I recently went to a picnic (related to my husband’s hobby) where I knew very few attendees. At our table, folks were chatting about one fellow’s recent job change. His girlfriend sat across the table, saying very little. I considered asking her something that would open up the conversation, but feared asking her about work (not wanting to put her on the spot and not wanting to be perceived as one-upping if her occupation was not considered the same status as mine). I eventually asked “are you a techie too?” (as her boyfriend was in the tech field). She responded with her very diverse and interesting occupations. This broke the ice, gave us something to talk about. Interestingly, she never asked about my occupation (and I did not volunteer).
I wouldn’t have hesitated to ask about work if she had been male.
When I was married, it used to bug me when people would ask my husband what he did but wouldn’t ask me. I guess this explains the discrepancy.
Project Manager or Domestic Engineer.
I know a SAHM with three kids. On her facebook page for employment she writes “I don’t work. I’m a princess.”
I don’t mind being asked what I do, but I do mind being condescended to ie: “What do you do ALL day?” The implication being I’m getting mani/pedi’s followed by a ladies lunch, and then home in time to watch my stories and eat bon bons. 
Why do you go? (Sorry if this has been asked already) How can you stand it? 
My wife and I recently chickened out of attending our 35th grad school reunion. We graduated together from the same elite Ivy league b-school. I did accompany her last year to her… what was it… 40th undergrad reunion at a less elite LAC, and it was a bit of an ordeal.
Unbelievably cruel. Just wow.
I would be tempted to tell them what I did all day…and if that included eating bin bond, going out to lunch, getting nails and hair done, shopping, etc…so be it.
And I would emphasize how much easier it is when it’s so much less crowded…not on weekends or evenings.
“Unbelievably cruel. Just wow.”
??Confused.
You might enjoy the reunion better if you go with an open mind and not labeling people as “pushy” or whatever.
I was a SAHM for over 10 years and never minded anyone asking what I did. I simply said I was a mom with 2 kids and not working outside the home. Never got any negative comments.
@busdriver11 I think that might be about the Cheryl Sandberg’s husband comment…
If your kids are still home, then just say SAHM. If they are off at college, tell them you are on sabbatical!! Being the spouse at one of those things is a snooze even if you are a movie star.
. . .and after you tell them about the TV/bonbons/nails/lunch/shopping/poolboy/handyman, etc.:
“I’m so fortunate that my H earns enough to fully support our family. It’s such a pity you have to work . . .I just can’t imagine how difficult that would be. No wonder you look so frazzled, you poor thing! Tell me, how do you manage it?” 
H is a Yale grad (never went to any reunions, just reading alumni notes makes him feel inadequate). When he was in college, other students often asked him what his dad did. H’s dad cared for his handicapped son at home. He was chronically depressed and hadn’t had a paying job in a dozen years. Most of H’s classmates’ parents seemed to have prominent positions in business/government/academics, though, and H was too embarrassed to tell the truth, so he said his dad was a “Mystic.”
Sometimes I try to think of answers to “the question” that sound less boring than SAHM–without quite lying. I could say “I’m in real estate. . .”(I rent out my basement) or “I’m a poet. . .” (with those refrigerator magnets), I do mediation. . ." (break up kids’ fights), “I’m a fashion consultant. . .” (“You’re not wearing THAT, are you?” “Get a haircut!”)
Came up with a few that might stop the conversation even faster than “I’m a SAHM”
How about “I do audits for the IRS,” “I’m a grammarian,” or “I’m a funeral director”?
Tell,them you work for the CIA and you can’t discuss your work.
Be sensitive when talking about children. Not everyone has them, and whether or not it was a choice to be child-free, nonparents don’t always feel comfortable hearing about other people’s kids.
^^ Why not just say “I’m not working right now” – you’re implying that you worked, and will work again in the future. If you don’t want to go into detail, redirect the conversation by smiling brilliantly and asking, “tell me about yourself.”
Done. What’s the problem?
Mommy wars are absurd. People participating in them are absurd. If you sense judgment, move on. Presumably in a room full of educated, worldly college grads you’ll find people who are more rational about individual decisions all women make regarding how they raise their families.
I don’t believe that ALL grads of elite schools (or their wives) are really that narrow minded.
You could also think about what you do want to talk about and direct the conversation toward those topics. As we’ve all seen from this board, people are willing to chat about anything. Ask them how their last colonoscopy went, or if they’ve seen the latest banana slicer. Jolly rancher flavor preferences are always good in a pinch.
@nottelling I want you at my next dinner party !
" ‘What do I do?’ Well, my jobs are really very boring, but lately I’ve been reading the most fascinating books. I’m just obsessed with studying the Tudor period. I think Queen Elizabeth the First is absolutely an amazing woman, so I’ve been spending a lot of time reading the history of the period."
Be a politician. Just because someone asks you a question doesn’t mean you have to answer the question you are asked. (Just watch any political “debate.” Any question is perceived as an entree into a canned answer.)
It’s so much easier to deflect the question: “Oh, my job is terribly boring. What do you do?” “Really, that sounds so interesting, can you tell me more?”
Right. You don’t even need the “boring job” part. “What do you do?” “Now that I’m an empty nester, we finally have time to travel. We’re thinking of going to Zion National Park this year. Have you ever been?”
I think it’s always fun to talk about hobbies or vacations to find common ground. You should be proud of being a SAHM.
In Ireland and the UK the question ‘What do you do?’ is considered rude. You have every reason and right to be proud to be a SAHM (I figured out what that means), but here is my suggestion for a reply: ‘I stay busy, but what I am really enjoying these days is…’