<p>Maybe if you have a talk with your S about courage and about how you raised him to be courageous and to do the right thing even in the face of difficulty he will come around to the idea of going to the authorities himself. There is also a plethora of resources on the issue of hazing that you can point him to. Now’s the time to use that spine you gave him!</p>
<p>I am assuming this is a college frat situation. This type of a scenario is exactly why I think that college administrators should come down so hard on hazing - zero tolerance period. This is a no win situation for the OP’s son and the pity is that the administration will be obligated to act here and then continue to turn a blind eye. Meanwhile Op’s son takes the brunt of it all. Unfortunately, sometimes doing the right thing is a thankless job.</p>
<p>If it were my own child I would advise him to attempt to see if any of the other pledges have similar feelings. Then find some way to report it anonymously. Depending upon how dominant the frat is on campus, they could really make OP’s son miserable for 4 years. I would not place my own child in that situation. Nor should college administrators be placing new students in that vulnerable position. They need to stand up and do their jobs.</p>
<p>Appreciate the many responses.</p>
<p>My quote function does not seem to work or it is just my inability to work it - but I wanted to respond to some comments.</p>
<p>This is a fraternity not a sports team. Son is a pledge. He was hazed - not a bystander or someone who heard about this through the grapevine.</p>
<p>He called us in the wee hours of the morning just after he and the other guys were released. When the phone rings at that hour the first response is you are happy that no one is dead or seriously injured or in jail. He needed to talk to someone, had no one to talk to, and did not know what to do. We have a good relationship and we have always said to son & his friends - Call us if you are ever in a bad position (ex - too drunk to drive) we will be there for you,with no questions or judgment, to help you to a safe place.</p>
<p>He was angry and humiliated. He is a very bright kid, an athlete, and has had numerous leadership experiences. He was upset with himself for not getting up, leading the charge and saying to heck with this I am not doing this…come on guys we are out of here. He is really beating himself up for staying and participating.</p>
<p>Currently our son has become super busy with school work and volunteer activities which keep him from being around this fraternity group. He is not going to see the pledge process through. He does not want to sign on to anything or be part of any group that does such things as what he experienced. He has also realized that being part of this group is not a productive use of his time and it is not why he is in college.</p>
<p>We are encouraging him to come up with a solution that he can live with and that makes the situation better for himself, others, and the school (ie. in some way ---- tell someone!). We have discussed with him that this is a defining moment and he does not want to look back with more regret than he already has for not leaving the room and that doing the right thing no matter how difficult will work out best in the long run. We have also explained that any group that is moronic enough to allow such an activity is moronic enough to cause social problems but he might just have to deal with that and chalk this up to a lesson about staying clear of jerks.</p>
<p>Ideally he will come to the livable solution on his own but I do think at a certain point we need to step in and say something. I am not comfortable having this information and just sitting on it. I am going to research the anonymous options.</p>
<p>I am sick & disgusted over this situation. I am mad at the school because I do not understand how this can happen right under their nose and on their property. I am mad at myself for not pushing more for the schools that do not have Greek life on their campus. I can not believe we are the only parents that know about this incident. I could go on and on…</p>
<p>Given he doesn’t want to associate w this guys again, I don’t see the harm in reporting it to college administration and the national organization of the frat. Hazing is not tolerated anymore and in some states is illegal. He sounds like a good kid who will stand up for his rights. </p>
<p>Since most kids steer clear of the Greek system, he should still have plenty of friends and classmates that will be proud he exposed these jerks. (And these jerks will likely be thrown out of school - just a way of purging the system of idiots)</p>
<p>Your son sounds like a terrific young man. You should be proud of him. I hope my own children are as comfortable calling me in the wee hours of the morning to talk these types of situations out. I am certain he will find the right solution.</p>
<p>“I am not comfortable having this information and just sitting on it.”</p>
<p>And there is your answer. Glad to know your son will not continue with the frat and I hope that he will report what happened. But I think you know that you need to do something yourself if he does not. Kids HAVE died in hazing. I wouldn’t want that on my hands and I would risk my kid’s trust to report if I had to.</p>
<p>I did a little snooping around and found that Franklin and Marshall college has an anonymous hazing report on their website. [Anonymous</a> Hazing Report ? Franklin & Marshall](<a href=“Franklin & Marshall - College Life Manual”>Franklin & Marshall - College Life Manual) I would think other colleges do also - check your son’s school and see if they do.</p>
<p>Found this also:</p>
<p>ANTI-HAZING HOTLINE</p>
<p>The Greek Anti-Hazing Hotline, established in 2007 by a consortium of national fraternities and sororities, is currently sponsored by 38 national and international Greek organizations.
The Hotline provides an anonymous telephone line for anyone to report a suspected or recent hazing incident to one number 1-888-NOT-HAZE (1-888-668-4293) that accepts calls 24 hours a day. The Hotline connects to a dedicated voice mailbox at Manley Burke, LPA. The calls are automatically saved as audio files that are then transmitted by e-mail to the headquarters of the fraternity or sorority named in the report. This is true whether or not the reports are about one of the sponsors or another organization. In some instances, reports are about athletic teams, bands or clubs. When those calls are received, the institution where the organization is located is contacted.</p>
<p>I would report it anonymously without telling my son but also recommend that he report it anonymously.</p>
<p>If he wants to report it anonymously, he should not sound out the other pledges. That would only make it obvious who filed the report.</p>
<p>I think that you should act to A) preserve your relationship with your son–which is impressive 
, B) help him to do the right thing and in doing so repair his sense of self worth, and C) make sure it is reported. Convincing him to report it–and I think anonymously is fine–would be the best thing. When it is investigated, he can simply tell the truth. Others may do so also. I do not think that you should report it behind his back. He will know or at least suspect that it was you, and that will damage your relationship.</p>
<p>OP if your son " is scared of being ostracized or hurt by these guys" that is bullying, plain and simple. </p>
<p>I know my D well, and if she is opening up to me about something that scares her or worries her, she is looking to me for guidance, and likely some help in how to maneuver through something troublesome as an adult.</p>
<p>This is a golden opportunity for you to help your son deal with an adult situation, as an adult would. He needs to go to the authorities. Immediately. With your support and unconditional love you, and he, will get through this. </p>
<p>The bullying must stop now!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>While true, the 35% of male students at F&M who join fraternities does appear to be on the high side. However only 15% of female students there join sororities.
[Frequently</a> Asked Questions ? Franklin & Marshall](<a href=“http://www.fandm.edu/greeklife/faq]Frequently”>F&M Page Not Found)</p>
<p>OP did not say what school her son goes to. I cited the F&M hazing report as an example, hoping her son’s school has a similar thing.</p>
<p>I would call the national organization anonymously. You can block your phone number when you call even. They need to know. They want to know. Chapters can be closed for that kind of behavior. It has to stop before someone is seriously harmed.</p>
<p>I’d depledge. I’ve never understood the “hazing” crapola. </p>
<p>These things are excuses for people who want power over others for no reason. It attracts perverts and nut cases.</p>
<p>Although I wouldn’t count on it, its possible that he’s far from alone in his feelings about it. If not, he probably doesn’t want to be around these jokers anyway. Four years is a long time, and things don’t change quickly.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It can easily happen right under their noses IF NO ONE TELLS.</p>
<p>OP you should be very proud of your son and yourself. It is wonderful that he feels comfortable coming to with this information and also that you are both thoughtful enough to take the time to think through how to handle the situation. I think reporting anonymously is a good option, however how does the organization determine that it is a valid complaint? I’m just curious as to how this would work. It seems that any one that has a grudge against a certain frat (or any organization for that matter) could simply phone in an anonymous complaint. I wonder how much time they put into investigating these complaints? It seems if you give enough detail to make the complaint valid than you are narrowing down the field of where the complaint came from</p>
<p>An anonymous complaint seems the way to, though they will have an idea if he is the only one who quit. Who cares anyway? Does he believe they will beat him up? If so, that puts another angle on it. Not sure how to proceed in that case. Is he on a sports team that would support him? </p>
<p>Was it different forms of alcohol,that made them get sick, or are we talking chemicals such as cleaners, or syrup of ipecac (to make you throw up)? Just how dangerous was this? versus uncomfortable and gross. Not saying its “ok” but just wondered because I believe there will always be some hazing or initiation, but it should never put anybody in danger. Looking stupid is one thing, being dead is another. If it was truly dangerous then it must be reported.</p>
<p>Get him into a dorm, ASAP (I’m assuming he is a freshman and can’t live off campus?) Then go to the administration with him, if he asks you. Or tell him to go himself and practice how you would handle it, in a role-playing situation.</p>
<p>Perhaps there is a means for him to report it anonymously now? </p>
<p>I would not leave him in a house where thugs are known to brutalize younger and/or weaker members. I’d have him leave the school before that.</p>
<p>you can be proud that your son is as grounded as he is and knows he can trust you. good parenting, it seems he wanted your support and a sounding board and you provided that. I think he’ll find his way in figuring out how to report this without it impacting him directly. the school should have a system for doing so. my s’s college had multiple frats that involved hazing and he selected the one that did not. it’s a shame that more is not done to monitor these frats, and set up a way to report concerns. it shouldn’t be this hard for any of our kids to avoid this.</p>
<p>If you do report it anonymously yourself AND you disclose this information to your son, it puts him in a vulnerable position of possibly being confronted and having to lie about not knowing anything. Only you know how well your son plays poker in this situation. Personally, if the retribution and or lack of support by administration is a real consideration, I would report it and NOT tell him I did so. This protects his ability to remain truthful, especially if he doesn’t know of your involvement. It is sometimes hard for kids who have a good conscience to lie or deny to protect themselves, under duress. He never has to know you reported it. It’s hard to guage how real the danger or ramifications will be, but I would report it somehow, so someone doesn’t die. Hugs and prayers to both of you.</p>
<p>It needs to be reported. I feel for your son in this situation, and I don’t think it’s something he needs to handle on his own. On this board we often see the advice that the kids are adults now so they should handle these adult problems, but as adults, we still turn to our support systems for help and guidance in difficult situations, and sometimes we need more than that. Being an adult doesn’t mean being an island. Right now you are his support system. He is new to the school and hasn’t had time to create a support system there. I imagine that’s what he was trying to do by pledging.<br>
I agree that he shouldn’t try to sound out others first, or he is just tipping his hand. Just being in that room, with people willing to treat others that way is threat enough that if he’d tried to walk away, they may have done worse. I would have felt very threatened in that situation.<br>
It is wonderful that he called you, and I only hope my kid would do the same.<br>
If you can’t find an anonymous way to report it, someone’s suggestion on her that you just tell us and we report it isn’t all bad. But I would find a way to report it sooner than later.</p>