<p>It’s not like Vandy is a bad option-- if it’s financially reasonable, and close to home, what’s the problem? You will be too busy to go home, and it will be too hard to coordinate your schedules for them to drop in on you! So you will see them parents weekend, Thanksgiving, Xmas, and Spring break-- like any other college kid, right???</p>
<p>The schools you indicated you got into :
Carnegie Mellon (H&SS)
Claremont McKenna
Emory
NYU (Gallatin)
USC
Vanderbilt
Wellesley </p>
<p>Are all pretty accessible by plane. Is there another issue that your parents are concerned about?</p>
<p>I do not want to go to Vandy for several personal reasons I don’t want to discuss here. But like I said, I was willing to go to a virtually free school too, and my parents (or at least my mom) are shutting it down based on location too.</p>
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<p>I think there are several:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>They are NOT accessible by driving.</p></li>
<li><p>They aren’t ranked as high as Vandy on the USW&NR (yes, I’m serious)</p></li>
<li><p>They didn’t give as much aid as Vandy, although they all gave us much more aid than you would expect from our income bracket and the fact that we just bought a second house.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Both my s’s have had health problems, but only one required us (my DH went) to help get things settled (broken leg with complications). Currently younger s is on crutches but he’s handled it himself.</p>
<p>Chaos- all of your acceptances are prestigious. Obviously, i can’t comment on the finances- so perhaps your parents have reasons for wanting you to take the biggest package/lowest EFC that they haven’t shared with you (potential job loss?)</p>
<p>But I think you can construct a very solid argument about how prestigious your new school is (whichever one is your preferred.) I think it will be easy to find lists of successful alums from whichever of these you choose.</p>
<p>If your parents NEEDED to visit you they would find a way.</p>
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<p>ALL of these schools are well known schools. Did you get accepted someplace else that is virutually “unknown”. ANY school on this list is a known school.</p>
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<p>I am very certain that my parents can pay the full cost of whatever top school just fine, just like they are doing so with their new house. I am NOT saying I am entitled to their money though - they worked hard for it and can do whatever they want. I am just saying that I feel that they sound pretty entitled to the amount of FA they should recieve, evne though everyone else in their real income bracket is receiving $0. If I felt like going to one of the schools I got into would be a real financial burden to them, I would immediately cross it off the list. However, finances really aren’t the issue here, seeing as they are still willing to pay a large sum for Vandy but refuse to let me go to a college for almost free.</p>
<p>I understand I might sound whiny right now. However, I just feel like after a lifetime of having to deal with Asian expectations, I would be able to end up with something better.</p>
<p>Oh yeah, another reason my mom doesn’t want me to go to my cheap school is that I won’t be able to find a suitable boyfriend there. Yeah…</p>
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<p>My parents have never heard of CMC (where I really want to go) and I don’t blame them. However, my mom wasn’t convinced at all by the presentation they gave there when we visited, and I am not sure what can convince them, seeing that none of the people in their circle of friends (or pretty much the entire state of Tennessee) knows what it is.</p>
<p>There’s a difference between NEEDS and WANTS.</p>
<p>The parents are hardly ever ‘needed’ to be there in an emergency. If there’s a medical emergency then you’ll be taken care of by medical staff. If it’s a very serious medical emergency, which is unlikely but of course possible, then your parents will be able to get there even if it’s on the other side of the country.</p>
<p>In the example you cited about the student unhappy at her school so her parents felt they ‘needed to be there’ it’s not even a medical emergency and the parents weren’t really needed there - they just wanted to be there. they could have used a video call (Skype, Live messenger, etc.) or just a phone call.</p>
<p>Sometimes parents at this point have a hard time breaking from taking complete care of you, including anything medical as well as various decisions, to you taking care of yourself with occasional assistance/guidance from the parent *when requested<a href=“outside%20of%20a%20life%20threatening%20medical%20emergency”>/i</a>. There are a number of other CC threads from both students and parents on this topic. Parents have to learn to give the students the tools and guidance they need up front so the student can handle things themselves - things like medical cards, where the accepted by the plan ER and urgent care facilities are and how to get there, knowing what they’re allergic to, and any other details they need.</p>
<p>Edit - after reading your other posts this doesn’t sound like it’s about the emergency visits at all - it’s about your parents exercising some level of control over you, a false sense of ‘prestige’ in the rankings that they’re taking some vicarious pleasure in, their own feelings about the campuses even though it’s you who’ll be attending and not them (re your mom feeling ‘unwelcomed’ on campus) and perhaps doing some manipulations of the finAid.</p>
<p>I figured you were referring to CMC. Of course most of us on CC have heard of it, and its a fine school. So the issue isnt the distance, its the window sticker for their car. They want it to be one others have heard of?</p>
<p>What school, besides Vandy, is “free”?</p>
<p>Chaos: A year ago my S would have felt the same way as you. I think, we as parents, have some insight that you may not have at this moment. </p>
<p>When we dropped off S to college (he is a plane flight away) he was so happy. He couldn’t wait for us to leave the campus so he could start his new life in college. Keep in mind that S has always been a great kid and we are all very close. But nevertheless he was dying to begin school, be independent, and leave the nest. Initially, he didn’t even want to come home for Thanksgiving. He kept telling us to save our money and not to bother purchasing airfare. Well thankfully, we knew better and purchased refundable tickets because he was super excited to come home for Thanksgiving. Don’t get me wrong he loves college, but it was nice coming home and being pampered. In addition, his school has parent weekend in February. Again, that was another plane ticket he told us to save. Truthfully, since we aren’t rolling in the dough, the plane tickets are painful to pay for, but by the time February rolled around, again he was excited that H was going to visit. As a matter of fact, he was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t able to fly there too. So all those ideas of independence, freedom, and saving on plane fare went right out the door. I think your parents are wise to consider this financial burden. And btw I know of several people who had to visit their kids for reasons such as medical, mental health etc. Even though college is fun and exciting its also a time when kids can incur a significant amount of stress and now for the first time there’s no one around to hug them, make them their favorite meal, no familiar support system. Its hard. hence this is when parents will want to know that they can fly out if they have to and lend a shoulder to lean on. You’re parents are wise to think ahead…Its definitely something to consider.</p>
<p>Dungareedoll, I am so great that your son has such a great relationship with you. However, I feel like my relationship with my parents is very different. Personally, I don’t think they’ve provided me with that much support at all. Maybe you might not believe me, but I really think we come from two different families.</p>
<p>Anyways, the other school I am considering attending is a larger public university. It is a last minute decision, but I think it would better for me to attend there rather than go to Vanderbilt.</p>
<p>Chaosakita-
If you’re choosing from among the schools on jym626’s list rest assured that they’re all excellent schools with national reputations. My guess is that your parents are resisting Claremont McKenna. If so, show them this:</p>
<p>[Claremont</a> McKenna College | Best College | US News](<a href=“http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/claremont-mckenna-college-1170]Claremont”>http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/claremont-mckenna-college-1170)</p>
<p>I’m not a big fan of the US News rankings, but it sounds like you could use some ammunition. You could tell them that the equivalent rank (#9) on the university list is a tie between Stanford, MIT, U Chicago, CIT and Penn. </p>
<p>If it’s Harvey Mudd send them here to look at the reputation section:
[Harvey</a> Mudd College - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Mudd_College]Harvey”>Harvey Mudd College - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>and tell them that 1/3 of Harvey Mudd students are National Merit Scholars and HMC has the highest rate of science and engineering Ph.D. production among all undergraduate colleges and second highest (Caltech ranks first and MIT third) compared to all universities and colleges.</p>
<p>If Wellesley, tell them it’s a “Seven Sister” school, one of the original sister schools to the Ivy Leagues. In other words, the place where the equally bright sisters of boys going to Harvard were educated, and still a place that enjoys an outstanding reputation.</p>
<p>If it’s none of these, let us know which school you’d prefer and all of us proponents of fit will go to work!</p>
<p>I’m normally in the camp, “the kid’s an adult, cut the strings, mom” - but I must relate this. A relative sent her D off to a school last year four or five hours away. A couple months into the first semester, mom sensed something was wrong, so decided to drive up for a visit. She discovered D, already a petite, had lost 20 pounds and was pale white. She immediately had her checked out, the diagnosis was anorexia, advanced to a stage where immediate hospitalization was recommended. Would mom have flown across the country as readily to check out a vague sense that something was wrong? </p>
<p>FWIW.</p>
<p>Sue22, </p>
<p>Thank you for the advice! I will be sure to talk with my parents more this evening.</p>
<p>annasdad,</p>
<p>Thank you for your story. I would like to say that I don’t /think/ I have any serious mental problems and that the chance that a kid might have one shouldn’t determine their college location. On the other hand, my mom thinks I have some serious mental problems and has reached the conclusions that I am on a lot of drugs. So yeah…</p>
<p>I would be very frustrated with my parents if I were you. I’m getting the impression that they would veto any choice that isn’t Vanderbilt. Have they come out and said that? If I were you, I’d look them in the eyes and say, “So is this the way it is? No Vandy, no money?” Because you could save yourself some aggravation by getting that out of the way, if that’s the case. I hope that’s not the case and that you are allowed to choose based on what makes sense for you. May 1 is right around the corner, after all.</p>
<p>Of course, in answer to your original question, any of us could imagine situations in which a parent’s presence could be helpful to a child at college and where distance would be inconvenient for everyone involved. Some of us could produce real-life examples. But many of us could also produce examples of children who went to college thousands of miles away from their parents with no lasting bad effects. In my opinion, unless a child has a mental or physical illness, a parent needn’t be within easy driving distance. It might be nice; it’s rarely essential. </p>
<p>Growing up is painful for kids. Letting go of kids can be painful for parents. Both of these things HAVE TO happen if kids are going to become independent. As a mother, it’s hard for me to accept the fact that my child no longer requires my physical presence for her well-being. But she doesn’t. As it turns out, she is only going to be two and a half hours away, but I was prepared to send her further away if that’s where she wanted to be.</p>
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<p>But the first big break, Thanksgiving, is only a couple of months into the semester and winter break is just a month after that. Not everyone comes home at Thanksgiving but most do. It seems that the mom would have noticed a big difference in her kid if she had no clue before the kid left. OTOH kids don’t usually develop anorexia overnight so maybe the mom already knew there was an issue before the kid actually left and it got worse.</p>
<p>My son never needed us to visit him at college, 2 plane flights away. We did visit him often for fun. He was at a small LAC and we felt confident that if he needed help, the college would be there for him. If we couldn’t have sent him half way across the country for college, how could we have sent him to Morocco to study abroad? Parents need to let go a little and trust their kids and their chosen college. Bad things can happen to anyone anywhere, but they usually don’t and if they do, it can usually be handled by the college/study abroad program. CMC has an excellent reputation. Hope your parents will give you some choice.</p>
<p>More ammunition :-)</p>
<p>Claremont McKenna admit rate… 12.4 percent
Vanderbilt admit rate… 13.3 percent</p>
<p>Worried about finding a mate? CMC is one of the few schools with more men than women. At more schools there’s a gender imbalance in the other direction.</p>
<p>Some parents have a hard time letting go. It can be easier if there’s at least an illusion that they can drop in on you if they need to.</p>
<p>Your parents may also be facing the reality that if you go to school in California you may like it there and not return to the East.</p>