<p>I’ve never hidden it (or rather, not mentioned it as forthrightly as I might have mentioned my undergrad school) because I thought it was intimidating. It’s more because it’s such a pain to have to deal with the response I used to get about 10 percent of the time. </p>
<p>“Oh, you went to Haavaard! Excuse me!”</p>
<p>“Weren’t there a lot of snobs there?”</p>
<p>“You and you husband both. Wow, you must be a real power couple!” (No, I’m primarily a SAHM) “Oh…Don’t you feel like you’re wasting your education?”</p>
<p>“So, why isn’t your kid at Harvard?” (When the person pushed my “I wasn’t the right place for him” response, what were my options-to make him sound like a dunderhead or to make it sound like I thought I was all that and a bag of chips by talking about how competitive it is? I went with “School X was a better fit.” Was I obfuscating? The other person seemed to think so.)</p>
<p>I feel like with some people you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you mention that you attended Harvard, or a similar school, you’re accused of trying to impress. If you skirt the question you’re accused of pretension.</p>
<p>I never get these reactions when I mention my undergrad school, a wonderful LAC of which I’m much, much, more proud and to which I’m more attached than Harvard. Luckily I seem to be at a time of life where people don’t seem to care where anyone in my crowd went to school any more.</p>
<p>“If you mention that you attended Harvard, or a similar school, you’re accused of trying to impress. If you skirt the question you’re accused of pretension.”</p>
<p>I think if someone is intimidated by hearing that you went to Harvard (or wherever), it says more about them and their insecurities than it does about you (because all it really says about you is that you went to Harvard, which just means that of the 3,000 colleges in this country, you attended one of them). </p>
<p>Most schools have certain stereotypes attached. If you went to a local college, maybe the listener assumes you aren’t that smart. If you went to a huge party school, maybe someone assumes you’re a big-drinking frat type. People who go to elite schools don’t have a uniquely awful time of it, and in any case I don’t think there are THAT many people who automatically dismiss you as an arrogant elitist because of the school you go to, assuming you haven’t already been acting like an arrogant elitist. </p>
<p>I don’t go out of my way to advertise where I did my undergrad, because yes, it is a good school and it might be perceived as bragging. But neither do I make any effort to hide it. So, if when I was twenty, someone had said to me what do you do, I would have said “I’m a college student,” not “I’m a student at x.” On the other hand, if someone says to me “Where did you go to college,” I’m going to tell them, and I think it is pretty jerky to be secretive about it. Generally, the response is either “that’s nice,” or “so you’re pretty smart, huh?” Neither is unduly troubling to me.</p>
<p>As Golda Meir once said, “Don’t be so humble. You are not that great.”</p>
<p>It is interesting, there is an intersection here of so many things. Some people will react to hearing someone went to Harvard thinking “wow, they went to Harvard, they must think I am a moron because I went to State U”, and in part they think that I believe because if they themselves had gone to Harvard they might feel that way…</p>
<p>The other reason I suspect is because there are people out there whose kids go to such schools who spend all their time bragging about it and in certain quarters there are Harvard grads who aren’t above dropping where they went to school quite obnoxiously, and the kids who go there know of this and are embarassed about it. </p>
<p>Some of it is pure assumptions, that because Harvard and other Ivy league schools are held out with this almost mania by so many people, that that is the only place to go, that there are assumptions made about the people in fact who go there. In some sense, I think those afraid to talk about where they went to school themselves put a lot of emphasis on it, internalized that, and thus assume that other people will care that much. </p>
<p>I work with very educated people,and to be honest I know very few who get all hyped up on where someone went to college and would not assume much by where someone went to college. Especially in the work world, it is what people do that impresses people. Sure, there are always people who make a big deal about where someone went, we had one hiring manager who would gush about ivy league students, who kept wanting to hire them even though no one else liked the candidate, but in the long run that kind of person ends up failing because the Ivy league produces dud as well as stars <em>shrug</em>.</p>
<p>“People who go to elite schools don’t have a uniquely awful time of it, and in any case I don’t think there are THAT many people who automatically dismiss you as an arrogant elitist because of the school you go to, assuming you haven’t already been acting like an arrogant elitist.”</p>
<p>Most people, when asking this question, are looking for a point of connection anyway. “Oh! You’re from (X city), my brother lives there!” or “How about those (insert professional sports team)?” I know I’ve asked this question in social settings, but it’s not REALLY about vetting the person – it’s just another version of a way to potentially start or continue a conversation chain. Look - either you come across smart in person, or you don’t. Either you come across as an arrogant elitist in person, or you don’t. </p>
<p>“The sports team from my area is superior to the sports team from your area!”</p>
<p>Chances are, unless you’re considering going to the same school, there is really no reason for me to talk about my school. Yeah, I went. Yeah, it was a good education. Yeah, everyone there was very intelligent. Yeah, it was very expensive. Was it worth it? I honestly don’t know.</p>
<p>It wouldn’t be a topic I’d ask immediately about, unless for some reason the conversation veered in that direction. How do I even know someone went to college at all? I don’t. Does it really matter? Nope. </p>
<p>I feel like you are damned if you do & damned if you don’t in terms of this topic. If I tell people that dd is attending Yale, then I’m bragging. If I just say she’s in college, then I’m pretentious. For the love of Pete! You just can’t win with some people. </p>
<p>Hmmm, that is nothing to do with what I meant. Getting a natural resource concession for pennies on the dollar, or taking a huge commission on a billion dollars for a task that is no harder than a million dollar sale, or skimming off endless commissions on buying and selling securities, is more the sorts of mountains I meant.</p>
<p>Anyone who knows about old money will be familiar with those Fairfield and Westchester County towns and their history of gentlemen’s agreements, discrimination, etc…“An Aryan from Darien.” </p>
<p>I never thought this was a big deal. I went to three of HYPMS and taught at one at the beginning of my career. Many in my professional and social circles went to great schools. So do their kids. </p>
<p>I can only think of a few extreme reactions. I was a nerd in HS and had a very few female friends. One who I always thought was very nice and reasonably bright in the summer before college made a sort of harsh toned comment about how I wouldn’t associate with people like her or something like that (i think she was going to attend Susquehanna). Maybe it was that unlike her, someone like me would never have to worry about something. I just remember being a bit surprised and a bit hurt by her comments. I also went to a wedding of a friend in grad school who had gone as an undergrad to a big southern state university where she was a member of a sorority. At the wedding she sort of assigned one of her sorority sisters to me (still a nerd but much less so). It was an exciting weekend but at the end she told me she slept with me because I went to said prestigious school. Since I had not assumed that the weekend was the start of a long term relationship, I was not deeply troubled. </p>
<p>"the wedding she sort of assigned one of her sorority sisters to me (still a nerd but much less so). It was an exciting weekend but at the end she told me she slept with me because I went to said prestigious school. " </p>
<p>Hey, we all have our bucket lists! I confess I never thought of “categorizing” men that way … Hmmm. </p>
</p>