“I stay home and bake cookies.”
Actually I don’t talk about my kids because I’m not crazy about people talking about theirs. Who cares about someone’s kids and then there’s alot of bragging on that level,too.
Of course,I could REALLY tell the truth and say that I broke my foot in early July and have been laid up,spending my time filing, making future travel arrangements and binge watching Sons of Anarchy and Call the Midwife…ha! Alot of these people take themselves pretty seriously and don’t have my sense of humor! 
I have a reunion coming up too.
Im not currently working really, which is mostly because my work was physical, & I have health things which I * really* dont want to even mention, let alone get into a conversation about.
I think I will just say I’m retired & talk about the other things Im involved with.
Plus, I know what Im doing, I want to hear about everyone else!
The funny thing is, my husband says his classmates don’t talk about work or compete.At their age they’re over it, but the women(wives and Radcliffe) are the pushy type A’s.
@nottelling:
I am not talking the networking opportunity folks, I am talking about people who when they meet someone, judge them by what they do for a living and use their own status to lord over people, and they do exist, among men and women. And if you believe there isn’t a stigma about being a SAHM, you haven’t been reading much out there, where professional women are telling other women that they can have it all, a career and family, that they need to
“opt in” (I think that was Sandberg’s version of things), and what they are saying is basically that if a woman choses to ‘opt out’ there is something wrong with them, and there is no other way to read it. My friend didn’t use her line about sex with anyone who asked about what she did, she used it with people she believed were snobby idiots and would judge, more than likely having seen them interact with other people.
The reality is that only around 15% of women are not working outside the home, but if they have the ability to be SAHM and want to be, it shouldn’t be that big a deal and it definitely shouldn’t be looked down upon, as they say, you do what you have to do, and what you do for a living should not be a measure of a person. I don’t know if there is anything special about being a quant at a hedge fund other than making a lot of money as opposed to let’s say a mechanic, and I get a lot more joy talking to someone doing woodworking for a living or doing garden design then I do talking to a quant shrug
I think it’s silly to try and make something up…why not say “I chose not to work outside the home” and be done with it especially if it’s the truth which many times it is. At the very minimum it says your husband has a position where he’s able to support the entire family on one income. I don’t think people are intentionally patronizing…women that have kids KNOW how hard it is and if they work and have kids they KNOW how much it costs to pay someone else to take care of things from 6 AM to 6 PM.
@dke - I feel your pain! I find myself in similar situations and I never quite know what to say. SAHM just sounds odd now that I don’t have any kids at home!
My son’s girlfriend suggested I tell people that I’m “retired” 
@momofthreeboys:
I think a lot of women know that, polls of working women show a lot of them would like to be SAHM, but can’t afford it. It would be interesting to see the attitudes of people who have let’s say graduated from elite schools and had the career, how they would view a classmate who chose the SAHM path, and would it be any different than classmates from a more ordinary school and so forth…I think people would assume that the high fliers who go to Harvard would be more likely to judge, but I am not so sure of that, just based on what little I have seen of these things, often the most judgement comes from surprising places, I suspect some of it is from women who would like to be SAHM but can’t…but nothing scientific about that, either.
I haven’t gone to my college reunions, but always go to my high school reunions by myself. IMO, these things are DEADLY boring for spouses, who don’t share any of the history of the alums.
If my spouse were there, I would be worrying about how dreadfully bored he was and wouldn’t be able to relax and have a good time with old friends.
IMO, going by yourself is a win-win - spouse doesn’t have to suffer through it, and you have a better time.
Funny thing is,I like talking to the guys.I’m a naturally friendly person and their talons don’t seem to come out like with the women. My husband cracks up because I end up knowing several of them from early NYC DAZE, or recognise them from when they’d road trip to my women’s college.Never forget a face which can be a curse.ha! I’ll stick with the guys,I guess.
Sandberg’s poor spouse just croaked, so I don’t think she is in “having it all” mode any more 
At least college reunions tend to be free when on campus. My HS reunion is $200 per person and I am NOT spending that kind of money to see people I didn’t want to see 30 years ago. Except for maybe one or two, but the other 300 are not worth it.
dke, something that I have learned over time is that there are no “magic people.” Everyone who might seem more accomplished is also engaged in trade-offs. Profession status is nice–I won’t deny it–but there are always costs and always doubts (at least for me–perhaps not for everyone). Harvard pre-selects people with certain personality types, and most likely you are seeing the effects of that selection coming to the forefront at reunions.
I wish you well, and suggest that you not worry about it. Sticking with the guys may be the solution.
And this is why in so many other countries, the question “What do you do?” is considered terribly rude. It’s like asking how much you make. So maybe you can answer “What do I do? Well, I’m considering moving to Switzerland where no polite person would ask that.”
But if you’re nice, you can smile and say “I volunteer.” This has a way of making the “Resume Mommies” feel very insecure. (Oooh, she’s independently wealthy, she made a bundle and retired, she married a Kennedy,she is a Kennedy, she’s on the Ladies’ Guild of the local children’s hospital, etc.)
H went to my high school reunion five years ago which was the first one I had attended.( he hadn’t attended any of his) we went at the tail end, after some had left, but it was more enjoyable than I expected.
I was extremely shy in high school, and I transferred to an alternative school after 10th grade, but I had gone to elementary & jr high, in the same area.
It was amusing to watch two women( that I dont remember), insist they remembered H from high school, and scoured the yearbooks trying to find him.
It kept him busy, and he mostly liked the attention I think.
I think he isnt likely to want to go to the one this year though, IDK.
The nice thing about reunions when you get older is that, you really don’t care about perceived status or any of that.
Perhaps the earlier ones were more about where you went to grad school or networking, which is probably why I didn’t go!
Life is too short.
Even though we are only in our 50’s, its very sobering to hear about those who have passed.
I did have a petty moment despite myself. The man who had raped me when I was 15, ( he was my first high school boyfriend, too), was there with his wife, although he had lost most of his hair & I didn’t recognize him at first. ( I never thought about him being there, he was even more out of the golden crowd than I had been)
It was satisfying to act like not only I didn’t recognize him, but that I didn’t remember him.
I hope he isn’t at the next one though.
Some Harvard alumni have [very unusual occupations and awards](http://www.boston.com/metrodesk/2012/05/23/harvard-alumni-directory-contains-bizarre-entry-for-ted-kaczynski-the-unabomber/c0BFPYTlF48lDqdoU7ZnMK/story.html). But you may prefer to be more “ordinary”.
Funny thing about that is there are about 3 “Notables” in this class. The rest are MDs, lawyers and bankers and a few academics, just like at countless other colleges.
@dke there are also plenty of SAH parents. Just be honest…tell them you are a SAHM…and you have enjoyed managing a very busy and exciting household full of people.
When I was a SAHM I had business cards made up which gave my name, address, phone number and occupation was listed as “Mobile Operations Manager.” 
After having kids, I’ve done the following: stayed home full time, gone to school part time, gone to school part time while also working part time, worked full time night shift, worked full time time day shift, worked part time, worked only every couple of weeks. In my experience, staying home full time really WAS the hardest job of all.
I don’t know these people you’re around OP, but if I said that to you, I would not remotely be being “patronistic,” I’d be telling you exactly how I felt about it.
When I was a SAHM, I didn’t care what other people thought about it. In fairness, however, I must say that I also knew a LOT of other SAHMs, so I wasn’t constantly confronted with working moms who didn’t “get it.” The working moms at our private schools were probably in reality the minority.
If you’re a person who is able to engage in an intelligent and good-humored conversation about anything that comes up, you’re a gem and will stand out for that reason alone. I’m happy to talk about myself but I’m also good at following where the other person leads. Let’s just say, the other person is usually quite happy to be able to talk about himself or herself, too.