<p>I like the main essay as well. The Harry Potter sucked big time.</p>
<p>Thank you for your comments!</p>
<p>flipchick, I just want to add my voice to those telling you just to stick to the main essay. The Harry Potter one misuses a number of words, and comes off as anti-intellectual, both of which could serious hurt your chances.
best of luck.</p>
<p>fantasy club = society for creative anachronism. but personally i don’t like that organization. it’s too much like LARP.</p>
<p>I am also Harry Potter fan, and I see nothing bad and nonintellectual in reading it. Every person has his or her own favorite books, really, I have read many serious intellectual books, like War and Peace, but I never was so fascinated, in other words, I was never fascinated at all before reading Harry Potter. I am sure that there are more people in the world, who heard the word Potter, than who heard the word Harvard. Admission Committee just maintains artificial frames for our essay.</p>
<p>We cannot use the SAT words, we cannot write about ourselves as a normal people, because it’s clichéd, we cannot express what we think really, because we’ll be seem childish or geekish - I’m tired of all this, I’m tired of guessing what adcom wants to hear from me. It says:" Don’t try to predict our opinion", but it’s just words, really it WANTS us guessing their “great” opinion. Admission Committee search for essays thrilling, like “Matrix” or “Terminator”, romantic, like “Gone with the Wind”, and thoughtful, like classics, they wish to enjoy themselves by reading our “interesting” essays, but don’t wish to see us real. Students turned to base populist politicians, making pompous, effective speeches in their essays, but not reflecting the very purpose of this creation - showing the aspirations and goals. </p>
<p>I have read many “great”, as adcom said essays. They are more similar to newspaper articles, with great grammar and beautiful sentence construction, than to describing the personality; there are not central personal subject - they are about nothing, about something abstract, like cheap action movies. In my essay, I’d like to write about multiculturalism, which affected me so much, but I learned it’s an old topic, that the poor little ears of our admission officers are tired to hear. I’d like to use many SAT words, such as “coercion” or “antipathy”, but adcom hates them.</p>
<p>I seak of seeing the people so concerned of their essay. Send anything what you wrote, even if it is about Harry Potter. Adcom is capricious, unpredictable - today it likes leaders, then - geeks; firstly, serious, then Pottermans. So don’t be just populist scriptwriter of the thriller, be yourself. Really. </p>
<p>Harvard was first in my list, but, after month on College Confidential, it became last. I began to hate it. It uses its great name in speculating manner very often.</p>
<p>stardragon: I think you should not let anything you’ve read here prejudice you against Harvard. What you see here is not in any way representative of the institution.</p>
<p>have had many people look at your main essay? i see quite a few grammatical mistakes. i didnt read all of it, though. it was way too boring. let me guess, at the end you helped make a great float? whoopee</p>
<p>stardragon, no offense, but personality is never an excuse for bad grammar and bad presentation. i don’t know what you’ve read in your lifetime that has led you to believe that you can get away with not knowing how to form a coherent sentence. you are completely right that people should stop guessing what the colleges want to read. you are completely wrong that students shouldn’t worry about the composition of their essay.</p>
<p>Ivyleaguechamp, you may not think that making a good float is a big deal or even interesting, but it was very important to me. It was an experience that was really personal to me and that meant a lot. Now, I don’t know what grammar mistakes you are talking about, my English teacher certainly didn’t point them out if they are there. If they are I would really appreciate you letting me know what they are instead of just criticizing my essay topic, because that’s not going to change. So, instead of trying to put down my interests, help me to make my essay better by some constructive criticism. I’m very open to that.</p>
<p>go to the most advanced english teacher at your school and ask him to help you</p>
<p>If my grammar mistakes are so subtle that my English teacher cannot find them, and since you won’t point them out, I’m not wasting my time checking every English teacher in the school to find one. My English teacher knows her stuff, she’s won writing awards and has taught for years, so there can’t be anything too glaring. She may have missed something, yes, but it can’t be anything too huge. It doesn’t help me just to tell me that there are “quite a few” mistakes if you won’t point them out.</p>
<p>flipchick - where else are you applying?</p>
<p>I applied Stanford EA and I’m applying to Indiana University, Brigham Young University, Northwestern, University of Chicago, Duke, Princeton, and Yale.</p>
<p>Also, if there are mistakes in my main essay, please point them out (besides things like the tv shows not being italicized because that’s just because of the forum). Thank you!</p>
<p>ok well this is one i just saw quickly:</p>
<p>"pull ourselves out of the chaos that was sophomore year. "
try: “pull ourselves out of the chaos of sophmore year”</p>
<p>question: you don’t have a public profile, just wondering what you’re planning to major in, what your hook is etc?
and good luck with your schools!</p>
<p>i’m not trying to be an ass. it’s my opinion and a general rule that you should have at least two qualified people go over your essay. i’m not pefect, so i’m not going to be telling you to make changes…but changes do need to be made.</p>
<p>your english teacher obviously doesn’t care about you helping you or isn’t too smart if she left your essay like that</p>
<p>Thank you gianievve. Let’s see, I planning right now to major in physics, although I am considering biology as well. I plan on going into the medical field. I don’t really have a hook. I’ve been in gymnastics my whole life and I’ve (obviously:)) been a class officer for four years, so there is some passion in there, but no real hook.</p>
<p>ivyleaguechamp, you are yet to point out any of the horrible things in there. Constructive criticism is helpful, but criticizing just for the sake of criticizing is pretty rude.</p>
<p>“When my name was announced as treasurer during my seventh period class, it was all I could do not to shout out in a surge of delight.”</p>
<p>what?</p>
<p>“When I came to learn that the officers were in charge of building the class float, I filled up with exhilaration and eagerness.”</p>
<p>you filled up, huh? </p>
<p>your english teacher was probably busy and just skimmed over it. you can be stubborn and just ask around on cc and submit a flawed essay, or you can make the smart choice and go to someone who actually cares about you and will help you make it perfect</p>
<p>flipchick - don’t let this whole essay thing stress you out.</p>
<p>and just an idea - if you’re crazy about gymnastics it wouldn’t be a bad idea to write your additional essay about it - maybe a competition you won, or a particular technique that took you a long time to master… just think about it okay? I think it would probably really let your passion shine through. Good luck with everything and tell us how it all goes!</p>