<p>flipchick, I noticed that you wrote so many essays, changing them again and again and something writing new ones over and over. Don’t stress so much on the essay and let people’s opinions affect you so much. There is no essay in which everyone in the world will like. And besides, the essay is not something that makes you or breaks you. Rather, it’s just a supplement to your application. Just write about what you value and what you think is important to you and that’s good enough. Really good applicants with a decent essay will probably be admitted anyway and weaker applicants with an amazing essay may still be rejected. So don’t stress so much, and just send what you have now. Your essay about float is perfectly fine, there’s no need for additional ones.</p>
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<p>flipchick,
Forever21 is right to say that you shouldn’t stress too much about them though. Just do the best you can, and have them edited by someone who’s actually qualified to offer some sort of opinion or criticism, i.e. an English teacher, or 2. 2 opinions are better than one, and that way you’ll know that the 1st opinion saying the essay was great/awful wasn’t just a fluke. But in my opinion, CC is definitely not the place to have your essay evaluated … it seems like there’s too much negative energy floating around from other potential 09s who are too quick to put down someone that’s essentially competition for them, I guess either because they’re stressed or because they feel that being extra harsh somehow builds them up … Regardless, an English teacher and/or maybe a close friend (who ISN’T applying to the same schools you are) will probably be your best bets.</p>
<p>i agree with ck 100% except for agreeing with forever21. he’s saying to submit it as is. no.</p>
<p>Thanks for your responses! You’re right, I shouldn’t stress out. Gianievve, I understand your point on the gymnastics, but my short answer on the common app. is already about that. I think it would be a little redundant to do another essay on it. I think I’ll just stick with my main essay. I don’t think the things ivyleaguechamp pointed out necessarily have to be changed. I like the wording there, even though it is a bit different. Thanks again!</p>
<p>caramelkisses-
I didn’t say the essay didn’t matter at all. I meant that if your overall application was good and your essay was DECENT (not bad) then you’ll probably get in anyway. I think flipchick’s main essay is decent enough.
Recs are important too, they reveal a lot about you.</p>
<p>I just want to say… you seem very passionate about being a class officer. Try to channel more of that ardor into your essay. It, essentially, is very good.</p>
<p>love the thread title!
speaking to “grammar” (your english teacher was right - grammar is fine - these are style issues)
First of all in the last 3 sentences of the first paragraph you use “Have” - perfect tense - for your senior year, whereas in the last paragraph you use “Had” - pluperfect tense which I think is more appropriate. (also, i feel the 1st paragraph digression on victory was a little unnecessary)
“we were able to pull ourselves out of the chaos that was sophomore year. We went into the competition with a new attitude: We were there to have fun. What a difference this attitude made on the year!” - You used the word ‘year’ twice here - awkward repetition
“Outshined” is incorrect except in context of music; “Outshone” is the correct form
I totally love your enthusiasm though! You seem passionate in a carefree way. </p>
<p>HOWEVER, I don’t think you need to cover each year of h.s…it’s just too much to go in decent depth about as many people have noted. my suggestions: start with a prologue like “since freshman year I’d made floats for student council but we lost blah blah”. think about what was the moment you finally felt ready to defeat fate and make a good float? attitude change? drive home the idea that it wasn’t all the new president’s work! go in depth, show your writing expertise! And include the victory chant as a condensed epilogue like “In senior year we won”. We know you wanted to win and orating at us about it makes you seem like a sore loser rather than cheerful and enthusiastic! </p>
<p>About the additional essay - i am a harry potter fan myself. I would however never put that on my Harvard application simply because it is not relevant. What does it say except that you are entranced by good writing, something many don’t even consider a virtue but a character flaw? I liked the connections to other literature but sorry to say Philip Pullman is basically the same deal and you can read The Republic and get out of it nothing at all (I read it in freshman year and in retrospect the big lesson there never read bad translations of classical greek! :rolleyes: however I am currently rereading it, after doing some nietzche, and understanding a LOT more). It’s not apparent that you got any real intellectual stimulation, any sparks of your own philosophy out of these books (though I’m sure you did). So elaborate on those points as others have said! or just don’t submit, no stress. </p>
<p>And for the record a more literal translation: “A sleeping dragon is never to be tickled”. You know, they’re not saying you can’t do it. :)</p>
<p>if i’m being 100% honest, then I’m telling you that every essay of yours that I have read has been trash. If this is honestly how you write, if you are this trite in the way you express yourself, then harvard isn’t for you.</p>
<p>aw that was kinda harsh. Don’t take it so seriously, there’s lots of other people who liked your essay. No one will like every essay</p>
<p>Thanks for your comments. I’m not seriously going to use my Harry Potter essay. Thanks for your comments on my main essay!</p>