HELP - dgtr wants to move in with boyfriend

<p>I remember your posts well because your daughter sounds very much like my niece. I remember that she had a hard time in high school too and suffered from depression.</p>

<p>Assuming that you’ve checked this guy out, and he is who he says he is, I’d step back and let your daughter do as she sees fit. While he is not driven, who’s to say he isn’t a decent young man who has had a hard life? It could be that he needs a few years to get on his feet, earn some money and then decide what he wants to do with his life. If the worst that you can say is that he doesn’t remember to say thank you, you’re in good shape.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, it sounds like your daughter is happier. Staying in bed until noon, while normal for some, spells depression for others. Until she is strong and confident she will probably not attract driven friends, boyfriends or same sex. If this young man is a caring person, she will probably gain some self confidence from this relationship, and if he’s not right for her as she matures, she’ll move on.</p>

<p>It’s hard to believe that you can win this one in terms of changing her mind and have all come out happy and intact. Your daughter seems to appropriately know she’ll have to get a job and pay for her living expenses if she is to live with him. I would never withold tuition as a threat, good chance you’ll end up with her married to him without a degree if you do that.</p>

<p>My niece who also suffers from depression was very, very insecure when she left for college and holed up with a guy I wouldn’t have chosen for her. Now I have to admit he did wonders for her confidence. She’s doing a study abroad term right now when 2 years ago she would never have left her backyard if not by force! They are still together and I’ve come to understand that while they came together through mutual insecurity they have done a great deal for each other.</p>

<p>Make a real effort to get to know her boyfriend. If he’s uncomfortable going to your family events you should try to spend time with him on his turf. Anything you say will be suspect until you’ve really tried to like him.</p>

<p>It is almost a certainty that a lonely young woman will choose him over you if pushed. I wish you luck.</p>