<p>We returned home late Sunday night. Wow! what an experience. We got our son all moved in and met the roommates and their parents. Everyone seems very nice and the boys all seem compatible. The boys across the hall are athletes and they seem to be pretty social. My son and his roommates are quiet and not really the “cool” and athletic types so I wonder how this will work out. I trust that Harvard does a good job in assigning room locations and not just roommates. Any advice?</p>
<p>Also, my son seems to be a little homesick already. I hear about other kids being really excited about the new adventure, but my son’s voice seems a little down. When I ask him if everythings ok he says “yes, it’s just that everything is new and confusing and he doesn’t know anyone”. He says his roommates have friends from their high school so they know people and they take off with them. He says he doesn’t know them well enough yet to say “hey can I come with you?” Anyway, I hope that things will settle down and he will become more comfortable with a new setting. Any advice on how to handle homesickness? </p>
<p>Thanks so much. This is killing me and my husband :(</p>
<p>My kid attended FUP and that was the best thing that happened to her. I heard the FUP leaders arrived at the Science center and took the FUPpies to Currier, where they had a blast. D seems very happy and says coming to FUP made a huge difference. She knows a lot of kids already and they kept texting and calling her to join them for meals but she apologised and hung out with us till the FUP meeting on Sunday.
We bought bed-risers and stored her winter coats in a plastic underbed storage, as the bureau is small. I think H really know what they’re doing when they match roommates. We had asked for a very diverse group and ended up with kids from all different backgrounds. D is very excited and looks forward to getting to know her suitemates better!</p>
<p>Guitars - This week is full of activities; your son should plan to attend as many as possible. His Peer Advising Fellow should help organize new students to attend; he should feel free to go to his PAF and say “Hey - everything is new and confusing and I don’t know anyone.” I realize that that’s somewhat more forthcoming however, than a lot of males are inclined to be.</p>
<p>Thanks. We did get a text from him saying that his day was filled with activities that Harvard has scheduled so hopefully he’ll start to feel a little more comfortable with the situation. I know that this is a different environment and even though we told him it was going to be different from high school, I don’t think he listened. In high school he knew everyone and was quite popular with his peers and the teachers. He was voted Student of the Year by the administration and the students. I think the saying is… he was a big fish in a little pond (even though his high school had 3,000 students) and now he’s a little fish in a big pond. </p>
<p>Thanks for everyone’s support. I sincerely don’t know what I would do without all of you :)</p>
<p>p.s. is it wierd that I keep looking at the schedule and thinking to myself “ok, now he should be at such and such activity”? I keep looking at the clock and wondering where he is now. We are in Calif so I have to add 3 hours to the day. I feel so stupid for admitting this to all of you ;)</p>
<p>I can remember doing that all the way back to the beginning of preschool. (It’s 10:30; he’s having a snack now. . .)</p>
<p>I think Harvard is also mindful in assigning room locations. The example I remember hearing is that they would put two serious chess players in the same entryway, but not in the same suite for fear they would never leave the suite. I’m sure that if your son keeps getting out he’ll find a few like-minded kids in the same situation.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that once he gets engaged in classes he will likely get involved in study groups and make more friends that way. Also, I seem to recall that you said he was looking to get involved in religious groups. What a great way to meet people as well. He should think about what other clubs/organizations he may want to join. It will all fall into place. Give it time.</p>
<p>THANK YOU all so much! I really appreciate it. </p>
<p>My son just called and said that he thinks the struggle is the uncertainty of class selection and how things work in general. He is VERY use to a structured life. He is a rule follower and is a “creature of habit”. He won’t do things that are not on his planner. This served him well in high school in the fact that he was a very good student and never ever gave us any reason to worry about his behavior. Now, in college this is not a good thing with all the uncertainty of how things work and having to live on his own. I feel guilty for not advising him to “loosen up” earlier.</p>
<p>I can understand his anxiety about class selection! These hundred of courses to choose from!</p>
<p>Has he finished taking all his placement tests yet? At the end, he should be given a sheet showing all the courses he needs to take over the next four years. for example, expos, x number of gen ed courses in different categories (I’m not familiar with the new requirements as my S will be graduating this year). foreign language (if applicable).<br>
The courses he needs to take THIS year are: Expos (either fall or spring–it won’t be up to him); a year long foreign language course (unless he passes out or has the SAT or AP score); and, if he wishes, a freshman seminar (yes, he’ll have to choose among 100+!).
Tell him to talk to a peer advisor, proctor, faculty advisor, to discuss his interests, strengths, and the appropriate strategies to follow. For example even if he is a math/science guy, he should not take too many courses with weekly P-sets. Or he may not want to have too many courses with many papers, all due more or less at the same time. He can look up the syllabi of quite a few courses online already by going to the courses’ websites.
Then he should make a list of courses that are of interest to him and plan on shopping them. He needs not be afraid of walking out of a course if he wants to shop another course in the same time slot.<br>
Tell him to hang out with his roommates and friends; there’s often quite good information passed through the grapevine. He has the whole of next week to shop and decide; and even then, he can still add or drop a course until fairly late into the course. So do tell him to relax and enjoy this time.</p>
<p>Guitars:
Also tell him to check the CUE guide and speak to upperclassmen about classes and professors. Many students shop upwards of ten classes and then narrow it down. And remember that several classes have sections also that he will be scheduled into.
Advise him to keep his receipts for the books that he buys … he can return them to the Coop during a certain time period (he should check on this) if he doesn’t stay in a particular course. Even during shopping period, students are required to do the work that is assigned, so once he’s sure he does not want to continue in a class, he should just move on.
Harvard is a place that fosters independence and decision making. It may be tough in the beginning, but you’ll be amazed at how self-sufficient he will be in a few months!</p>
<p>Also, in regard to homesickness, remember that most kids (little ones in camp and big ones in college) tend to call when they are feeling down. Generally they are fine by the time they hang up the phone, and you’re left worrying while they’ve moved on to have a good time after unloading their burdens on you. Ahhhh… the joys of being a parent!</p>
<p>Guitars 101 Twin Mom is right there have been so many times when my kids have come to me or called in tears over something and then I spend the day agonizing, thinking its the end of the world and worrying only to have them come back and say “oh it’s ok, I just needed someone to talk with or to vent”! Of course I end up with a few more grey hairs each time!
I noticed that there were a lot of social activities at night, board games, movies with commentary, favorite shows being shown in various dorms open to all etc.( I saw the schedule on the tables in Annenburg) Encourage him to try out some of these and to ask some others if they are interested in going with him. There are probably many other kids who feel the same way he does and feel like they don’t know each other well enough to ask if they can go along so he’ll probably be helping someone by doing this. Also you mentioned he was involved in Church Youth Groups in High School, this is a great way to meet folks, we move a lot and its usually the first thing my kids seek out because the kids are so kind and inviting. Hang in there!</p>
<p>^ agree with EAO1227 - best thing he could do is attend services - fortunately one of D’s roommates is also into this and they have gone to some gatherings together. Instant network. And a good opportunity to pause in the midst of all the activity, reflect, get centered.</p>
<p>From a student perspective, I agree with your son, guitars101, that this first week or so is the hardest and scariest. I’m like your son, and I hated the uncertainty of not knowing what my schedule would be like the rest of the semester…and especially having 3,500 classes to choose from. In high school, the only options were like honors or midtrack, not a selection of actual classes, so it was completely intimidating for me to suddenly have so many options and so much freedom. Talking to my PAF really helped–when I told her my interests, she helped me choose some shopping options. I also went into shopping week with the mindset of finding at least one core class (Gen ed?) per semester–it helped me narrow down the four class slots because suddenly one of them would have to be a core class (which are plentiful, but limited compared to the selection you could have). I also just went on the courses tab on my.harvard and did random searches for keywords that interested me, adding anything and everything to my shopping list if I even slightly thought I might want to take it. Then I checked out CUE ratings and looked at the syllabi, narrowing down the list to maybe 15. As I shopped, I just narrowed down my list until I ended up with a core class, a freshman seminar, an intro class for my probable concentration, and a language class, which I felt was a pretty good line-up for the first semester.</p>
<p>Tell your son not to worry–honestly, everyone is feeling the same way that he is! (even if they won’t admit it!). One of my favorite, and least favorite, things about Harvard is the freedom you have–it’s exciting but can be scary. Things really do have a way of falling into place, though, especially once the unstructured freedom and chaos of freshman week ends. Also make sure your son hits the activities fair and signs up for some stuff and finds out when intro meetings are. Hope this helps a little!</p>
<p>harvard1636, you are so sweet to help and calm down this stressful mom
I will pass all your info on to him. Good to know about the class elimination process that worked for you.</p>
<p>–One of the distinctive things about Harvard is how big a role extracurricular activities play in the lives of many students. Part of their attraction may well be the opportunities they provide to meet, and develop friendships with, other students who have similar interests and temperaments. That said, your son might well benefit from exploring some (but not too many, at least to start) of these extracurricular opportunities.</p>
<p>–To the extent that your son may be a bit disoriented as a result of of no longer feeling like such a “big fish” relative to his peer group, I think it’s the rare Harvard freshman who doesn’t feel that way, at least for a while. And that’s nothing to worry about - it does require a bit of an adjustment.</p>
<p>–Classes at Harvard come in all sizes, from very large to very small. In thinking about what classes to take this fall, your son might want to consider taking at least one relatively small class, such as one of the freshman seminars.</p>
<p>Good advice, epistrophy. I will add, however, that with large lectures, it is often easy to make friends in the smaller sections where people are looking to form study groups.</p>
