<p>Some manners are regional. What is considered unnecessary chit chat may vary widely. My phone manners are a little different depending on whether I’m in the south, the NE or abroad.</p>
<p>I consider it rude when callers don’t identify themselves. My husband and children would think me rude if I handed them the phone without identifying the caller first and allowing them to decide whether to take the call.</p>
<p>Usually, we don’t answer the landline, just let it go to voicemail and then call back.</p>
<p>Interesting how different it can be. Could be a major source of misunderstanding. Do you identify yourself when you answer the phone? I don’t. Since i don’t, I don’t expect callers to identify themselves. I don’t think it’s my job to screen callers for my family members unless they ask me to. I might be impinging on their privacy, like when a boy calls my daughter?</p>
<p>I don’t identify myself when I answer the phone in my home. I would identify myself if I answered the phone in an office or business. In my mind, this is the same as someone unexpected, and perhaps uninvited, coming to my door. I don’t answer the door and identify myself to strangers. It is up to them to identify themselves and the reason for the visit. </p>
<p>I don’t identify myself when I answer the phone because it’s my phone and I didn’t place the call - I’m simply responding to someone else who, for whatever reason, called my home or office. I DO identify myself when I call someone else because I recognize that it’s someone else’s phone, home, office, life, etc. If I’d knocked at their door, I’d say “Hello, my name is … is Jane here?” I’d never not identify myself in person, and I’d never call a family member to the door for someone I didn’t know. Invite them in without knowing? Forget it.</p>
<p>Now, I agree that it’s rude to cross-examine anyone who calls my home or office - once I know who it is. I’d never dream of saying “why do you want to speak with her?” That’s Jane’s business, not mine. I’ve never asked “what do you want?” - I said in the OP that my SUBTEXT was “what do you want?” In my office, if I know who you are, I pretty much know why you’re calling. I suppose I could solve the problem at home by getting rid of the landline. I would never answer another person’s cell phone, and I wouldn’t give my cell phone number to anyone I didn’t want to speak to. But we’re hanging onto the landline because we don’t want every entity that requires a phone number to have our cell numbers. If people make business calls without identifying themselves first - well, they look unprofessional, but maybe that’s not important to them.</p>
<p>I think phone etiquette has changed a great deal, due to cells, caller id, and the younger generation. I do have a landline, but only for the fax and because my clients have had that number for 17 years. I’ve thought about importing it into a cell, but my landline gets far more spam/telemarketing calls, and then wouldn’t they go through to the cell? Mine is $35 month for basic and I’d ditch it in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>I consider caller id one of the best things ever invented, right up there with swingsets and shopvacs. My kids and renters are all under 30. They consider a phone call–making or receiving–an imposition. They will text and ask “is it ok if I call now?” I get a kick out of that!</p>
<p>I do answer, “Good morning. This is Susie.” If someone doesn’t ID themselves, H/I always ask before handing the phone to each other. My clients’ phone exchange had caller ID long before mine. Some of them would assume I knew who it was from the ID (which I didn’t have then). Then it was a fun guessing game trying to sound professional while I was figuring out who they were!</p>
<p>Just adding (because I knew how to edit posts a few days ago, but can’t figure it out now) that I found the rule above in a handy list of “25 Manners Every Child Should Know.” </p>
<p>When I ask for someone’s name, it’s because they neglected to give it to me. I don’t see this as screening calls - heaven forbid. To me, it’s like someone forgetting to say “thank you” if I hold the door for them or pass them the salt. I wouldn’t prompt them to say it unless they were one of my children (and then, oh boy, would I). But I’d make a point of saying “You’re welcome.” </p>
<p>It’s interesting to see the variety of responses here. Good to know that some people aren’t being rude in not identifying themselves. But I’m still going to ask who they are, and the next time a stranger gives me attitude about it, I’m going to give them a little attitude back.</p>
<p>Frazzled, we go by cotillions?! I don’t think I can ever do that. We have that around here. Usually, pretty snooty crowd get excited about it. To me, politeness is what comes naturally when you try to put other people at ease not any strict rule. People can ask “Is Jane there?” pleasantly, I wouldn’t notice it’s against the rule book. Or they can go by the rule book and go on and on with how are you’s but in the end they are trying to make you buy something. In that case, their politeness doesn’t do much for me. Don’t we have enough platitude already?</p>
<p>Jeez, Iglooo, I didn’t mean to uphold the Junior Cotillion folks as the arbiters of all that’s important. I couldn’t find the original source of the “25 Rules” and thought it was amusing that a Junior Cotillion League even existed. I actually found the same list of rules on many different parenting and school websites. Sorry that I don’t know who the original author is.</p>
<p>I have noticed that the people who “in the end are trying to make you buy something” rarely/never identify themselves by name before asking for ME by name. And I never said in my OP that I wanted people to go on and on with pleasantries. I want people to identify themselves when they call me - “This is FirstName LastName” is just four words.</p>
<p>Um, platitude? Don’t understand what you mean but if I’m coming across as preachy, that’s not my intention.</p>
<p>When someone calls whose # I dont recognize and they ask to speak either to me or DH, I usually ask "who may I say is calling? " or “who is calling please”. In the rare occasion I get the “who is this” when they call, I ask them who they were calling. Sometimes I ask what it is regarding so we can screen unwanted solicitations.</p>
<p>I am glad you don’t go by cotillions. To me, they are comic. </p>
<p>I do say this is so and so most of the time when I call, not to be polite necessarily but to buy time before jumping in. I am still taken back when they know it’s me calling with their caller ID. I am robbed of a few minutes to warm up to the real reason of the phone call.</p>
<p>I agree it’s changing. Unless you know you are calling Jane on a shared landline, you know it’s Jane at the other end of the line. Doesn’t it feel pretentious to ask, May I speak to Jane when you know you are talking to Jane?</p>
<p>I’ve always thought it polite enough for a personal phone call to simply say: May I please speak to Jane?
It’s no one’s business but Jane’s who I am and what I want! </p>
<p>My cell phone is my personal number. When I answer it I simply say “hello” as presumably it’s A) someone who knows me well enough to have my cell phone number and B) someone who knows who they are calling. A cell phone is personal. Our home phone gets answered with "“Blah blah residence.” when it’s actually not plugged into the fax and working as a phone. My work phone gets answered with “This is momofthreeboys”. If I answer the cell with “hello” and the person asks “who is this” I say “you called me, this is my personal phone line, who is this?” </p>
<p>But I don’t care what the caller wants. It doesn’t feel right, to me, that should answer the phone and then do an anonymous caller’s bidding. But I guess many people don’t mind doing just that. Me, I’m still going to ask for the caller’s name before I go looking for whomever they want to speak with.</p>
<p>I should have made clear in the OP that I’m not talking about cell phone calls, which often (though not always) provide the ID. As I said above, I’d never answer another person’s cell phone unless asked. So how about business calls? Do people think they shouldn’t have to identify themselves in that situation? I’ve never worked in an office where that would be considered good etiquette.</p>
<p>If Jane shares a landline with someone who insists on answering it, rather than letting it go to voicemail, is she obligated to take every call made to her? Isn’t it her business whether or not she chooses to talk to someone? I guess one way around this is:<br>
“Is Jane there?”
“She is unavailable. May I take a message?”</p>
<p>Are you kidding? Absolutely phone etiquette has changed completely over time With cell phones becoming part of one’s appendage, those not used to picking up a land line, need to be taught the rules because they simply may not know them and the ones they us with their own personal cell lines are completely different. And some who rarely use landlines anymore forget when they do answer the phone.</p>
<p>It’s a good thing to bring up,as we do have a land line, and though my kids have been told and do answer the line as told, I’ve seen others just say “Whasup?” as they are so conditioned to do this with their own cell phones. I do have a land line as it’s part of my package for cable and internet. It’s still useful for outgoing calls, but hardly anyone calls it any more. It’s kind of a sad transition. I found a parent contact sheet from some years ago when going through papers and realized the numbers are hardly useful anymore, and to contact any people from the past is not so easy, as cell phones are the way to go and getting those phone numbers is not always easy as they are not directory listed. In fact, I’ve found a number of businesses no longer list with Directory Assistance. A smart phone is nearly a necessity these days. </p>
<p>Cell is another matter, but it is not at all uncommon for there to be calls for either H or myself on our shared landline. Lately there have been a number of calls for H from doctor’s offices or the hosptial that usually begin with the person politely asking to speak to him but NOT identifying who they are. Obviously, they wish to maintain confidentiality. Normally they will give the message to me, including detail if necessary, when I say I am his wife.</p>
<p>I admit that I swing back and forth between indentifying myself first and simply saying “hello, may I speak to X,” but I do think it is preferable unless there is a good reason not to.</p>
<p>BTW, cell reception at our house is quite iffy. We have a grandfathered T-mobile at home phone that costs a flat $10/mo for unlimited calling anywhere in the US. Not likely that we will get rid of it anytime soon.</p>
<p>Frazzled, I learned phone etiquette the way you did but I cannot honestly say that I feel the need to identify myself every time I call a business before requesting the person I need. That often comes right after, “Sorry, she’s not available. May I take a message.” </p>
<p>Usually, when people on the phone blurt out. “Who’s this?” it’s because they were expecting someone else to answer. I think, “You called my personal phone. Who’s this?” is a little rude. But. this is all evolving and the rules are history.</p>
<p>Also, Caller ID is not unique to cellphones. My landline announces calls audibly. It’s actually very amusing.</p>