Have we reached the end of social expectations for a written thank you note?
I genuinely need to know if I am beating a dead horse.
My kids (27 and 22) still do it to grandparents and for formal things like wedding gifts. Not for anyone else. Phone calls or emails, though – they do acknowledge gifts.
No, my kids write them without prompting and they are in their 20’s. At first it’s just something mandatory I made them do, now I never say anything and they do it for things I wouldn’t expect. It’s nice to see them do this and become part of their lives. I can’t think off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are things they have discarded.
I don’t think so. I have gotten 4 thank you notes from millennials this week. One for a bridal shower gift, one for a wedding gift, one for a graduation gift card, and one was - believe it or not - a thank you note for inviting her to a cookout we hosted at our house, a very casual party we hosted for our local running club. These were all people in that millennial generation - I think they were just brought up with the expectation that you write thank you notes. The one thanking us for the cookout was written by a young second grade teacher with exceedingly good penmanship. Made me smile.
I still get written thank you notes for graduation gifts, bridal shower gift, wedding gifts and baby gifts. For my great nieces and nephews birthday gifts I get email thank-you notes from the moms - which is fine with me. I also have told my extended family members note/email isn’t necessary when I get thank you in person - like at a first b’day party or Hanukkah party.
I do have one family member whose kids have never sent a thank you for anything. Most of the time they never even cashed the check. For the daughter’s first baby I got no acknowledge at all. I didn’t give anything for the second baby.
We get some - for big event gifts mostly. Not for casual gifts for nieces, nephews, godchildren, but for graduations, etc. We have failed to get them for graduation, wedding gifts too.
My nephew and his (now former) wife did something I thought was terribly tacky for their baby shower: they had thank you postcards laid out on the check-in table, and guests were to address them to themselves! I don’t remember if we were to write what we gave on it as well! I don’t know if they thought it was efficient, or what.
We have several weddings coming up this summer, so will have a chance to observe. From what I know of the brides and grooms, I think we will get written thank yous. Our daughter and her fiance will be nagged to death if they don’t send theirs promptly.
My S and FDIL ordered thank-you notes with their wedding invitations and have already started writing for gifts they received early on. Although I assume they would both rather write email thank-you notes, they are handwriting individualized notes for each gift, as they were both raised to do! I have received written thank you notes from the millennial children of my friends for all shower, engagement, wedding gifts we have sent them.
We receive hand-written thank-yous and my S17 just finished off his 80+ notes for scholarships, grad gifts and cards. We did get one note where the sender (also a 2017 HS grad) had typed, cut out and glued a message into the card. He had a broken collarbone and apologized in the message for not handwriting it, and the rest of the message was personal. Clearly these 18-year-olds (or, more likely, their parents) understand the regional expectations.
We received a few thank you notes this past month. One was from a dear friend for whom we hosted a surprise birthday party - she thanked each one of us in the family, made a mention of something we did or brought to the party - was very personal. Another was from my son’s friend who crashed at our house for a couple of nights - short but he did make it personal. We got two graduation party thank you notes - these are from kids we’ve known for their entire life. But the notes were just “thank you for coming to my party, thanks for my gift” kind of notes. No mention of the gift we got them or the thought we put into it, Made me feel like these were being written since the parents insisted on it 
I don’t really know if I need to get these kind of thank you notes!
I’d expect them for “events” like a graduation, shower (baby or wedding) or wedding gift, and can’t remember not getting one. Verbal thank you (phone or in person) is fine with me for everything else (birthday, invitation, etc.) although I have to admit I’d be impressed with a written note.
My 17 y.o. wrote thank you notes for the handful of graduation checks he received from grandparents and a couple of aunts. But he will likely call and thank those same people if/when they mail him a birthday check later this summer (or he will thank them in person if they hand it to him). My FIL actually prefers a call to a written note, which is weird because he’s hard of hearing (but he also doesn’t see too well :() plus he’s got a slew of grandsons, so we’re never sure if he knows which one is calling, anyway.
Agree with @AmicaMom that asking guests to address their own thank you note envelope is tacky. Brings out the curmudgeon in me every time! You (or the host) had my address to mail out the invitation, so use that same list/database/address book to address the thank you notes. Yet my mom isn’t bothered by it in the least (she figures that it at least ensures that she gets a written thank you).
Agree with expecting them for events like graduation, showers and weddings and have taught my kids to send them. If a party was thrown and a gift was given the kids send a note. For birthday gifts especially from grandparents when the kids were at school or even in HS, I think a call is appropriate and the giver is usually happy that the kids took the time out of their day to call.
My new daughter-in-law informed me that no one sends them anymore. She never even made a list of who gave what wedding gifts. She said the only person that was hoping for one was one of her grandmothers. I told her that most of the gifts were sent and people had no idea if they were received. I should have communicated with my son before the wedding, as he could have done them. I was so disappointed.
I believe formal occasions - weddings, showers, etc. - warrant written thank yous. I am OK with email or phone thank yous for most other occasions (and that is how I usually thank people.) I have gotten written thank you cards for the last few baby gifts I gave - which seemed appropriate for the occasion.
No. My adult offspring still write notes. We have some informal agreements in the family on when grown nieces and nephews quit getting birthday and Christmas gifts from aunts and uncles. My kids got an extra couple of years because my siblings enjoy their notes so much.
It depends. Some families since they were kids they were never taught to say thank you or write a note. In my family though all the kids are expected to write thank you notes.
To be honest, I think the whole thank you note thing died a long time ago, I remember people complaining when I was in my 20’s (back when the buffalo roamed:) that people my age didn’t write thank you notes, had no manners, so I am not sure I can tag it on the millenials,I have seen a lot of people who seem to lack common consideration over the years, so I wonder if that has changed all that much.
If it might be fading out, even MORE reason to do so, both in social and professional settings. It will be noticed, IMO, and set you apart. Not that you do it for that reason, but a definite fringe benefit.
My daughter had a birthday recently, and she texted thank yous for cards from family - and called a close aunt to thank her for a present (she also called me to thank me for her present). I think physical thank you cards are probably a thing of the past (although I wrote one recently, but I’m old).
@doschicos:
In professional environments, this is especially true, but the people most guilty of it are rarely taken to task, ie managers, especially upper level managers and executives. It is funny, time and again, management review articles are full of the power of saying ‘thank you’, that it can do a lot more to improve morale and productivity then almost anything else, and yet it is something most managers (one article had a humorous graph showing the # of thanks you’s generated as a function of level within a company, and with rising up the chain, it was a negative exponential curve).
It was definitely noticed and discussed in my place of employment. It wouldn’t get you the job alone, but it definitely came up in hiring discussions when comparing and contrasting applicants of similar quality.