older 2 had already been spending weekends and summers at their dad’s for years by the time my oldest reached 18, when he promptly joined the Navy and got sent to the Middle East. There was no drop off-he was picked up by his recruiter, I think, and we had a quick good-bye at the door. We saw him for a couple of days after he graduated boot camp, and then not for a year. I was stressed out the entire time. So when older D left for college-she flew herself-that seemed easy by comparison. Besides, she was desperate to leave home, and let everyone know it-we were not on the best terms.
But this last one is H and my only. Unlike the older ones, she has always only lived here. Unlike the older ones, I was able to arrange my work to match her schedule so I could drive her everywhere. We had her not long after we married, so H and I have rarely been completely alone. The college has a 2-day parent orientation and a “parting ceremony”. I think I’ll need that definitive leave-taking. And then I’ll come home and change my entire way of life.
We had a limited move-in window of about four hours, although we had arrived a couple days ahead to familiarize ourselves with the town, which was 1500 miles from home. Spending that time there together helped once we were back home, as when she would talk about the coffee shop or the ice cream parlor, I could visualize those places.
Not having a lengthy move-in was a good thing, because it kept us focused on the must-do’s and didn’t allow time for dithering. I had written a letter to D before we left home and slipped it in her dorm drawer during move-in. Knowing that I had “gone on record” about how proud we were of her helped when it was time for us to go and let me make the goodbye quick & cheerful. (Shades of the goodbye advice I always gave to the parents of my preschool class students!) I was also glad that I had taken a few photos of our D’s dorm room, the view from her window, etc. When I was back home and particularly missing her, it helped to be able to see her in her new “nest”.
Honestly, I think what helped the most was knowing we’d see her in six weeks for parents’ weekend. I remember that when we arrived for PW and saw her walking confidently toward us, she seemed taller (she hadn’t actually grown taller, but she had matured after having some time to navigate her life more independently).
Having to tell my daughter after several hours of setting up her room, with tears rolling down her face and hugging me quite hard, to “let go, turn around, walk away and start your new life”. When she let go, I turned and headed to my car and never looked back, hoping she was doing the same. It had been just her and me for so many years and now I was empty nest so I think it was just as hard on me as on her. Don’t get me wrong though, we were both very ready and excited for this next step. I stopped at a rest area about 3 hours later and called her through my tears. She had boarded the bus for her orientation camp, had made some conversation with a couple of the other girls, and sounded cheerful. Thank Goodness, I really didn’t want to have to turn around lol. Just typing this is making me cry 
I’m probably the odd mother out. DH and I can’t WAIT to drop our daughter off in August, although we love her dearly and she is a delight. But after taking care of our mentally ill son for almost four years (2011-2015), we are TIRED. He is sweet, but it was like parenting an 8-year-old again. We run our business out of our home, and the constant distractions have worn us down. DH and I talked and realized that we BOTH feel a similar excitement as before we got married. Not that I won’t miss D, but it will be good to be selfish again. We saw our ill son last night, and he is happier in his supervised apartment setting than we’ve seen him in years. No visible signs of his illness. 
The hardest part will be worrying about our middle child, the one who starts studying at the American University of Beirut in the fall.
@MaineLonghorn, not the odd mother out. After being a single mom for 26 years, I was very much looking forward to starting my new empty nest life and having the freedom to work more and have “my time”. I relish in the fact that I truly believe I have given both my kids the wings they need to soar and accomplish all those things they want in life. Its just bittersweet isn’t it?
No ML…I’m the odd duck. My kids were so happy to be at college. And we were proud to have them there.
No tears, no long goodbyes.
We simply said bye…remember to call us once a week (which they did…and still do), and we went home.
MY D is happy to go and we are very proud of all she’s done so far and excited to see what she does next. H and I need the time alone to get to know each other again. We’re excited about that too. But I’ll still miss her. I don’t think there is any one way to “be”. Just as some kidults call home every day and are still independent, others need prompting to provide “proof of life”. It’s all good.
Be ready for a resurgence of emotions the first time they go back to school after a long break. I was startled when we sent oldest back after the long winter break. We had settled back into our old routine with a full family- and then had to say goodbye again. That was when it really hit me that from now on, every visit home would end with them leaving.
My S’s move-in was a 2 day affair and it was very poignant for me. Remember, he was moving into our alma mater, so I was basically giddy with excitement. Moved him in and I took him to the Whole Foods a block from campus for lunch. I could tell he was nervous and asked him what was wrong. He burst forward in a whole lot of emotion how nervous he was, how everybody else probably had it all together, he didn’t know what he was doing, etc. I said sweetie - you’re ahead of the game. You know this campus (he had stayed there for summer programs for a few years), you know your way around here more than 99% of the freshmen here, many of whom are seeing it for the first time - and dad and I are 45 min away. Everyone is scared and nervous - but you got this. We had a great talk and spent the rest of the afternoon just walking around campus.
Later that afternoon, they had a program such that the parents went to a reception on the beach while the students went back to their dorms and had dinner with RAs and hall mates. We said goodbye and he looked so lost and scared that all I wanted to do was hug him and take him to dinner and have one more night with my precious baby boy. But I swallowed hard and said - I think you really need to go back to your dorm and meet your hall mates. I’ll see you tomorrow morning! I smiled brightly, waved at him, took a picture of him walking away, and as soon as he was out of earshot I cried like a baby.
The coda is that when he graduated and I moved him out, he asked if we could eat lunch at the very same Whole Foods and he reminisced about how far he had come and his whole journey. My S is the old-soul, sentimental type in general, and it was a nice wrap-up.
Glad to hear some of you talk about being happy to see your children off to college and looking forward to the prospect of the empty nest. Similarly, I was happy for my son to finally leave for college, we didn’t have any tearful goodbyes because he was just as happy to be there as I was to see him off. And the empty nest syndrome was just as good as I hoped it would be, it’s been a great year for all. The best part is that he is home for the summer, more mature and independent and easy to get along with, and thus we are thrilled he is back for a couple of months. Maybe when he leaves this time I will feel sadder than I did at that time last year!
The hardest part for our family was the night before we left. Everything was packed and DH, younger son, and I all went to “tuck” our DS into bed one last time. Ended up with all of us crying…nothing was ever going to be the same…but we were much better after 2 days of moving in ceremonies.
I have to say, moving my S a few hours away into his first apartment was harder. I felt like my heart had been ripped out as I was driving back home, and I was mopey for a few days.
My D had gone to school halfway across the country, but settled back here (not at our urging - that’s just how it worked out).
Much harder than dropping her off was dealing with the first time she got sick at college. Both of my kids got numerous colds first semester since the dorms dorms are pretty much germ factories, and the kids have to build up new immunities while they’re completely sleep deprived. It’s sort of like a repeat of pre-school. It’s so sad to hear them feeling sick and miserable and feel so helpless-in contrast to the more “sentimental” sadness of departing on the first day.
What will probably be hard for me is in a few weeks, when we take all three kids up to Bar Harbor for a short family trip. With one son overaseas for the long term, I don’t know when we’ll get to do this again. I do like hearing the three of them laugh together. Three VERY different people, but they get along well.
The hardest part when older d left was worrying about how she would adjust and dealing with younger d who was vry sad and crying in the back seat. Hardest when younger d left was that I was worried about older d driving back to her college for the first time for her senior year.