<p>I know many people will speak of situations where they had wonderful marraiges in spite of having awful parents, in-laws or whoever that did not like their intended but this is trully a case where the people invited know this is not a good situation for the two people involved. There are several issues which are rather serious that one party may or may not know. If the party does know that person may not understand the depth of the situation. </p>
<p>My husband feels we should attend and be happy for this young couple even though he knows it is a sham. I tend to agree, although the idea of giving a large money gift of a for a BS wedding is really making me uncomfortable. I would love to see this couple happy but there are just way too many severe obstacles in the way besides the fact that they are still young. The parents themselves are not in favor of this wedding but they know their hands are tied.</p>
<p>Just wondering if any of you have been to a wedding where you felt bad vibes?</p>
<p>Unfortunately , yes .
My nephew married the wrong woman five years ago. They are not a good team. Also , they had seperated for a time , but then reconciled. No one in our family likes her…she is always complaining , very snappy and condescending towards my nephew. He is no angel to her either in all fairness
Sadly , they brought a baby into their lives and she is living in an unhappy home. It is stressful for everyone when they come for holidays.
I always felt that she was more in love with my sister’s home than her son
She’s pretty awful to her own parents as well…ashamed of them and embarrassed too
My other sister and our husbands jokingly thought about talking him out of the wedding the night before , but of course no one actually did :(</p>
<p>Went to one that the couple both wore the virginal white, but had been living together nearly 2 yrs. The bride(a cafeteria Christian) had to carefully place her bouquet to hide her pregnancy in photos. She didn’t realize holding bouquet so low is so uncommon that it draws attention to pregnancy because it is so uncommon.
Not exactly what Op is asking about, but certainly the ceremony itself was not handled well, imo.</p>
<p>absolutely, more than one. Their choice is theirs, and you can’t change it as much as you would like to. </p>
<p>As far as the gift goes, sometimes you do things to keep the peace and not make waves in your family/ friends circles. Alienating the bride or groom will not help any situation. And the rest of their family and friends probably need your support as well. </p>
<p>If the person/couple had done something to you personally, that may be a different situation.</p>
<p>^ lje …Yes, there are some people who would like to say something but I don’t think that will happen. With the divorce rate so high I would think many people have been to weddings like this. I can’t imagine the question being asked “if anyone here does not feel this marraige should take place please speak now” I think there will be alot of people feeling like they should just blurt it out.</p>
<p>Wearing “virginal white” would not bother me if the couple were happy and the child was going to be born to parents who loved him/her. I am sure there are more than a few brides walking down the isle who are not virgins but use birth control.</p>
<p>younghoss…do you really think that brides should not wear “virginal white” to their wedding if they have lived with their intended prior to marriage? Wow. That would apply to lots and lots and lots of brides. And even if they had not lived together, many many many others are also not “virginal” either on their wedding day. Should they not wear white either???</p>
<p>Yup. And the food at the wedding was neither good nor plentiful, on top of everything else. I never complained to my friend (the bride, now divorced) about that, but she knows that a group of us went out for Mexican food and margaritas after the reception. Anyway, with regard to the OP’s question, I am with her husband. Go, have a good time, wish the couple well, withhold judgment and give a reasonable but not extravagant gift. It’s possible everyone is wrong about this couple. Certainly, enough weddings that seemed to unite people who were “meant for each other” end in divorce. “God only knows,” quotes the atheist.</p>
<p>It’s not clear to me what you mean by a sham, or whether you think they are just a bad fit. They may have different ideas about what a marriage is, or they may not. I certainly don’t think that a bride needs to be a virgin to wear white as younghoss apparently does, and I think it’s much better for the child to have a set of married parents than not. I know couples whose marriages were arranged by parents who learned to love each other after they got married not before. Were those marriages a sham? They were committed to making it work. </p>
<p>As for whether you go or not. That’s up to you. If you wish them the best and would enjoy it you go. You give them the present you can afford.</p>
<p>Mathmom, I think everyone who attends a wedding today wishes nothing but the best for a young couple starting out. I really would be happy for this couple but there is information that one party in the wedding may or may not know and they may not know the extent of it. No one could be certain if it would be a deal breaker but most people would probably agree that it would be. </p>
<p>We plan on attending and we will wear our most gracious and happy faces but I know if those words about "if you know such and such reason for this couple … I think there are going to be alot of eyes moving around that church.</p>
<p>Guessing a cafeteria Christian is on-par with a cafeteria Catholic–those who pick and chose the tenets they wish to follow. I’ve heard the phrase often for Catholics, but not before as “cafeteria Christian”.</p>
<p>If only virgins could wear white when walking down the aisle, every bridal shop in the world would be out of business! Come on, now, do people seriously believe this?! Good grief. It wasn’t true 38 years ago when I got married and it certainly isn’t true today.</p>
<p>First- my choice of saying virginal white about this couples’ attire was based on what I know-firsthand of this couple. It would be inappropriate of me to tell all I know. Any one that applies what I said about this couple as referring to all couples is not properly discussing what I wrote. My post told of one couple, at one particular wedding I attended. wow.</p>
<p>Yes, a cafeteria Christian would be one that espouses the religion yet picks and chooses what rules they follow. I chose not to specify her demonination.</p>
<p>Yes. In one instance, my feelings about the relationship were so clear that my friend (rightly) did not invite me to her wedding. I could not have been happy about the union, and would have sent regrets if I had been invited. She’s now happily married to someone else, and we are friends.</p>
<p>In other instances, I kept my mouth shut and sucked it up.</p>
<p>I am guessing, Slithey, your post 16 is in response to my post 3, where I discuss one particular wedding I attended where the bride and groom wore white.
Did you read my post 14, or perhaps cross-posted?</p>
<p>I am well-aware in America, white is the traditional color for a first-time bride. I have given no opinion on what I think “all brides” should do. I will not speak ill of this couple beyond the briefest general statement I have made. Knowing them, I know they would not be described as a traditional couple.</p>
<p>With such a high % of weddings ending in divorce, it seems tough to KNOW which ones will last in any case. I have never felt it my role to disclose anything to a hopeful bride or groom as I would think it was their business to disclose all that was needed to one another. Our island is very much a “small town” in many ways and things have a way of getting around.</p>
<p>Some of the most “rock solid” marriages end in divorce as do some of the “shaky” ones. I am not particularly good at predicting but so far have not attended any weddings that ended in divorce (knock on wood), though I have several friends who are divorced (was not invited to their weddings).</p>
<p>I would only give a gift I am comfortable with giving (no need for a lavish one if I didn’t feel like it). IF I didn’t feel comfortable about the wedding (or any other event), I would consider sending my regrets, with or without a modest gift.</p>
<p>younghoss, wait, what? I suspect many mothers here wore white wedding dresses, even though we didn’t qualify according to your rules. </p>
<p>We know a young couple who is planning a wedding. In fact, my son is to be the best man. Though we worry about whether the marriage will be a success, given that they are both so young and, perhaps, not as well suited as they might be, they are getting married. So we will put aside our doubts and rejoice for them on their happy day. </p>
<p>I think it falls under the same category as learning of someone’s unexpected pregnancy in a difficult situation. You might think it would be better if the woman hadn’t gotten pregnant, but that baby is going to be born, and now it’s our job to rejoice in the arrival of this little person.</p>
<p>Op, is this a relative or friend? You speak of serious situation that appears that lots of people are aware of, but yet not the couple. Is there not a loving way to bring up the subject to the couple? I’m just wondering if this is a situation where the serious issues have been raised and the couple chooses to move on anyway or if the couple has no idea of the serious issues.</p>