<p>^ :)!</p>
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<p>It can get pretty complicated. Many women get upset and hurt at the mistaken notion that their husband needs a pill in order to desire them. This is not fact-based thinking. Medication doesn’t increase desire; those medications are not aphrodisiacs. A man who is not attracted to his wife is not going to find her attractive with some Viagra and a man who loves his wife and desires her doesn’t need a pill to desire her more – he needs it to help him follow through on that desire. However, these are sensitive matters and people’s egos are on the line – a woman’s if she thinks her husband needs help to find her desirable and a man’s when he finds he needs help to do something he may believe all men should be able to do naturally. Combine two hurt partners who may not be comfortable having frank discussions about sex and who may not be as educated as the posters on CC, and a lot of hurt and misunderstanding can result. It’s usually best for both partners to go to a physician together and get actual facts instead of relying on misinformation. Remember that often men are going through this at the same time that women are going through menopause and dealing with their own feelings about lost youth and a changing physiology. Women are often feeling pretty fragile themselves when these problems arise and sometimes they are even having some symptoms of their own that can impact how they experience sex.</p>
<p>I would not agree that there is a total lack of intimacy if a couple can’t discuss these things. Some couples have had fulfilling intimate relations for decades without ever having to discuss it much and they can be completely blindsided by something like this and they may not know how to talk about it, or they have one difficult conversation and one person shuts down. Also, intimacy is a big word and it encompasses a lot. Maybe a couple is deeply intimate in other ways – spiritually or with a deep bond over many things – but they are struggling in this area.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s about a pill-as you point out it could be a similar hormone problem to what women face during menopause. It could be depression. It could be any number of things that don’t require Viagra.</p>
<p>Hopefully women also get medical help if they need it.</p>
<p>But I do believe the marriage is not working if both are not satisfied with their sexual relationship and I believe people who have achieved true intimacy in a relationship can discuss anything.</p>
<p>Most of all I believe NSM deserves for her husband to get to the root of the problem and involve her in making that happen.</p>
<p>Any update, NSM??</p>
<p>He has been back for a few days, and we are getting along better mainly because of insights that I became aware of as a result of this thread. I feel better about the relationship and him. I remain grateful to all who shared their experiences and made suggestions to me.</p>
<p>Very nice to read.</p>
<p>What did you wear to the airport, NSM? Lots of cute suggestions here. Glad things are going better. Can he tell the difference?</p>
<p>So happy to hear things are improving. Thank you for sharing this journey, there is a lot of insight on this thread.</p>
<p>I didn’t wear anything special. I was wiped out due to “hell week,” the demanding rehearsal week that occurs when a production opens. Also, the night before, our dining room had flooded due to a very heavy rainstorm.</p>
<p>But what was important was that I was happy to see him. and I was genuinely interested in details of his trip. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time.</p>
<p>lol - Tech week/hell week - same thing.</p>
<p>I’m glad that you were happy to see him and hear about the trip. It’s a beginning!</p>
<p>SO glad you were truly happy to see your husband. As you are now more invested and interested in him, he can’t help but respond. So man could resist our wonderful NSM, one of best posters here on CC!!!</p>
<p>And despite his having jetlag, he came to opening night that was the evening of the day he came home, and he gave me flowers after I performed. I also think he led the applause when I went off stage after my big scene.</p>
<p>Your dining room flooded? How awful! And while you were in Tech Week? Is everything okay now?</p>
<p>Fortunately, my dining room has a slate floor, and S and I were able to move the wooden furniture in time. But it was a harrowing evening, and a bad dress rehearsal. Fortunately, opening night was wonderful.</p>
<p>NSM~ how lovely that your h brought you flowers and was so “present” for you, even while being jetlagged himself…</p>
<p>NSM, I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling happier and everything works out so far 
Did Mother Nature try to set the stage up for a romantic dinner out by flooding your kitchen? ;)</p>
<p>I just got an email from a friend whose H just told her, after about 25 yrs of marriage (older child just earned a masters, younger child still in college) that he wants out. Totally caught her by surprise. They are trying couples therapy but she isn’t convinced he really wants to make it work. I feel sooo badly for her.</p>
<p>^In addition to therapy, see if your friend can convince her H to make an appt with a medical specialist for a comprehensive hormonal evaluation. Here are eight informative chapters from the book “The Testosterone Revolution” by Dr. Malcolm Carruthers, MD, President of The Society for the Study of Androgen Deficiency and one of the world’s leading experts on male menopause, or ‘andropause.’ </p>
<p>[The</a> Andropause Society Home](<a href=“http://www.andropause.org.uk/TR/TR.htm]The”>http://www.andropause.org.uk/TR/TR.htm)</p>
<p>Gosh, that all sounds so promising! I am soooo happy for you both.</p>
<p>In the weeks since this was first posted, dh and I have been so much happier. It just took one person (in this case, me; he knows nothing about this thread) to just mentally say. “I’m going to be nicer. I’m going to not be so sensitive and let go of the baggage.” to get positive reinforcement that has made keeping up the positive attitude much better. I feel like such a team now instead of individuals doing assigned tasks. Now that we were so miserable before, but at times it did get unpleasant. Not so much now. So, thank you, NSM!</p>