<p>I was out last week and just heard that one of the partners at my small firm committed suicide. I did not know him well (have not been there long and he was not very friendly) so have no idea what led up to this. The other people will have known him much longer of course so, as shaken as I am by the news, it must really be shocking for them. I don’t want to offend them but I guess my problem is I have kind of mixed feelings but mostly I feel more anger at him than sympathy because of his children. Most of my sadness is for those teen/tween children a9who were often at the office and seemed very close to Dad) and now have to live with this. </p>
<p>I’m kind of venting here, trying to get my head around this before I go to work tomorrow so I don’t say the wrong thing.</p>
<p>I’ve known (personally) six people who’ve killed themselves. Four of them are young men I knew in high school; one in college; and one co-worker, just a few years ago. It is horrible for those left behind. </p>
<p>The “wrong” thing to say is anything that implies it was a choice, IMHO. It’s as horrible a tragedy as cancer.</p>
<p>I will not speak to every person who commits suicide, but with regard to these two, a staggering selfishness was the hallmark of their personalities.</p>
<p>I knew a girl in college who went home over winter break, got into her bathtub, and slit her wrists. I didn’t know her that well; she was a friend of a friend and we used to eat meals together at the dorm. She had seemed as happy as anyone else I knew, but obviously that was not the case.</p>
<p>I’ve known a handful of people whose close relative has committed suicide, but I didn’t know them.</p>
<p>I have a relative who is committing suicide slowly with alcohol/drugs. :(</p>
<p>I have known several people who have attempted suicide, and several who have succeeded, one of whom was my best friend and best man at my wedding.</p>
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That is common. Whatever the reason is, it is probably NOT something that would have led you to do it, and that will keep it a mystery. You might hear a reason (if they left a note, for example) but it will probably never make sense.</p>
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I understand that, but consider this - whether you saw it or understand it, he was apparently in enough pain that killing himself seemed the right solution. I have never seen a suicide where people were not angry at the deceased, but this was an act of desperation by someone who was not (by conventional standards) in his “right mind”. He may well have honestly thought that he was doing the best he could for his children.</p>
<p>Also bear in mind that the circumstances of his death may show some measure of the depth of his problem. The combination of a terrible day, drugs or alcohol, a convenient and “pain-free” method of suicide (read: gun) can catch some people. Something more premeditated is a different issue entirely.</p>
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Good. They are going to be the most affected by this, and will need all the help anyone can give. Just do not make the mistake of committing any more than you can sustain - they do not need people making promises now that do not get fulfilled.</p>
<p>First was a college friend and we are still not entirely sure it was suicide, but we believe that it was. He was not accepted by family for the person he was and he carried a lot of pain about that for many years. </p>
<p>Second was my hairdresser. She had cancer and felt she was terminally ill from what I have been told, but do not know all of details. </p>
<p>Third was a friend of my son. He was fired from his first job and within days of this he committed suicide.</p>
<p>I had a co-worker that committed suicide. I worked with him many years ago but it was just something where I needed things that were minor once or twice a year. He was single and killed himself in a way where his friends wouldn’t have to see it. I also worked with a very close friend of his and she provided details as to what happened. He had been suffering from depression for a long time and couldn’t deal with it anymore. There were no outward signs to me or others that I spoke to that worked with him. He was productive, usually had a smile for others, fit and seemingly happy.</p>
<p>I had another friend that I was worried about so I spent more time keeping an eye on him and chatting through two difficult events in his life. Things in his life improved dramatically and he seems like his life is in good shape today. He had talked about suicide to me though.</p>
<p>I forgot about another co-worker that committed suicide - a long time ago. We worked closely together for a few years and the guy was absolutely brilliant. He had a terminal and painful illness and he chose to end his life before the illness did.</p>
I have seen this as well, but it is not universal. My best man was a staggeringly selfless man, his funeral attended by hundreds of people (literally) who spoke only of how giving he was and of how he never asked anything or seemed anything but happy. The only thing negative that people had to share was the anger at his loss.</p>
<p>My cousin’s husband (and his brother as well).</p>
<p>The two brothers had a business together, they both got involved with drugs. The brother first committed suicide. Cousin had her H go to rehab for both drugs and a personality disorder (I think NPD/BPD). During the whole time in rehab, he kept “patting himself on the back” claiming that he wasn’t as bad off as the other patients (I guess he felt this way because he had a good income, while the others weren’t functioning). After he came home, he went back to drug and alcohol use. They divorced. About 6 months later, he hung himself in the closet, same way his brother died.</p>
<p>The “staggering selfishness” may be linked to the PD the person has. A number of people with PDs commit suicide. Those who are NPD and/or BPD are notoriously self-absorbed and have little to no real empathy.</p>
<p>Yup. One of my best friends from HS. He’d had a really lousy childhood (mom died at 4 and had a series of less than stellar stepmoms) plus had 2 really awful romantic breakups (including a broken engagement that happened via letter after he’d been deployed in the Army after college graduation.) His friends realized that he’d been drawn to “dangerous” occupations (military with focus on pursuing the riskier paths; post-military law enforcement in the dicier areas of Florida) and we believe he felt it would be best if he died in duty. But he didn’t, finally got married and about 2 years later, he shot himself. While we were all very sad, I don’t know if there were many who were surprised. He’d been going through therapy & was treated for depression, but felt he was broken beyond repair.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, I am so sorry about your sister.</p>
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<p>This is the scariest thing to me. I’ve had bouts of postpartum depression before but never to the point where suicide occured to me.</p>
<p>But during this pregnancy I’ve had times of feeling that I was being sucked down into a vortex of gloom and the thought crossed my mind, “I wonder what would happen if I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills?”.</p>
<p>I have zero desire to die and can not fathom putting my children through that. But I can see how some people end up in such mental pain that it ceases to be a decision and becomes a spur of the moment act of desparation.</p>
<p>I’ve gained a whole new empathy for that sort of suicide victim. On the other hand, I was aghast at the young-ish European twin men who scheduled their death-by-doctor because they were going blind.</p>
<p>For some people, it’s biological - some brain chemistry thing. My understanding is that the people that don’t have the biological depression have a hard time comprehending what those that do have it feel like.</p>
<p>I lost my son to suicide over 18 months ago. Recently, a former student of mine committed suicide at age 13. As others have said above, each situation is different. My suggestion would be to express your sorrow and DO SOMETHING. Don’t say please let me know what I can do for you. Maybe you can write a letter sharing memories of the deceased, donate to a charity that meant a lot to them, mow their lawn, bring them dinner, send a note in the future letting them know you are thinking of them, remember anniversaries, spend some time with them… you get my drift. They will probably be over whelmed at first, so be there for them down the road.
I agree, the survivors of suicide (those left behind) are the ones who bear the brunt of the misery.</p>
<p>Everyone grieves differently. I am a big fan of counseling. My husband would never go to counseling. That doesn’t mean one way is right and one is wrong. Each person needs to take care of themselves in whatever way they can. I hope the young children get whatever support they need.</p>
<p>The man who was my boss for 12 years and a wonderful mentor committed suicide. He had retired 15 years earlier and had a wonderful life. He was in constant pain from a back ailment and had just been diagnosed with some sort of prostate ailment; I’m not clear on the details.</p>
<p>He chose to end his life with a gun rather than continue to live with a lot of pain. He had discussed this throughout his life as a possibility. He left his wife a note that said in part: “Please forgive me. I’ve had a wonderful life.” </p>
<p>It makes me terribly sad and, yes, angry, that he deprived his wife of his company, and his four grandchildren (ages one to four) of knowing him. His wife told me she is not angry.</p>
<p>My ex-best friend attempted it multiple times.</p>
<p>An old friend from high school committed suicide a few years ago. I hadn’t seen him since high school.</p>
<p>My one friend from junior high/high school’s dad committed suicide when I was in junior high. I haven’t seen that friend in years however I see his sister from time to time. She has three kids now and it’s really sad that he never got to meet them.</p>
<p>I also have had over a dozen friends pass away due to other issues over the years. One of my good childhood friends passed away in 8th grade. I see his mom at church sometimes and I always give her a nod with a smile. I never know if that’s enough - should I be going over to her and giving her a hug? Say something? I always thought that acknowledging her with the nod and smile would make her realize that I remember her son and all of the fun moments we had together.</p>
<p>Three people, a high school acquaintance who also went to my college, a good friend of my husband’s, and very recently, the daughter of a friend. </p>
<p>When the girl at my college did it, I couldn’t understand it. She had a great life, supportive family, nice boyfriend, had just finished a summer internship that had gone very well. But she had struggled with depression for years. I don’t think she could feel the happiness others might have; I think all she felt was dread at the thought of several decades ahead of her feeling the pain and anquish she couldn’t escape. </p>
<p>When my husband’s friend died, it was a total shock. No warning. Many people have conjectured about why it happened, but no one will ever really know. </p>
<p>When my friend’s daughter died recently, it was after years of struggle with deep, deep depression. She had many good things in her life, but every day was a struggle of pain. One thing she did was leave a note that told her family how much she loved them and that it wasn’t their fault - that, in fact, their efforts kept her alive longer than she would have been otherwise.</p>
<p>I’ve had episodes of clinical depression. Nowhere near what I imagine those who commit suicide feel. But it was let me glimpse what they go through. Yes, some are selfish. But many others struggle for years before they give up.</p>