<p>S1 was once charged with disturbing the peace along with two friends. Nothing major. He wanted to plead guilty, like his friends, but I insisted we hire an attorney. You don’t want that on your permanent record, I said. The attorney worked out a deal which required community service, during which the charge was held in abeyance and upon completion would be completely expunged from his record.</p>
<p>Forward a few years to the application for graduate school, which included a full scholarship. Application question, have you ever been found guilty of a felony or misdemeanor. Answer - No.</p>
<p>I got a text from my S- a junior in high school- while he was at his Business Professionals of America statewide leadership conference. It said “Thanks for making me learn good manners, we are having an etiquette dinner.” He proceeded to send me a picture of himself with his napkin tucked in his shirt collar! I sent a text back “That is NOT where the napkin goes!” and he said “I already ruined one tie this weekend and I’m not taking any more chances.” At least he knew which silverware to use and which beverage glass was his.</p>
<p>Well D hasn’t told me I was right but more importantly FINALLY went to the MD I found her 4 years late. She is very pleased with him and we are all hopeful he will be able to help her!</p>
<p>My son (a high school junior) was complaining about his girlfriend’s parents and how weird, mean, unreasonable and annoying they are. I asked him, isn’t that the same thing you say about us? He said, “No! you guys are totally normal!” Score!</p>
<p>Don’t know that she’s actually thanked us, but I know she’s seen other parents and relatives she’s grateful aren’t her parents! And I’ve also let her know that I appreciate her strengths, motivation, and work ethic and am grateful that she’s not stoner slacker however brilliant like a couple of kids who come to mind.</p>
<p>Recently we suggested that our Boston college son use his Partiot’s Day holiday to watch the marathon. It’s one time that I was delighted to hear that he ignored our suggestion.</p>
<p>From D so far has brought up the following since she’s left for college:</p>
<p>Thanks for making me keep a neater room…My room mate is a pig and it is not pretty
Thanks for teaching me how to budget - Ramen noodles are a ‘treat’ and not a necessity
Thanks for nagging me to speak that second language
Thanks for teaching me table manners (we get grossed out by a good portion of our contemporaries)
Thanks for teaching me how to live below my means as a way of life
Thanks for teaching me the benefits of delayed gratification
Thanks for teaching me how to cook using real food
Thanks for being such a boring couple (very little family drama)</p>
<p>Now…will see what S has to say in a few years.</p>
<p>I guess they have told us that they’re glad we’re not their aunts and uncles, as they don’t think they would have turned out the way they did if raised by any of them (even though we LIKE all of them). D has also said she’s glad we’re not like the parents of any of her friends, even tho she LIKES them, she is happier with us as her parents who will help her out when the situation arises but don’t hover TOO much.</p>
<p>Glad that your S chose not to view the Boston Marathon as well, though he may have chosen a different vantage point or not stuck around for all the many hours of it. When we decide to view the Honolulu Marathon, we generally only watch for a short while & then do something else we prefer that we can do without getting into a car (since the route of our marathon goes through so many of major roadways on our side of the island).</p>
<p>HImom - DS is not right in Boston, so he likely would have watched the race somewhere far from the bombing. Still it was just nice to learn he was safe and sound in the dorm when it was not clear what else might happen that day.</p>
<p>I get a text now and again from DS about this and oh how I enjoy the I told you so. But realistically, who among us did what we were told always? Moreover, who wants a kid that just toes the line all of the time? We raised them to question everything, it’s only natch that they buck our advice. We have an agenda. Our advice is therefore suspect.</p>
<p>I’ve heard from D1 how I was right to not permit her to wear certain articles of clothing when she was in middle school, that she was in fact too young to look so mature. She has also expressed that I was right to supervise her activities, and as she prepares to graduate college she shares being grateful that I have always supported her choices and have been open minded, she has acknowledged how many of her peers don’t have that, and she feels for them. S1 has been known to acknowledge, particularly after we’ve argued, that I knew what I was talking about all along. Still working on D2, but he seems to be moving in that direction…</p>
<p>One of my children was particularly challenging to raise. That child worked at a restaurant in high school and saw all manner of ill-behaved children on a regular basis. After that experience, she told me that she was glad that she was disciplined as a child so that she ‘wasn’t like those kids at the restaurant.’<br>
Score!</p>
<p>Both of my kids have thanked us for paying for college. Both have thanked us for sending them to schools that prepared them for college. Both have thanked us for being there for them when they needed us.</p>
<p>The other day, my son was discussing his friends’ propensity for commenting on a woman’s breast size whenever they bring up anything about her. When I explained the various methods I had employed throughout his youth that led to him having a different view of women than his friends have, he thanked me for that.</p>
<p>Haha, just got a “you were right” phone call.</p>
<p>I had lobbied hard for D to choose volleyball over field hockey in middle school, saying, “People are not likely to get a spontaneous field hockey game going as you get older, but they will play volleyball.” She’s a grad student far away and has become the desired player whenever anyone suggests a pickup volleyball game. She’s loving it. :)</p>
<p>My younger son said, “Thanks for sending me to diverse public schools with kids of all races, creeds and income levels. You cannot believe how naive and sheltered most of my college friends are!” Given that it was a decision we second guessed ourselves about a lot, it was really nice to hear.</p>
<p>Yes, our D has admitted that she on the one hand is sad she doesn’t have the closeness and connection of the kids who attended the private school she started in HS–some were there k-12. On the other hand, she says some of those kids are UNBELIEVABLY sheltered and she’s glad she’s not THAT sheltered. S quietly agrees.</p>
<p>Both are making their way in the world and we’re pleased.</p>