<p>My D has been accepted to Brown U, Georgetown U, The GWU, NYU and our in-state university that has all the feel of a real university, Honors College, a beautiful campus, football team, basketball team, co-ed and single sex dorms and just a 2 hour drive from home. Well, she did not show a interest in any majors and was confused about what colleges to apply. As a parent I suggested the above Universities and pretty much persuaded her into International Affairs. The sole purpose of applying to these universities was because of their strong academic programs in International Affairs. Her heart was set on GWU but in mid April she decided to tell me that she is not interested in majoring in International Affairs and though she was accepted into the Elliot School of International Affairs at GW she would have to go undeclared until she discovers her major. I made the decision for her not to accept the offers at the top universities but to attend our in-state university. She was heart broken but not kicking and screaming over this decision. It is going to cost our family over a course of 5 years $80,000.00+ to attend GWU as oppose to $35,000.00 to attend our in-state university. Could I be wrong for taking this opportunity away from my daughter? Is a university worth spending this type of money when the student is just weeks away from graduating high school and still unsure of a major. I am heart broken.</p>
<p>The finances are something only your family has a right to evaluate; however, as to lack of a major, that’s not unusual at all for a high school senior. And even for those who are “sure” now about a major, a high percentage of them will change majors once in college. And I remember hearing from many admissions officers that their most popular major for their entering class was “undecided.” Of course your daughter is unsure of what she wants to major in now. She hasn’t had the breadth of experience to know what many majors entail. She won’t really know what she’s interested in until she takes a variety of college courses. This is not a failing on her part.</p>
<p>If you are saying that you can afford the more expensive schools and took away the privilege of going to one because she did not choose the major you chose for her then yes, it’s unfair.</p>
<p>While you certainly get a vote when your footing the bill I think the general consensus here is to tell your child what you can afford upfront and let them choose.</p>
<p>You speak of choosing the colleges on the list and the perspective major…have some faith in your daughter, step back and let her learn to make her own choices.</p>
<p>Let me ask you - would you have let her go to GWU if she had decided to stay with IA? If not, why did you allow her to apply to those schools? Obviously you were prepared to pay 80+ for her to go to those private schools when she was going to major in IA. Are you punishing her for being undecided? Sounds harsh, but that what it looks like to me.</p>
<p>Cross posted with hmom5</p>
<p>"Could I be wrong for taking this opportunity away from my daughter? "
Getting an undergrad degree from a good state university and graduating with a minimum amount of debt is a GREAT opportunity. Embrace your great decision.</p>
<p>hmom5 gives excellent advice!</p>
<p>It is a bit late now to wonder.</p>
<p>The error was in persuading D to apply International Affairs, when it seems (from the posting) she had no interest in it (or for applying to colleges). It looks like things are now on a good path…she will be attending a good school that is not too $$ and she can experience college as an ‘undeclared’ to determine what really interests her.</p>
<p>I think the opportunity for your daughter is to be some place where she can start to take responsibility for her own direction and choices. </p>
<p>good luck to you and her</p>
<p>Why did you title this thread “Heart broken Mom?” It sounds like your daughter is the one who is heartbroken, not you. You picked several expensive private colleges you wanted her to apply to. And you also picked her major. Then you forced her to decline the colleges that YOU had selected and that she was accepted to because she didn’t want to major in something that YOU had picked. Undeclared majors enter college all the time, deciding on a major is easier after taking several college level classes and experiencing what the subject is all about.</p>
<p>Managing finances is definitely your choice as a family. Finances are a legitimate way to base your decision. </p>
<p>Being unsure of a major is normal. I entered university(Brown) with my mind set on premed and biochemistry. Right now my career is completely ???, though I have found a different major that I’m absolutely in love with. I don’t really think “not having a major in mind” is justification for not attending a university and I’ve never been a fan of the idea of choosing a university for its major for most students just because so many people change their minds(though keeping in mind whether it has a relatively strong major is relevant). I didn’t even know my current major existed until I started thumbing through the course catalog as a pre-frosh. Most students are aged 17-19 when they enter university–and how many 17-19 year olds know what they want with absolute certainty in life? I was sure from age 3-17 that I wanted to be a doctor, but have now crossed medicine off for good. I was 16 when applying to college and when I sent in my commitment card–too young to really know yet, though not too young to choose which university I wanted. Too young to really grasp the vast choices out there. </p>
<p>That being said, it’s too late for you to reverse your decision, so there’s not much point to what-iffing.</p>
<p>You made the decision about which schools your daughter should apply to. You made the decision about her major. As soon as your daughter made decisions for herself, on which school to accept and what not to major in, you overruled them. </p>
<p>When will you allow your daughter to make her own choices?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes. .</p>
<p>I have not gone through the process yet, but DD will be a senior in the fall and will be going through applying to colleges. DH and I have already sat her down and talked to her about the amount of money we have set aside for college so that she can use this information when selecting the schools she wants to apply to.</p>
<p>My advice in hindsight would have been to let your DD know how much you were willing to pay for her education.</p>
<p>Do you know how hard it is to get into Brown? My daughter would have loved to go there and we would have sent her which would not have been easy because we are a middle class family but she didn’t get in. She doesn’t know what she wants to major in because she is 18, we would have sent her there for the education, not the major. I don’t understand parents like you.</p>
<p>OP, don’t beat yourselves too hard. The honors college seems ok to me. Not sure if I would have done it differently.</p>
<p>This situation breaks my heart, too. :(</p>
<p>I agree with most of the posters here. The decision of what college and what major belong soley with your daughter. The decision of how much you are willing to spend on college belong to you.</p>
<p>I think it is unrealistic to expect most kids to “know” what they want to do when they are only 18. Many, many kids change their major and I sometimes think that asking kids to declare a major before they even start classes is a little silly.</p>
<p>It’s okay that she is undecided. This is HER life and future and she should get a chance to spread her wings.</p>
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<p>Where did you get the idea that high school seniors should know their major? I have a musical, Shakespeare-loving, physics and math girl. She’ll work it all out by the time she has to choose a major. I figure the best place to figure that out is in a really good school.</p>
<p>I echo the others in saying that it’s very common for even the kid who enters college thinking s/he’s chosen a major to change his or her mind once there. That said, we made sure that our sons chose schools that were strong in a number of areas that we could envision them pursuing if they were to change majors. It’s risky to base a decision on a single program within a university.</p>
<p>Would like to thank you all for such a quick response, now to answer a few questions:</p>
<p>Oldfort - we decided to allow her to apply to these colleges because they had an excellent program in International Affairs and we were willing to pay the expense to make it happen.</p>
<p>Hmom5 - It does sound like a punishment but once she decides on her undergraduate major, we are still more than willing to assist her financial during her graduate work - the univesity will be of her choice. Maybe one day I will be a proud mom when I can make the statement that my daughter will be attending Brown U, or she only graduated from our in-state university is is doing very well financially. It just “so much” depends upon the individual.</p>
<p>Avoidingwork - You are correct it was all my doing and if I would have allowed her to make her decisions we probably would not be going through these emotional changes. I believe parents try so hard to make things right, we tend to make mistake along the way.</p>
<p>At this point, I just can not justify paying the expense to attend GWU if the reason behind applying was based on what the university had to offer in International Affairs, yes it does break my heart, because I was so proud she was admitted to these universities, and I had to make the decision based on her “undeclared” major and our expenses. I would now prefer to spend thousands on her graduate work instead. Her spirits are still high, she is looking forward to her senior prom and her summer position. I pray she will continue to do well and I did not make one of the biggest mistake of our lives.</p>