<p>Alwaysamom you make some excellent points in your post. </p>
<p>The only thing I would do differently is I would not make a huge deal about Thanksgiving. Maybe just say, well then we look forward to seeing you and ___ at Christmas. She will go off and have Thanksgiving with BF and his roomies and probably miss her family. Telling her she “has” to be there for a holiday might drive her away or make her resentful. At that age I missed quite a few holiday dinners with family to spend it with friends but soon returned to regular holiday celebrations with the family.</p>