<p>Yesterday my daughter texted me and thanked me for breaking her habit of saying “like” all the time. I would call her on it, like, you know all the time. She would get frustrated with me, and herself, but she learned to drop it from her, like, speech habits. She actually started counting how many times this girl in her class said it. She wanted to bring it to the girls attention, but of course didn’t. But yeah!!! I got a mom you were right!!!</p>
<p>My kids listen to what I say because I have a long track record of success in several areas that they’ve witnessed. Things that they now know are difficult to do. They don’t always take my suggestions but they consider them.</p>
<p>My D2 is finishing her junior year in college and making plans for what will come after graduation. She had refused to think about this for a very long time, saying that she couldn’t make lifetime decisions, bla bla bla, and I told her that when the time came to do those things, she would be ready because even though her perception was that she was the same person who had graduated from high school, that wasn’t reality. I told her that the person who started college would bear very little resemblance to the person who graduated and that all the things she had learned and experienced would prepare her. She didn’t believe me and we battled a little bit over the years about considering options and doing research, but just yesterday she told me that she is thinking of this, this and this and has these plans and this interview and that I was right. She has, in fact, learned and experienced many things that she never anticipated and she is ready. </p>
<p>I think my little girl might be fully cooked.</p>
<p>They have, but not until they became fully functioning adults. My oldest bought his first home and told me “I’m sorry mom, you were right. I used to complain about you nagging us every time we left a room to turn off the lights. I thought to myself that when I finally had my own place I would do whatever I want. Now I watch tv in the dark to save on electricity.”</p>
<p>All the time.</p>
<p>But then I got a truly exceptional kid.</p>
<p>Yes, and when it happened I was totally shocked and thrilled; I remember those feelings, but I can’t remember what it was that I was thanked for!!! </p>
<p>More recently, S#2 frequently expresses his gratitude to us for graduating with no debt, unlike many of his recently graduated friends.</p>
<p>Numerous times since they went to college. Not so much before. :)</p>
<p>The one I recall is when our family was driving home from a visit to my husband’s sister and her family, and my D, then perhaps in middle school, said from the back seat, “I’m so glad that you guys are my parents and not them!” (not because my sister-in-law and her H are strict, which they don’t seem to be in particular, but because she and her husband live what my D considers narrow and confined lives, and my D feels bad for her cousin)</p>
<p>My Dd, who generally learns by making her own mistakes, thanks us all the time for our advice, and generally being there for her. Sometimes it’s “too late,” though. 
Younger son, who prides himself on having his act together and manages to go sail through life a bit more easily, isn’t as grateful- or should I say, doesn’t acknowledge our contributions as much. Yet.</p>
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<p>This is CC, where all of our children our “exceptional.” :)</p>
<p>My D thanked me for listening to Bob Marley in the car when she was a toddler and all the other moms were playing Raffi.</p>
<p>My middle kid was a perfect child until she was 16-18, when I wanted to go lay in traffic every time I spoke to her. If I said A, she said, B. If I told her the sky was blue, she wanted to argue. OMG, it’s no wonder we were in therapy! When she came home from college at the end of the year, she told me that a lot of my advice (and her stepdad’s) was right. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, you were right.” We have a good relationship now.</p>
<p>No, my three grown children (youngest is age 20) have not specifically said “you were right”.</p>
<p>However, two of the three have thanked us for the way they were parented. My oldest has a hobby I used to help him with all through his childhood. Now he does the same activity with his son. And when I helped them out last week, he explained to his son how this is something he did with me when he was little. He was choking up a bit when he said that. He has also thanked me for being a early purchaser of a computer. The computer was purchased when he was five years old. And there was no internet. He taught himself how to program, draw, and eventually do websites. He now makes a living in a job he loves–as a programmer–and he’s making a good living, and living the dream.</p>
<p>My twenty year old took some sort of “family relations” class in high school. She said she and another girl glommed on to each other, saying that they were so glad they had the parents they did. Apparently, many or most of her classmates said they hated their parents, or they didn’t speak to their parents, their parents had chemical/mental health issues or they didn’t live with their parents etc. Also, she had a couple of high school friends who were great kids–high academic achievers, no behavior problems, good athletes etc. Their parents drove them relentlessly to be even more perfect. ie much criticism, no praise. One of them told her and us that she wished her parents were like us. My daughter has thanked us for allowing her to do things–ie drive herself around the big city, and in general, learn to be competent and autonomous. She says many of her friends are limited because they never learned to to some of the (possibly) slightly risky activities.</p>
<p>My middle child, had many issues, and required a lot of parenting, limit setting, grounding, etc etc. My goals were for him were simple–for him to graduate from high school and not have a criminal record. He accomplished both, but barely. He’d be the one I’d appreciate a “you were right” from–but I’m not holding my breath.</p>
<p>Yes they have said a you were right. Their actions and reactions to things sort of stun me when I see them doing stuff that I have done. Trust me…there were tough times. My son has grounding until he turns 40. One daughter still maintains that when she turned 14 I became crazy bananas. </p>
<p>Last weekend was Mr. Ellebud’s birthday. I proposed a toast and they all joined in: each of them said WONDERFUL things about their father. Mr. Ellebud’s WASP control went up into tears. We finished the wine when they all proposed a toast to me.</p>
<p>Too many times. I wish it were the other way around. Sigh.</p>
<p>It happened one time that I can think of. One child e-mailed me (as a young adult) with the words <em>you were right</em> – wish I had printed it and saved it.</p>
<p>Yeah, my kids are pretty good. Just last week I was bemoaning a conversation with another parent, who seems to have problems just setting boundaries with her kid. Finally, she said she told her ds, “If YDS’s ds can spend the night, you can, too.” I told ds that it bugs me that I feel like she’s putting pressure on me and making me some kind of barometer, and he said, “Mom, she does that because she knows that you’re the better parent.” Awwww, thanks. 
</p>
<p>ETA: Ds did not spend the night. No idea what her ds did.</p>
<p>I rarely say “you were right” but I often call my parents up and thank them for raising me in x way or with y beliefs. Just did it the other day in fact when I had a very uncomfortable evening at someone’s parents’ house.</p>
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;)</p>
<p>My youngest child, who had a very difficult time growing up as she has sensory issues ( overwhelmed/ overstimulated easily- it was hard to keep clothes on her & I couldn’t even hold her when I nursed as a baby), not only has apologized for her differences -( which are of course not her fault & I wish we had insurance that would have covered therapy 
but apparently any physical/ occupational therapy for those on the " spectrum" was considered " educational") but she is so much like the idealized person I think of myself being, that I could have designed her! ( although I would not even have attempted to make myself so gorgeous:))</p>
<p>At 22- she is so contemplative & aware. One of the most compassionate people I have ever known. She still gets overwhelmed, but she is proactive about seeing what she needs & taking care of herself - most of the time. She is an amazing mentor to me, always sending me articles on how to take better care of myself. It is very touching.</p>
<p>She has a very strong sense of right & wrong, and her travels to developing countries have impressed upon her how important it is that we live on this planet like we don’t have another one to move to. Which of course is not how we have been acting.:(</p>
<p>Even though I was far from an idealized parent, I put everything into raising both of my kids. I drove them everywhere they needed to be & was a volunteer in the classroom & at both of their schools- sometimes everyday if needed. ( my oldest attended private school- which didn’t have transportation - although they did carpool- youngest attended public & for 3rd-8th there was a yellow bus, but I drove her anyway, because the noise level was overwhelming & by the time she arrived at school- she was a mess)</p>
<p>My youngest has thanked me for spending so much time & effort, standing in the rain during soccer practices etc. But it wasn’t really that bad & most of the time I brought our lab to keep me company & she loved it! </p>
<p>Her sister didn’t participate on sports teams, except for t-ball when she was little & track when she was a senior- both because I strongly encouraged her to do so. ( who am I kidding- I just told her that she was going to play t-ball) However, she had lots of outside activities too, that were her choice. Ballet, art camp, riding lessons, choir & theatre…- they just didn’t require me to stand in sideways wind & rain to cheer her on. Perhaps if I had, she wouldn’t feel like I was such a bad mother that she has refused to communicate with me in any way for the past three months- with no sign that she will ever relent.</p>
<p>She is equally as beautiful & intelligent, and as she was the first great grandchild, she had a different childhood than her sister. But Im afraid elite private schooling gave her an idealized view of what life could be like & she blames me for not providing it.
Sorry to get off topic - but combine peri menopause with having major surgery in a few weeks & I cry everyday because she has cut me out of her life. :(</p>
<p>I do wish I had told * my mom* that I appreciated her before she died. She was always telling me what a good mother I was & that just made me feel for some reason, that I wasn’t doing enough.
But I * was* a good mother.</p>
<p>My youngest sort of said it not long ago. She was talking about her roommate who was still working retail 18 mos out of college and grousing about it but not making any effort to find a job in her field. I said to my D, “What she needs is a pushier mother,” to which my D replied, “Yeah, I know, right.”</p>
<p>S1 has just started dating a new young lady. She told him how decent and nice he was. More grounded and mature than anyone she had dated. He said: “thank my mother, she raised me to be this way. I don’t know any differently, this is who I am”.</p>
<p>Brought a tear to my eye when he told me! And he thanked me for raising him well.</p>