<p>Have kids in college?
Doesn’t it get hard for parents when ur kids are far away?</p>
<p>Yes and no.</p>
<p>Most of us miss our kids greatly when they are away at college, but having them become independent in this way is what we worked toward for almost two decades. </p>
<p>We want to maintain communication with you and know what’s going on in your lives because we love you and are interested in what’s happening to you, but we also want you to develop lives of your own.</p>
<p>We, too, eventually develop a greater degree of lives of our own when you go away. For some of us, it takes a while, and we may have a hard time at first with the “empty nest.” But I think that most of us eventually find things to fill the empty spaces you left behind in our lives – a greater commitment to our work, new hobbies, travel, new friends, or other things. </p>
<p>What’s hardest, at least for me, is when one of my kids at college is sick. I think that college is one of the worst environments in which to be ill. You have to walk everywhere – to the clinic, to the pharmacy, even to another building to get something to eat – something that a person at home who is sick doesn’t have to do. You have little or no privacy. Getting extra sleep may be impossible. And on top of all that, you probably have to deal with unfamiliar health care providers instead of doctors who have known you for years and, if you are sick enough that you have to miss classes, you have to deal with multiple professors rather than one boss, the way a working person would. I hate it when my kids have to cope with this situation, not because they’re incompetent (they’re not), but because it’s simply a rotten situation. I always wish I could help, but I really can’t.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s hard! I miss my son every day, and there is a giant hole in my life with him gone. </p>
<p>BUT, I am thrilled that he gets to pursue his dreams, have grand adventures, explore new opportunities, and make his mark on the world. I wouldn’t change that for anything.</p>
<p>And he remembers to come home and visit me once in a while! :)</p>
<p>It is spelled “your.”</p>
<p>You’re welcome!</p>
<p>It took me more than a year, but by the time my first kid had become a college sophomore, and come-and-gone many times for vacations, I began to notice something new: I was thinking more about how proud I was for his interesting accomplishments at college, than dwelling on how much I missed him at every turn here at home. One set of thoughts eclipsed the other. </p>
<p>As each kid moved out, we could pay a bit more attention to the next younger sibling, so that was nice and interesting, too. Each one got to be the oldest, for a while, at the dinner table. That was positive. </p>
<p>Why do you ask? It’s sweet that you ask.</p>
<p>It’s a double-edged sword; you miss them terribly, but you know when they’re settled and happy, you can pat yourself on the back for contributing to their success. Last August, each daughter needed to be at their respective schools a week apart. So they each left the house separately. They came home for the winter break together, and when they left together to go back in January, it was terribly emotional for me… watching the two drive off together. Then I remembered the older one will be graduating in May and will most likely be moving back to our area, probably in our home until she gets a job and on her feet. So now I’m trying to enjoy the empty nest before another egg cracks open in May. By the way, whatever possessed me to encourage my kids to apply to schools over 700 miles away from home? Note to self… check your sanity! (yea, I miss them)</p>
<p>I miss my D. We are best friends! When she struggles with school and friends and life, I want to run to her, but somehow she survives without me. (with a little help from our late night IM sessions) When she is home I am so happy, except for the mess she leaves in her wake!
But honestly, My heart aches every day if i don’t hear from her. it is hardest when her brothers are over (they both live nearby) and I feel we are a little incomplete without her. But she is soooo happy and that makes it work for me:)</p>
<p>Schoolgurl86, I think what WashDad is saying is that we welcome students who want to post in the Parents Forum because they want to get parents’ opinions on a topic, but that the custom here is to use Standard English instead of IM-style abbreviations. We do, however, have a few abbreviations of our own, as you may have noticed, such as D for daughter, S for son, H for husband, and W for wife.</p>
<p>Ok sorry didn’t know that I’ll make sure to speak properly thanks :)</p>
<p>What about sending money for clothes, books, grocer, etc?..How do you deal with that? Because I’m sure not everyone that lives away from home has a job sometimes their parents still provide them with everything.</p>
<p>How’s my grammar now? :)</p>
<p>Much better. :)</p>
<p>We give our D a fixed amount of money at the beginning of each semester for the things you mention. I deposit it electronically into her checking account, and she has a debit card which she can use at stores or to withdraw cash from an ATM. So far, she’s been very budget-conscious, and knows that if she does go over what we’ve allotted, it comes out of her own money that she’s earned at summer jobs. She also has a credit card (linked to ours) for use in an emergency.</p>
<p>We give our daughter a check at the beginning of each semester for personal items and books. She deposits it in her bank account and has a debit/ATM card that she uses to make purchases or withdrawals from that account. The bank that she uses does not have its own ATM network, but will refund all fees for up to ten ATM transactions per month. She also has a credit card with a fairly low credit limit, with the understanding that it is to be used for emergencies only. So far, she has been very responsible with her finances.</p>
<p>Our kids got expense money monthly, on the ‘date’ of their birthdays, direct transfers from our bank account to theirs. They used Visa debit cards for transactions or ATM withdrawals.
The monthly deposits worked better for our budget, especially when they were off campus and had monthly rent, utilities and food costs.
We usually pre-ordered books with our credit card for the frequent flyer miles.</p>
<p>Both of my kids (a senior and a freshman in college, respectively) have checking accounts with debit cards. My husband and I provide money for books, a small allowance, and transportation home for breaks. This goes into their accounts, either by us depositing the money or by us sending a check to the student by mail. (Ever so conveniently, both kids found banks that have branches in both the college community and our home town. But this is not essential.)</p>
<p>For my daughter, who lives on campus, we pay for her room and her meal plan (however, we required her to pay the difference out of her summer job money when she chose a more expensive single room rather than a less expensive double room). For my son, who lives off campus, we pay his rent, and we give him an amount of money for food equal to what we would have paid if he were still on the meal plan. We don’t expect them to pay for these things themselves.</p>
<p>My daughter, who goes to college far from home, also has a slush fund – extra money in her checking account for emergencies, which she knows not to use for other purposes. This way, if, for example, her charter bus home for Winter Break had been canceled because of snow, she could have paid for alternate transportation and even for a motel room if she was stuck in the college community after the dorms closed. I never did this with my son because he goes to college an hour from home and because he has plenty of extra money in his account anyway because he has had lots of jobs. But my daughter, who has worked much less, has less money of her own.</p>
<p>Every family handles money differently. It would be a good idea to discuss these issues with your parents. Also, even more important, it’s a good idea to discuss the general costs of college, and how much your parents can contribute, very early in your college planning. If your parents are not thinking about money yet, you may be able to get them started. Tell them to come here to the Parents Forum and read old threads. There’s lots of great information here.</p>
<p>Glad to hear that there are other parents like myself who pay for all the essentials but ONLY the essentials. Each semester, I pay the bills for tuition, room and board, and then write my kids a check for books and laundry. I also stock them up with fresh toiletries, socks, and undies and replace worn out jeans and t-shirts. Beyond that-- anything that qualifies as fun and leisure (like frat dues, pizza deliveries, concert tix) comes out of their pockets and has since they entered high school. Too harsh???</p>
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<p>It depends. </p>
<p>In the case of my daughter, who was in an IB program in high school, it would have been too harsh. We parents were warned before our kids signed up for IB that the program was so demanding that few kids could hold down paying jobs. So expecting my daughter to pay her own expenses of any sort at that time would have been unrealistic.</p>
<p>Your mileage may vary.</p>
<p>Harsh??? I think you are being exceedingly generous! I pay room, board and tuition. I expect kids to pay for books and laundry and toiletries and socks and undies and jeans and tshirts, etc! That’s what workstudy or oncampus jobs are for! (I do pay for cellphone since we are on a family plan…)</p>
<p>Aw shucks, anxious. Thanks. (I should mention, though, that the toiletries are minimal; I’ve got low maintenance sons.)</p>
<p>Well…worrywart being a student even replacing their worn out clothes is actually a very big help it cost a lot to buy new clothes all the time so im sure only paying for their fun and leisure is actually good u are not harsh at least i don’t think you are :)</p>
<p>I’m in anxiousmom’s camp. I do pay for prescriptions, airport transportation, and some other odd things that pop up. In that case, I deposit into her account directly from mine (we use the same hometown credit union). If she gets a check for some reason during school, she signs it over to me and sends it to me. I deposit it in her account. She uses a debit card attached to her checking account, and if she needs cash, she uses an ATM near campus that is connected with the credit union (no charge). She also has a credit card that is connected with her credit union account, in case she has an unusual cost … for example, if her car were to break down (knock wood). She has used this for books, because her grandparents are paying for her books this year (grad gift). She charges, mails receipt to grandparents, granparents mail me check, I put it in D’s account, and D uses that money to pay off the charge at end of month. All she has to do is go to the online banking site for the credit union & authorize the payment directly from her account. She does not use her credit card for routine expenses, though (that can lead to overspending).</p>
<p>As for missing her … we certainly do, but we are glad she is pursuing her dreams. With our cell phone plan, we can exchange text messages & pictures … we do it all the time! We find texting a great way to just fill each other in on little things, and pictures are a great way to feel like we are “there.” For example, D was disappointed when she had to miss the CD release concert for a young man she knows. I went, and I sent her a video clip of him singing. It made her night!</p>