My DH has an annual formal holiday party. The women dress in cocktail or long dresses. He’s been with the company 25 years. I recycle my dresses if I really love them, maybe every 5 or 6 years. My very first dress I wore I still have and love. I can still wear it and it looks appropriate. I’ve worn it 3 times to the party. There’s always new people and now they include staff. I get complements every single time I wear this dress. (For the record this will be the first time I’ve ever worn it without hose!)
Anyway, I wore it about 12 years ago (my 3rd time). One of the guys there that DH works closely with made some sort of remark to me letting me know it was a recycler. It embarrassed me and I don’t remember what I said, probably yes it is. (No one else was there to hear it)
We always sit with him and I want to be ready for a comeback that isn’t nasty, but humorous (as others might be standing around) but when he leaves he thinks “huh!”
I’m not confrontational IRL and don’t tell people off, or know witty comebacks…so need help with this jerk.
You know, it really shows me how lucky I am that my DH is such a gentleman.
I think I would just act as if whatever he said was a compliment. It’s confusing to the jerk and a subtle way of pointing out they’re being a horse’s patootie.
I don’t have a comeback for you. but I am amazed that a man would remember what a colleague’s wife wore to a past Christmas party. Is there something very distinctive about this dress that makes it memorable, like an unusual decoration? Otherwise I would be a bit uncomfortable that a man I wasn’t married to was paying that much attention to how I dressed.
Should I feel complimented that you remembered that I wore this before?..
Honestly, a true gentleman has fashion amnesia…just a nugget of wisdom you might want to remember…
You think he’ll remember a dress you last wore 12 years ago? Wow, that’s super creepy.
They probably wish you were as good at remembering to do your job as you are at remembering what I wear.
Does my husband need to be worried about you?
I can’t remember what I ate this morning, yet you remember what dress I wore a decade before?
Do I need a restraining order?
Since you remember so much about me where did I leave my extra set of car keys I lost?
Where were you when I lost my car in the parking lot?
Do you prefer these shoes or the ones I wore last time?
You missed your true calling, you should have worked for the CIA.
I’d be flattered if I didn’t find it so creepy.
I’m guessing that, since you believe the guy meant the comment in a negative way, he did but is there the possibility that he actually either meant it as a compliment or maybe just as a statement of fact? We are trained to somehow think that recycling dresses in this way is bad but my dh, for example, thinks that’s crazy (and I bet a bunch of us reading this do too). But, as a response, I’d say something like, “Yes, I love this dress and it makes me so happy to have this kind of special occasion where I can wear it!”
For the record, I agree that it’s pretty amazing, in a rather creepy way, that the guy would remember the dress. Maybe his sister/wife/mother had one that reminds him of her when he saw it.
Or turn the tables and tell him you just got it. That should make him think twice. Could you change up the accessories to make it slightly less recognizable?
It’s hard to know what to say in advance as your reply is so dependent on jerk’s actual comment. This kind of thing reminds me of being bullied and I learned a long time ago that the best way to respond is to do as little as possible in response. Saying too much or fumbling for answer that turns out to be dumb or off track just opens the door for a comeback from the jerk which is something you probably don’t want. So combining posts #9 and 13, perhaps a “thanks for noticing, have a nice evening, a…hole”… leaving out the last word of course.
I think some people misunderstood. This guy didn’t remember the dress from 12 years ago, he might have remembered from 2 or 3 years before, the OP didn’t say. Likely he won’t remember this time. But if he does, I don’t think that the fact of him remembering the dress is by itself creepy. Maybe he just appreciates pretty things and meant it as a compliment. It all depends on the exact remark. I would certainly not be embarrassed by somebody just noticing the fact of me reusing the dress - I’m not buying anything for one time use!
This reminds me of a company party I helped organize. One of my team members saved me a place at the table our team was sitting at. There was also an external sales rep. He saw me come over and sit down (late, as I was checking folks in). He asked me if I was D’s date, I said no, I work for A. “Oh, are you his secretary”; No, I’m an engineer.; “Really?” After that, he stopped drinking, and said very little the rest of the evening. (In typing this I want to be clear that for me, it was all about his last remark - he couldn’t believe that I was an engineer.)
So, weird things happen at holiday parties. I don’t have a response to the op, but there is lots to consider from what has been posted.