I flew from London to DC to help my D move this summer (to SC). We both thought it would be fun - and it was! I didn’t have any thought that it might be too much “enabling.” I bought her some things for her kitchen and stocked her fridge. But my mom, at 78, still does that for me when she visits. She also pays for all of our meals when we travel together. Doesn’t bother me one bit. And I consider myself a successful adult!
Our local library doesn’t have “Paying for the Party” in its collection. I read a bit about the book on Amazon. Book was published fairly recently (2013) but the research was done in a 2004ish time frame.
There could be info to be extrapolated from this book, but it just kind of sounds like how does the UG environment and other variables mean on the student decisions, their academic success, and what their life is after college.
A lot of kids may have their goals either hazy or not with important priorities. Some think mediocre college progress and degree will lead to easy financial success.
We as parents are a bit of a safety net - my college kids are not there w/o our support emotionally, financially. They are working hard to achieve the learning, grades, and degree. They like being independent and we as parents do not meddle because they are doing well and do not need us initiating oversight. Sometimes when I offer some college suggestions, DD will message back ‘I’ve got this college thing down’.
There are many dimensions with personal growth. Sometimes it is the work hard and work steady, while also not making foolish snap decisions that have a big impact on one’s life. Learning to have fun while staying safe; not having fun interfere with college/career success.
“My husband thinks I caused irreparable harm – that I should have behaved exactly as I would have if she had moved to the other side of the country.”
I’m sorry to hear this. I don’t see the harm.
Irreparable harm is an over statement. I’m not sure any harm either. I’d give that husband a nice gentle talk on the proper usage of the word irreparable, as in what the heck is he talking about.
Not quite.
It began in 2005 and the study lasted 5 years. So much of their data comes from as recently as 2010.
@DrGoogle, my husband feels that it’s very important for young people to be independent as soon as they graduate from college. He just takes it a little too seriously.
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I’m confused. When did this turn into a wedding thread?
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lol…my mistake. I somehow thought that this was @mcat2 's thread, and I know he’s been long fretting about his son’s future wedding, cost, etc.
I guess we on CC are sophisticated enough to understand a lot (or question a lot) before the student decision (and parent oversight) on choosing a college, and if there is communication on school situations. Of course now we have more regulations and need to have student permission to see college accounting and grade information. I know more than one parent who is footing the bills for college but then having conflict with their student on accessing student grades.
UA (as well as many schools) will have on-line student and parent access information to how a student can be successful and how to foster success at school:
http://counseling.ua.edu/toptenparents.cfm
The referenced book seems like a cross over between running a true study of the students and trying to have some useful generalizing information.
Starting college 10 years ago and starting college now has too many changes. Technology has just sped things up so much.
I was shocked at the number of very young children (age 3 - 6) that have access and regularly view you tube videos. Raising kids exposed to very early technology may be like the preteens that were obsessively texting while their parents were not concerned until they saw fall out.
Will somebody start the wedding thread?