<p>Thank wnp! But just to clarify, in your opinion, could the only explanation for this type of distraction be a form of ADD? I actually did a little research many years ago when D1 was young to see if the absent-mindedness (mine and hers) could be ADD. The literature then was ambiguous as to whether mental distraction in highly creative minds was the same as ADD…some said the conditions were often confused, others that it was really the same thing. I never considered medication for myself or D, because it really didn’t interfere with responsibilities/school to a worrying degree, but I do wonder about this.</p>
<p>And I might add that another symptom with me is that my mind wanders way too easily in conversations with other people…it is sometimes highly embarrassing when I’ve tuned out and miss what somebody has just said while looking straight at them. My family and close friends know this about me and actually ask to make sure something registers when it’s important–I think they can tell when I’m not engaged by some distant look on my face. I’m not sure this happens with D much, cuz like all teenagers some things go in one ear and out the other and I can’t really tell if it’s cuz her mind is somewhere else, but I sure hope not.</p>
<p>I have lost numerous wallets, credit cards, keys etc. I don’t know why I am like this! Despite this I have a successful career.</p>
<p>In our family, we are all like this to one degree or another. Same stuff as other folks have mentioned… We adopted the strategy of minimal clutter, as other posters have mentioned. We joke that we live in a Pottery Barn ad. It has really, really helped to have a place for everything. Keys in a special cabinet…all computer and cell phone accessories in a basket, phone directories a cubby, three drawer unit in coat closet for hats, gloves, scarves, earmuffs. We process bills immediately to reduce paper clutter, or set up automated payments. If we touch passport, birth certificate or other super duper important document, I can’t rest until it’s back in its special place. We just can’t handle the stress and lost time that misplacing things causes. </p>
<p>If a cell phone or or expensive digital gadget is lost (IPOD, expensive calculator or the like)we will not pay to replace it for D1 or 2. It is a huge inconvenience not to be able to call your child or have them call you for a few weeks - but I figure, we all survived without them for a very long time. The child has to buy their own, or find it. I know in some families this would be tough, or a big safety issue as far as cell phone is concerned, but we get by. </p>
<p>Amazing there is so much company here on CC. My parents are not like this, and I don’t think DH’s are either, but all of us are. I also must say that when my parents stopped ‘helping’ me, I got better. You just develop coping mechanisms.</p>
<p>And my mantra is ‘crackberry, crackberry, OK, there it is, phew’. I don’t have glasses yet. I also sometimes lose focus in conversations like Wildwood. D2 has mild ADD, maybe I do also.</p>
<p>I am looking forward to the day that we can tag everything with RFID and find it magically.</p>
<p>My 15 year old son plays basketball and he comes home a few times a week with something missing from his gym bag: cell phone, shoes, pants, jackets, socks, etc. A few weeks ago, his wallet was stolen from his bag while he was at any away game. He never even realized that his J. Crew cargo pants were also stolen - which were actually worth much more than the wallet containing $3. </p>
<p>I think he loses these things because he just doesn’t care about them. I’m trying to make him care more - I told him that I’m not replacing lost shoes, so if he runs out of shoes, he’ll have to figure out what to do. He came home from school the next day with the missing shoes - imagine that!</p>
<p>I am very much like the OP’s kid … and it the natural way I am … and it will never change. I have developed strategies to cope with the issue … and having a routine is HUGE for me. For example, at home my glasses, keys, and wallet go on the desk in the family room, the desk in our bedroom, or on the glasses, keys, wallet shelf on the bookcase in our bedroom … I know to look in those 3 places and this works about 95% of the time … the other 5% of the time is a disaster as I need to do a full house/car/cloths search to try to find them. Similarly I always double check my bag on the way out of the house to see if I have everything … I do this even if I packed 5 minutes before I’m leaving … I have NO ability to remember what I have packed or not packed.</p>
<p>When I coach as the kids leave my last line of every practice is … “Please make sure you have you ball, water bottle, sweats, bag, parent, siblings, dog, or whatever else you brought with you!” … everyone sort of rolls their eyes at me when I see this … and one kid looks down and then heads back to the gym/field to find their missing something.</p>
<p>Wildwood11 - In answer to your question, do I think a form of ADD is the only explanation? No. I think the wild cards are motivation & stress. When working with young adults I often tell them that they are in a position to determine whether they have a true Attention Deficit. I know that we can fill out a survey or I can fill one out with the family and get the same results for two different kids, and it may not mean the same thing. What is critical in discerning what is going on is determining the level of motivation and the amount of stress one feels.</p>
<p>Some kids may not care about the same things as their parents. Gourmetmom talked about her son and his shoes. Maybe he just doesn’t care that much about his shoes and figures the shoes will get replaced (Obviously, that was not the case).</p>
<p>On the other hand, there are people (many of whom are posting on the board) who don’t want to root through their pockets and purses for keys and glasses. We set up systems, chastise ourselves when we don’t comply with our own standards, and generally feel stressed and disappointed with ourselves. That’s a different situation. </p>
<p>So, determining what is going on is part science, part experience.</p>
<p>One thing I have learned is that systems have to very, very simple in order to work. I have given up on purses with multiple pockets or elaborate organizers. I try to buy one with one outside pocket and a light colored lining so I can find whatever I have thrown into the purse. </p>
<p>I don’t use a sophisticated planner. I have a simple calender with me and a 5x8 spiral notebook that has no organization, but where I write any notes. Later, when I have my organizing day at home, I transfer info to the right place. </p>
<p>Anyway - as my screen name says - I am a work in progress. Add the whole menopausal thing and you can be assured that while I may appear very organized professionally (and I do), it take a LOT of effort.</p>
<p>My mother-in-law’s laments about my husband as he was growing up would fit in very well here.</p>
<p>Mothers, fear not… Eventually these young men marry nice young women who remind them where they last left their wallets/keys/brains. In turn, your nice young gentlemen grin sheepishly at the wives they adore, and then do things like cook dinner, or wash the dishes, or pick up more cat food, or run a few loads of laundry, or surprise them with tickets to a minor league hockey game. It all comes out even in the end. =)</p>
<p>Update: Ds has paid for the new locks out of savings (about $90). He also bought for $20 a used Razr from a friend who got a new phone for Christmas. I think spending his own money on the phone will be incentive to really take care of it this time. 
He’s signed up to work this weekend and will make about $75-$85 so he’ll have almost recouped all his money.</p>
<p>Most importantly, I talked to dh about how continuing to berate him isn’t gong to make the situation better. He totally got it and ended up apologizing to ds for making such a huge deal about it.</p>
<p>I have a DD like this too, and I have some suggestions.<br>
- Consider evaluating her for ADHD. It is my STRONG opinion that this diagnosis in smart kids is underused - they can do their work in class with one hand tied behind their back, so they don’t get identified. In my daughter’s case, we had her on meds for about 10 years while she developed neurologically and in compensatory skills. She eventually improved, but it is a slow process, and needs a great deal of patience on your part.<br>
- I was much better able to handle my own emotions, and my DD was more motivated, when I began chargiing her for “hassle time” to assist her with lost or forgotten items. If she calls me from school, and says Mom I forgot my English paper, can you please drop it off, I announce a hassle factor based on my own commitments. One day, she would owe me my time times five (if I was busy) another day times 10 (if I was swamped). This strategy meant that there was an immediate cost to her behavior (10 minutes drive time times 5 = two nights of my relaxing while SHE made dinner). She learned to both consider the importance of the item and do a better job of not forgetting things. And I learned yelling, once again, is not effective.</p>
<p>At one point, we reached a scream breakage point because I am the one in our family that is supervising academics and her forgetfullness was making her grades drop. I realized that we were losing our relationship, and we elected to hire an academic coach. It was not cheap, but how much is a peaceful house worth? Furthermore, it helped me remember that school performance is important, but establishing good moral character, a kind and thoughtful approach to decisions, and developing into a godly woman was infinitely more so. How could I work on those life skills if she wasn’t speaking to me? Carefully consider the cost of your frustration, and figure out what to do to be more effective.</p>
<p>Funny, to see this old post resurrected. I have wondered about ADD where this kid is concerned …</p>