<p>I read all of this thread and am thinking that those who raised a child who can say “you were right” taught their children valuable lessons–that it is OK to be wrong, and that it is OK to reassess one’s opinions and actions and that it not a weakness to admit errors.</p>
<p>My mother believed that she was never wrong. No decision could be reversed. No opinion could be reassessed. Somehow, imperfection was intolerable in herself and her children. This was a horrible way to be parented.</p>
<p>When I was raising children, I made sure to talk about the mistakes and restarts I experienced, especially in my work life. I’m self employed, and have gone down a blind alley or two. I tried to make it known that trying and failing and trying again were a part of everyone’s lives. </p>
<p>When my children disagreed with me, I would listen to their side of the argument, and I would change my mind when convinced. I think they were more open to listening to me, because I paid them the respect of listening to them.</p>
<p>I think the willingness to accept one’s errors is a tremendously valuable trait. It is helpful in one’s personal and work experiences.</p>
<p>It seems the willingness to say “I was wrong” is in very short supply, whether it’s on a parent board, in real life, or in our public figures (both political and in entertainment and sports). </p>
<p>In addition to feeling great when my kids say “Mom, you were right,” I have had to feel the burn of admitting I was wrong. But it also actually feels good to say “I made a mistake and I’m sorry,” (or just simply admit I was factually wrong about something) and see the relief and grateful emotions in the eyes of the person to whom I’ve apologized.</p>
<p>For some reason, it’s easier to admit I’m wrong to my kids than it is to my DH. But I’m working on it. :o</p>
<p>If I had to reverse my opinion or my decision, I tried to do it quickly, and I tried to be honest about the fact that I maybe had made an emotional decision instead of a thoughtful one.</p>
<p>I didnt want them to take Spanish in school, but they have used it more in study abroad opportunities than they would have used French. ( they did both take Latin though)</p>
<p>I also always questioned them about who they were riding with & their preparation for emergencies. Even when this made them roll their eyes at me. I admit that their friends were very reponsible & are excellent drivers- but I HAD to go through the parenting spiel otherwise my liscense would be taken away!</p>
<p>Both of them, repeated many times too. We do not care about house chores. “tables manners”…etc, we do not do much at home ourselves and lack in manners also. I am referring to the life changing decision making, Not the ones that you firmly insist, no. I am talking about the ones that took few years to convince ever so gently that at the end they thought that decision was theirs. However, having adult children who have looked back to re-asses certain important stages in their lives, we got many “Thank you” for our inputs to the very important life changing decisions.</p>
<p>I am glad and grateful that at long last, I am finally getting more comfortable about criticism. It has been a journey. It has gotten more comfortable to accept and examine criticism over the years and was always one of the toughest things for me to learn. We do a great service to our kids and loved ones by being willing to admit when we’re wrong and have had to go to plan B, C, D, or X. It is a journey and so glad there are many to share the experience with us!</p>
<p>I had never accepted that I was wrong, because I have been ALWAYS RIGHT and everybody has accepted my stand because it has worked for them all!!!</p>
<p>Those words have not yet been spoken by a child of mine, but thanks to my maternal mind reading capabilities, I know for a fact that they’ve been thought by my oldest and my youngest. The kid in the middle is a different story, but even she might figure it out someday.</p>
<p>Well, be a bigger person and tell them they were right about one of the few times they were. :rolleyes: Seriously, it won’t kill you and it might make both you and them feel good.</p>
<p>Just last week, DS thanked us for putting a limit on the number of after school activities he was allowed to take on. He says he sees kids going from ballet to gymnastics, to instrument lessons, to art class, to blah blah…too many activities. He appreciates now why we just said NO to too many things (reality is I was not in the position to run taxi service!).</p>
<p>Well, not exactly. She’s 17, so I think our “you were right” years are still ahead of us. I have had a glimpse of what that may be like, though. Her chosen career path is one I also wanted at one point in my life. I never pursued it because I lacked confidence, guts and determination, things my D has in abundance. I contented myself with being an informal student of the theatre, an observer, and a fan. Many months ago, D suddenly said to me, “You actually do know what you’re talking about when it comes to the acting stuff.” Wow. I’m glowing all over just remembering that!</p>
Notice that most parents on here are saying that their kids didn’t start thanking them until after they finished high school, and that their kids didn’t really show much appreciation beforehand :p</p>
<p>I’ve never directly told my mom “thanks, you were right,” but I know that she’s always right. I don’t know how she does it. A few times I went with my opinion instead of hers, and then regretted it later when I found out I was wrong. Maybe I should let her know that I think she’s psychic :)</p>
<p>But really, she’s not “always right”(no one is) and she would probably be the first person to admit it. But you are smart to take her advice most of the time. ;)</p>
<p>Part of the reason parents are right so often is because when we were young we were wrong so often-so horribly, painfully wrong. :o</p>
<p>I think if my older son ever said that, I’d pass out from shock. I know he’s decided sometimes I was right, as he’s taken my advice and I’ve heard my words coming out of his mouth (rarely). But he would think, of course she knows that I thought she was right, so why would I have to tell her?</p>
<p>One time my D shared problems she was having with an ex. He wanted “closure” and felt that her responses to his questions about where it all went wrong lacked emotion and weren’t reflective of the girl he had come to love.</p>
<p>I said, “Okay, if I were you, I’d respond with something along these lines: blah blah blah, etc., blah blah.”</p>
<p>Later she sent me his response to her letter. He said “Finally! Some emotion and feeling in your letter! I don’t necessarily agree with your viewpoint, but it was beautifully, thoughtfully, and kindly put. THANK YOU.”</p>
<p>Then she forwarded me the letter she had written him. She had copied and pasted my “advice” and sent it to him with her name signed! I was mortified, yet at the same time, sheepish. </p>
<p>She was just glad to put the whole thing to bed. No need to tell me I was right…but…</p>
<p>All through HS, S kept asking why he needed to take four years of math to which we responded that he may need it. His answer? “I need all I know to balance a checkbook.” His math SAT score was high enough to fulfill the math requirement for college. Fast forward to post-graduation and well into his design career. He was doing motion graphics for special effects in commercials and doing interactive design on websites. One day he called home and said, “Thanks, Mom and Dad, for making me take math in high school and for making me take physics as well.” He needed to know how to calculate formulas for creating the special effects and applied vectors to motion graphics. Wow, did we feel good after that!!!</p>
<p>for me its usually not some big giant ephiany that mom was right, but smaller, but important moments, like thanks mom for playing rock stations in the car and yeah, you were right, we didn’t need video games</p>
<p>one of my favorites is them both thanking me for not having junk food in the house, not letting them have sodas all the time, and trying to get them to eat healthier</p>
<p>oh, and mom, you were right about not getting tatoos, ewwww, so glad we didn’t</p>
But she’s “righter” than me :)</p>