Help Me With Achieving My Dream

Colleges & Universities University of Michigan
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I don’t know where to start or where to honestly post this, but I figured this forum would work, as I’m based in Michigan, and UofM is one of the schools I am considering.

I am Canadian; I finished high school with a 93% average and went on to the University of British Columbia. I graduated with a BA in English Honors, with an Emphasis in English Literature with a GPA of 3.7. Ever since stepping foot on a college campus, everything changed for me. I hate being cliché, but I mean it; everything about academia I adore. I just feel home and myself when I’m there, and I love the research and the teaching, not to mention everything it stands for.

Trigger warning: skip to the next bolded line to avoid trauma

Not to trauma dump, but I think the context will help. I left home at a very early age. I started working when I was probably around 10? I started getting paid when I was 12, and I saved up every penny I had so I could go to postsecondary education. My biological parents were immigrants, and they moved to Canada with this idealized image of living out the white-picket-fence dream. Reality hit, and life did not live up to that, and they were very bitter. As the eldest, I was always told it was my responsibility to take care of the family, both as a child and as an adult. Since I can remember, my parents were at work, and it was on me to keep the house together, cleaning it, cooking, and raising my baby sister. To them, college meant that I would become a doctor and give them the dream they always wanted. But I was imperfect. I dealt with a lot of intense physical and emotional abuse. Once my mom had tried to kill me, I packed my bags, took my cat, and tried to find my way. I initially saw it as this escape from my situation, but academia became so, so much more to me.

Safe here <3

I eventually got into college and tried at first to stick to the path of being in a specialized medical undergraduate program, but I realized that I was still trying to live up to their standards. That throughout all the labs and countless calculus classes, it was not that I loved the topics; I loved writing about it. I took a jump and applied for transfer into arts, and I got in. As much as I faced hardship, I loved analyzing stories, finding their deeper meaning, and seeing what deeper story they painted for me. At the same time, I adored writing stories that also did the same, creating my own art. I always took stances that involved a lot about queer theory, ecocriticism, feminism, and trauma. I went on to do my undergraduate thesis on intergenerational trauma and the cycle of violence, how it continues, and how it takes resistance to break through it.

Graduating, I knew I wanted to come back. I want to eventually do a PhD. I want to become a professor where I further research and delve more into intergenerational trauma and understand it further to also help others who have been in my shoes. To help us understand why and to have that closure. I am also fascinated by how storytelling also lets us heal from it when done properly, not as trauma porn. With my stories and experiences, I really also have so much passion for creative writing.

With this, I had applied. for MFAs and I still intend to. I want to do an MFA in Fiction and then eventually a PhD in CRWR or English Literature. I did not get into any of the programs I had applied for originally, as with my situation, I am looking at something fully funded. I know it sounds crazy, but it is truly something I want to aim for, not only so I can afford it but also to get into those schools for the experience they will give me. Second time I applied, I got waitlisted for one, but I did not get in.

I am approaching my third year of applying. I know I am stubborn, but I won’t give up. In prior years, I did not really have a stable job; I had a hard time finding one that was not temp/part-time. I just got a full-time job this year at a small university in Michigan working in communications/marketing, but I still cannot stop thinking about doing a MFA and PhD. I don’t care about growing in my current role, as that is my main and only goal.

I wanted to share my story and see if anyone had any advice with applying, with what to do, how to organize my portfolio, references, or anything you can think of. I really fully appreciate any input you can give. These are the ones I am considering, but I am open to hearing any recommendations for schools and how I can reach my dream:

  • Cornell

  • UofM

  • Columbia

  • University of Hawaii

  • University of Pittsburgh

  • Brown

  • University of Iowa

  • Ohio State

  • University of Massachusetts Amherst

  • University of Virginia

    Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you. (@AustenNut I heard you might be of help!) :slight_smile:

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I’m going to suggest an alternative universe where you get to do the things you love (the storytelling, helping others with their journeys and unpacking intergenerational trauma, teaching) by shifting your perspective a bit.

Becoming a professor is an increasingly difficult thing to do. Not the doctorate part- the getting hired part. I know people with PhD’s from some of the top universities in the country, and then a prestigious fellowship and a post-doc or two who are supporting themselves by working as adjunct professors at three different universities. They spend their lives in the car shuttling from campus to campus. They don’t have office hours- they don’t have an office. They communicate with their students on email because the “fun parts”- sitting in a seminar room working with a student one on one is a luxury not afforded to adjuncts who need to get in the car to get to their next class an hour away.

I would hate to see your story end with you patching together a barely decent salary (with zero benefits) just because that’s the job market for English professors (and related) right now. The more pragmatic ones decide they need health insurance, so they teach HS English– a fine outcome for sure, but there are zero school systems in the US that require a doctorate to teach English.

SO- would you consider a Master’s in Counseling? These come in different flavors, but there are professionals trained in music therapy, arts therapy, etc. who take their story telling passion and apply it to a therapeutic environment. Master’s in Social Work? Use your own experience and that of the people you help better understand their pasts and move forward. These are not the “could take 7 years” paths of a doctorate- the programs are quicker, the end result is well defined, you’d still be you but with a slight modification to “achieving your dream”.

You sound terrific. How wonderful that you want to use your experience to help others.

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Thank you so, so much for your response! It means the world.

I’m open to shifting my perspective, but I’ll admit I’m stubborn! I think then it would be for me then the other ways I can use writing for that, for instance, pursuing the MFA still but going into publishing. I do have a fascination for stories, and honestly probably more than the papers and research I really really love writing them. Not just for their existence, but making them layered and using metaphors in different meanings to tell different layers to the story. From asking from friends in the past, they’ve also told me that they believe creative writing is my passion rather than research in English literature. They’ve also recommended me that they think I would really enjoy comics as I used to do them in college when taking comics classes, but I have really bad arthritis and I don’t think that’s viable anymore. I find myself sticking to mainly short stories and novels. I also feel like with writing my stories. I’m able to provide that messaging; I would like to convey and also with going into publishing I feel like I could potentially also help with providing a platform for others to share their stories as well, fictional or non-fictional.

My other part is I really miss school like I would love it if my schooling took seven years as long as I’m not at a financial disadvantage because of it. Like I know that my writing isn’t perfect I mean no one‘s writing is perfect, but I feel like I could grow so much from doing an MFA in creative writing where I can learn how to refine my voice and be more precise with how I articulate their meaning. And that’s why I feel like I’m even more inclined to do the MFA because I was deciding whether to do like an English literature PhD where they already have that track with the masters within it, but regardless, like I really want to do the MFA in creative writing because I do want to learn and have that experience and have that communal learning with other writers too.

Let me know what you think! Do you think it’s realistic applying to these programs too? Or am I throwing app fees into the void? And thank your kind words.

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Of course you’ll be at a financial disadvantage. Every year you spend out of the workforce is a year not contributing to a retirement fund, a year of lost wages (yes, you can get a job as a TA or something else part time, but that will be to cover your expenses, it won’t put you ahead).

This is something only you can decide. But I think you need to really and truly understand how hard it is to support yourself as a writer (whether screenplays, comics, video game narratives, fiction, etc.) before you proceed.

There are people who are lifelong learners. They love school. They have jobs working in property and casualty insurance, and take creative writing classes on weekends. They work in marketing and audit a class at a local university every semester. Tonight I’m going to a lecture by a guy in my neighborhood who is a lawyer but also an expert on contemporary art who is doing a slide show on “Post Modernism”. It will be well attended- he’s fun, a great speaker, has a wonderful reputation for really bringing artworks to life.

My point is that you might want to separate out your love for the classroom (which you can do anywhere, any time, for the rest of your life) and your professional aspirations, and your need to support yourself.

Can you google around to see if your neighborhood/town/local library/other colleges have writing circles? These are set up just like the ones in MFA programs. There’s a facilitator, there are assignments, you all critique each other’s work. I have several friends from college in different parts of the country who are addicted to these programs. Some are devoted to a genre “how to break into screenwriting” or “getting your romance novel published”. Some are open to any and all. But the people who attend have jobs, write for the adrenalin rush and the love, and if something gets published by an independent press- terrific. Or they create their own Sub-Stack.

But they aren’t paying tuition for an MFA program. Think about it.

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This is fantastic advice. Listen to @blossom

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Welcome back, @msdz14!

I agree that you’ve gotten stellar advice from @blossom. I was one of those people who loved college and the life of the mind. I entered a humanities doctoral program at a top university with the intention of becoming a professor. But I kept reading articles in The Chronicle of Higher Education and similar publications about the decline of tenure-track positions, the difficulty of getting any jobs, etc. When combined with an advisor leeching my love of the field away (he was denied tenure my last year there), I decided to leave behind the idea of the ivory tower. And that was a few decades ago, and the job market has only gotten worse.

It sounds like you’ve started to find your financial footing. Rather than digging a big financial hole with an MFA, join writers’ groups and/or audit classes. For instance, can you take audit any creative writing classes at the university you’re attending? Additionally, for those of us who love classes and learning new information, there’s a world at your fingertips with a library card, plus discussion groups and book clubs, lectures, etc.

Also, there are people who have a significant interest in something, but when it becomes all they do and/or they have significant pressure to get a particular result out of the activity they enjoy (like getting an A from a professor, getting a work published, selling a certain number of copies, meeting writing deadlines that aren’t in sync with your writing flow/inspiration), then it can end up tarnishing and even ruining the joy they have in that field. Choosing to keep writing as an enjoyable outlet where you can improve on your craft at the rate that works best for you is something I would give serious consideration to.

As someone who really likes university life but also wants to help others based on your own experience, you may also want to look into higher ed positions that are designed to help first generation students adjust to college, as your background may help them relate to you and the transition they’re making.

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I still remember my shock - now more than 30 years ago - when I learned that more than 200 people had applied for one visiting professor position in the English Department at my small liberal arts college. I was an English major and had been contemplating the idea of getting a PhD in literature, but that scared me away. Today, that same English department has been gradually cutting its tenure track positions, so the competition will be even more brutal than in was in the 90s.

@AustenNut and @blossom are giving you some fantastic advice about how to incorporate your passions into your life in ways that enable you to pursue them without relying on the brutal job market in this area of academia. I especially agree with the advice about looking into higher ed positions that enable you to be in that environment and work with students in the ways that excite you, just outside of academia. There are so many student-facing positions in higher ed - you’ll be surprised! - that aren’t teaching/faculty. I think there are ultimately a lot of paths to pursue your interest in helping the younger generation as well as your love of writing.

Best of luck!

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@msdz14 it sounds like you would prefer to be a professional student, than a student who has the goal of actually ending their studies and finding a job.

My suggestion, take some of your earned income and find a career counselor. Perhaps this person can help you define a variety of careers that align with your interests. That might help you move forward to being an independent, working adult.

Finding a fully funded PhD in your field isn’t going to be easy. But as pointed out…getting a job with a PhD will likely be a huge challenge also. And you mention going to school possibly for seven years. No one here even can guess what the job market will be like in seven years. But with the declining number of high school students and the list of colleges closing…it’s going to very likely be a tight job market.

So…find a career counselor. See what kinds of suggestions they can help you with that align with your interests.

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Some colleges will let their employees take courses at their school for free or very reduced cost, and some will let them work towards degrees and/or certificates (at least, this was true in the past). Is that something that might be available at the college where you are working?

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It is, but it is a business school. There isn’t anything communications-based, and if I were to look at an option here, it would be the MBA. Then again, I am not sure it is something I want to door or if I would do it at this college.

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Less so like a professional student; like, I do love the research aspect of it, and my thing is also that I really, really love teaching. I have prior experience with teaching. but not to the extent of higher education, if only briefly. I don’t want to teach at a younger level, as I am more intrigued by having those deeper conversations and educating adults. With my experience too as a first-gen college student and with disabilities, I know higher education is going through it right now, but it is so, so important. It has taught me so much about life and truly transformed me. I want to make that experience accessible to others while also having the impact that some profs had with me. I appreciate where you’re coming from too, and that’s why I thought an MFA would be a good starting point, as it also opens the door for me to get into publishing, another field I am interested in. I just feel this deeper purpose if that makes any sense.

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Yeah, that’s my biggest worry. The competition right now, like if I can even get in and then how will it be afterwards too? I have three years of experience in communications, so I figured that might help too.

I do want to learn more about how to incorporate it in my life right now, but with CFS, it feels like my life is tied to my current job; I wake up, work, and then I am unable to do anything else. Very Mitski-coded, Working for the Knife. I also thought of continuing my path in higher education admin-based positions, but it would also involve me getting a degree still, a masters and/or a PhD. Another thing I need to juggle is being a Canadian and being able to find employment that works with a visa then.

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An MFA is NOT a fast track to publishing. There may be folks who have achieved success in publishing with an MFA, but take a look at the course content of these programs before you conclude that this is the path you want. And I’d argue that an MBA (which you say you don’t want) is a more efficient launch pad into publishing….

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That’s exactly my dream too! But I am also deeply stubborn. Like in my mind, I am okay if the pay isn’t fantastic and if it’s a mess; I want to keep fighting for higher education but also push for change within it to make it more accessible to anyone. Like with higher education publications, all the jargon in a way gatekeeps all the discussions that occur and also does not allow others to contribute unless they fit that strict definition. I want to join writers’ groups, classes etc, but:

  • No writers’ groups around and my energy levels are with juggling a current job now (thats a tad bit of a mess)
  • The college I go to has nothing really within communications or writing; I wanted to maybe try to see if I could do adjunct and lecture, but I think with my age it’s a barrier, and it’s heavily focused in business. I also do not align with this college.

I get that too, but I think, or at least believe, that I would find the joy in that. It drives me in a way with deadlines. Like being out of college for me, like looking back, has been a lot. I miss it deeply. I also am very open to those kind of roles, but then it’s for me understanding how do I get there, what experience do I need or education.

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Sorry! I meant working within publishing. Potentially marketing there or being an editor. Is that so with an MBA? And I guess I would also be looking at fully funded MBAs then too

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I get that too, it’s not something financially stable. I think my entire life has been a struggle, so to me, it feels like nothing new.

I really want to do things like that, even at a community college level. I am just unsure how I could do that right now. You do make a very good point about being stable, because at the end of the day, that stability is everything. The world is fully capitalistic.

I really would love to do that. I tried starting my own blog and submitting my work to creative writing magazines, but I’ve had no luck. If you have any advice for that, please let me know. 100%, though I would not do an MFA if I had to pay for it; I’m only looking at fully funded programs. I’ve tried reaching out to professors in the program and seeing what I can do to better position myself for them.

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A bit off topic but you might really enjoy the book Educated by Tara Westover. It is a memoir by someone who had a really really difficult childhood and was basically denied a childhood / high school education by her family but who was immensely driven to achieve a great college/ graduate school education on her own. I found it very compelling and extremely well-written.

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YIPPEE! No, I always love a book rec. That definitely sounds up my alley. Thank you so, so much; I will be getting the book to read then!

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Actually! I think I have heard about this book before. I have been meaning to read it, because quite literally I feel like it is me. Well, in terms of past and then my current aspirations. Thank you for reminding me of it.

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And if anyone has any advice with applying for these programs or a forum better fit to ask that question, please let me know! I greatly appreciate you all!!! :smiley: