<p>I agree with Massmomm. For me to be coy about where I went to college suggests that I have already decided that I am superior to you because you went to a lesser school. That is obnoxious and presumptuous. And of course it doesn’t matter in the real world anyway–it’s about what you do with whatever opportunities you have, and whether you are a good person. </p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with taking pride in one’s school, whether it’s Harvard or North Dakota State. Just don’t be a jerk about it.</p>
<p>In the Midwest, I grew up with the image of Harvard/Yale being full of WASPy, rich, East Coast prep school snobs. A foreign culture which didn’t appeal to me. First time I ever saw H (at a distance, and I thought he was kinda cute. . .) someone told me he was a Yale grad. Well, that was a turn-off. Because of those negative stereotypes, I avoided him. When I finally talked to him (months later), I found that he was just a poor (smart) kid from Memphis. A lot of people have the impression that ivy students put themselves above others. Smart, impressive, yes. But outsiders, elites, “too good for us,” not “one of us.” They go “back home” and some folks are in awe, but for most, they just don’t fit in with everyone else who went to state u. Anyway, I can see why at times it is a disadvantage to tell people you went to an elite school because you don’t know what that will mean to them. But, in the end, compared to all the problems one could have in the world, this is one problem that I would gladly take on.</p>
<p>I generally don’t talk about things that I don’t see as being relevant to the conversation. Because, really, my school or job or whatever is NOT what we were talking about.</p>
<p>One night at my gaming group, the hostess asked if anyone wanted a promotional t-shirt she’d been given at a convention. It had the slogan, “Meet me at the bar,” on it (referring to security indication on a web browser).
Me: “I’ll take it, since I’m a member of the bar.”
Friend Without College Degree: “You’re a member of the bar?”
Me: “Yeah.”
FWCD (sarcastically): “What, you’re an ATTORNEY?”
Me: “Yeah.”
FWCD (shocked/puzzled): “You’re an attorney? Really?”
Me: “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Another time someone was talking about the city where I went to law school (not in or near Boston area), and I said something about the place. They asked how I knew, I said because I was there when I went to law school X, and they said, “Wait… is that YOUR car outside with [law school X] sticker on it?”</p>
<p>It does feel like hijacking the conversation. It does feel like bragging. So I avoid it. I’d much rather just continue the conversation we were already having, thank you very much.</p>
<p>"The last time I was actually at Harvard I met a girl who didn’t want to tell me she came from Scarsdale for fear I would be too impressed. That’s okay, I told her, I’m from New Canaan.</p>
<p>I have no idea what these places are but from looking at wikipedia, they seem like the North East equivalent of saying you’re from Grosse Pointe (which, since you’re from the North east, probably wouldn’t have heard of - rich area next to Detroit)."</p>
<p>People are kidding themselves if they think that their local references mean a lot outside of their region. All major cities - and most minor cities - have their New Canaan-equivalent. No one’s impressed. </p>
<p>Well, those who are impressed with such things will be impressed if they understand the allusion. They can’t be impressed if they don’t. Forty years ago, when my friends and I all headed off to the southern tailgate U our parents and grandparents had attended, one classmate (child of yankee transplants) went east to an unheard of college we all assumed was really a home for unwed mothers and probably she’d turn up again in a while. Imagine my surprise a few years later to learn about the seven sisters.</p>
<p>Basically I think the farther away you get from your place of origin, the more you “get” what these markers mean. The more sophisticated and cosmopolitan a life you lead, the less provincial you are, the more you (may) understand where others are coming from. Whether you decide any of it matters, or enhances life in any way whatsoever, is a different sort of discussion. </p>
<p>I love the fact that “Penn” = Penn State to many people, so the average person has no idea that it is an Ivy League school.</p>
<p>It is a downer though when you are actually talking to someone and they have trouble grasping the difference. Not only do they get that a) you went to an Ivy League school but also b) you are having to explain to them that Benjamin Franklin founded the school, it’s in Philadelphia, and no it is not Penn State.</p>
<p>I had the opposite thing at Penn; it seemed like every single student was their private high school’s valedictorian and if they were only salutatorian, there was a reasonable excuse like “there were 2000 students and the valedictorian was the principal’s son”. That made me feel inadequate. Then I realized that some of them were no longer the tops at an Ivy.</p>
<p>I try not to mention where I went to school. And also, I made the mistake of asking a fellow parent and Penn grad “when did you graduate?”. Turns out he is 20 years older than me (yikes!), sorry about that buddy!</p>
<p>Meeting a friend in a public place yesterday with other mutual friends, they asked about her D. She said something to the effect of living at home, planning the next step. I had to laugh to myself, as often I’ve noted the parents who say that often have someone depressed at home, unable to find a job, dealing with addiction issues and the like. My friends’ D is devoting the year to volunteer work and med school applications. </p>
<p>Someone running for political office in my state is carefully downplaying her Harvard MBA, to avoid the alienation factor.</p>
<p>I had a peer in graduate school who studied anthropology at Harvard but was moving to engineering who always mentioned “We don’t it that way at Haaavad” for anything and everything. If I remember correctly, there was Chrismas skit one year about “At Haavad”.</p>
<p>Most people play up their degree-by-mail EdD.</p>
<p>And actually, I have a co-worker/sometimes supervisor who spouts about “Harvard” to kids at our school. Our school has a 70% admit rate, and maybe half of those are college prep and half are not. My other co-worker went to Hopkins and I went to Penn, and we say nothing about where we went and how it was there, certainly not in front of the students.</p>
<p>Some of the most enjoyable times we had at college were making fun of every other Ivy, especially Princeton. When you are at a “second-tier” (=fun) Ivy, you can do that.</p>
<p>Here are two threads about telling people your kid is going to Yale. I have had a few awkward conversations. When mailing a package at the PO. “Wow, that’s expensive isn’t it?” “Well, they have really good financial aid.” DH got “You mean Yale, Yale? The Yale?” Like there is some lesser Yale out there. I try to say Yale and quickly follow up with how great a match it is for her and she is really enjoying all the music activities. I also try to ask about their kid if it is another parent.</p>
<p>We Cornellians don’t have this sort of problem.</p>
<p>We do have the problem of our alma mater constantly being criticized on CC, but we don’t have any reluctance to admit to graduating from the place, and we get a surprising amount of respect for having done so.</p>
<p>“Hairdresser: Where is New Haven? I mean, what state?”</p>
<p>I don’t see what’s so surprising about this. New Haven isn’t an important enough city that people outside the Northeast really need to know anything about it or where it’s located. </p>
<p>Look at all the people on CC who couldn’t locate Ohio vs Iowa on a map if their lives depended on it, and are secretly proud of that fact. If they don’t need to know Columbus vs Des Moines, why should people elsewhere distinguish between (say) New Haven and Providence? </p>
<p>I say “my daughter goes to school in Boston” and 9 times out of 10, no one follows up and says “oh, where?” (unless they themselves have a specific tie to Boston) which confirms my opinion that no one really cares in the first place and it’s all just idle chit-chat! </p>
<p>I don’t see what’s so surprising about this. New Haven isn’t an important enough city that people outside the Northeast really need to know anything about it or where it’s located.</p>
<p>That was pretty much my point, as well as a response to Catria’s question just above my post</p>
<p>I admit that until recently (within the last 10 years) I couldn’t even name all the Ivy league schools. Having been through College Admissions with my oldest, when someone says they go to “Insert big name here” I certainly don’t assume they’re brilliant. I’ve seen quite a bit on the inside to know that isn’t the case across the board. I agree with what someone upthread said. Hiding where you go because you don’t want to intimidate, just smacks of pretentiousness. </p>
<p>“I went to school in Philly” is just fine usually. We have a lot of friends who went to Temple, Drexel, PCPS, LaSalle, etc. etc. Most of the time, people actually don’t care at all where you went. And people who went to college in Philly would be pleased to hear you went to Penn, even if they didn’t go to Penn, because of the Philadelphia Big Five and the fact that if you go to South Street, there are tons of college students from every Philly college.</p>
<p>Not answering a question from a relative stranger is not hiding. If you don’t tell your future MIL where you went to college, that’s different. It becomes rude to say “I went to school in Philly” when future MIL says “where did you go to school?”.</p>
<p>It is not rude to say to lady next to you at the hairdressers “I went to school in Philly” and see if she cares enough to ask which school. If the next line from her is “I always wanted to go to college” it was probably a good idea not to pursue the line of the conversation.</p>
<p>I do understand what the OP means. Especially in regards to dating. It could be a fine line, just dropping off-handedly “after I graduated Harvard, I then…” vs. “I went to school in Boston, I really liked it there”.</p>
<p>Of course, some pretentious types would say “I went to college in the Greater Boston Area”.</p>
<p>It’s bizarre to me that people born and raised in the US can’t place all the states on a map. I’ve never been to the north east, I can still place all the states on the map. </p>