<p>So I decided to post this in the parent thread because I need help and opinions from adults.</p>
<p>Recently, I found out that one of my good friends had been molested when she was younger, between the 4th and 6th grades, by her cousin (she is 16 now). Additionally, the cousin, who is one year older than her, also did the same to his sister. Apparently, this happened around 10 times to her, and more to the sister of the cousin. </p>
<p>My problem is that I don’t know if I should tell anyone. Apparently, no one in her family knows that this has happened. My friend says that her cousin does not do those things anymore. She also told me to tell no one, but I’m worried about her and her female cousin’s mental well-being. It seems as if many things have been repressed… I’m also worried about bringing it up during the holiday season, considering her family dynamic is already pretty bad. What are some of the consequences of telling others? What would happen if I did? Is it worth it to tell adults, or should I just let it go?</p>
<p>Try to get her to tell her parents. She, the sister and the cousin will all need treatment. There is no guarantee this behavior will stop. Look at Sandusky. Please , have her get help. Secret-keeping is unhealthy.</p>
<p>Tell your mother and dad.
Your parents need to talk to your friend’s mother.
You can’t be expected to be mature enough carry the burden of this confession.</p>
<p>the problem with telling my parents is that they don’t know my friend’s parents at all. And they’re extremely uncomfortable about everything of this nature because of cultural reasons, so idk how well that’d turn out.</p>
<p>Tell tomorrow! Tell the counselor that it is an emergency and you must talk with her. Just because the boy is no longer molesting his sister and cousin does not mean he is not molesting some other young child. You Telling the counselor could keep some other child from being molested.</p>
<p>Wait. We are talking about a sixth grader “molesting” a fifth grader five years ago? This is not quite the same as an adult molesting a child. In any case, I’m not sure I see the emergency here. I think I would just let it go unless your friend wants you do say something.</p>
<p>Interested Dad, Couldn’t disagree with you more strongly. We’re talking about an older, bigger boy doing something the smaller, younger female describes as “molesting” her; this doesn’t sound at all like kid experimentation, it sounds like unwanted sexual contact by an older boy to at least two younger girls, both in his family. This is not normal kid behavior. ( And we don’t know how much younger the sister was.) </p>
<p>Helphelp – If you came onto this site to get adult advice, it is because you have a very bad feeling about what happened to your friend and her girl cousin. Trust your gut. A professional will know exactly what questions to ask and what to do in this situation. Your school GC has training for dealing with exactly this kind of situation. The GC is the person who will be able to sort this out and figure out what to do.</p>
<p>Well, I don’t know what we are talking about. My guess is that something involving a 6th grade boy and a 5th grade girl has a high probability of falling into the “experimentation” category. </p>
<p>You guys have a lot more faith in a school guidance counselor sorting things out than I do. I think this has a strong likelihood of becoming a nightmare for the girl and the boy. And, bottom line, since the girl has asked the OP not to say anything, the OP would be sticking her nose into something that is none of her business.</p>
<p>Now, if there were reason to believe that this was somehow a forced attack, then that would change the situation. But, the use of the word “molested” by a 16 old girl to describe something she only knows about second hand doesn’t really suggest that conclusion very strongly.</p>
<p>Hmmmm, I am conflicted about this but I don’t think that we have enough information to go on here. “Molested” may mean different things to different people. As interesteddad says, perhaps this fell more into the realm of experimentation - perhaps not though. Since there doesn’t seem to be an imminent threat of harm, I’m not sure I’d run and tell anyone. I think the best course of action would be to try to get your friend to speak to a counselor. Might she do that?</p>
<p>Having had a terrible experience in my own childhood, I find it outrageous that someone would even think of telling someone else’s problems. Mind you own business because you have no idea what can of worms you might open. If your friend asked you not to say anything, you should respect that and keep her confidence. You should have some understanding that she knows her family better than you do. If this was an ongoing situation, I would feel differently, but being in the past, you could put your friend in physical or emotional danger by forcing disclosure on her.</p>
<p>Who thinks the boy now a man has really stopped? I don’t. Molesters don’t just top. He may have just perfected his craft. If she doesn’t tell and she finds out he molested more and is still molesting, in think shenwould feel worse. Smetimes one has to go beyond their own pain to be sure others aren’t hurt.</p>
<p>The girl says he isn’t doing it anymore, well maybe with the two victims she knows about…</p>
<p>And experimenting, if that was it was wi ones own little sister is sick, and if he did that, don those that say ignore it really believe molesting ones sybling is fine?</p>
<p>And zoosermom, you really think he really stopped? Most molesters don’t. They move on to prey that fits their likes, so as the girls get older, they might find another younger child.</p>
<p>The victim needs to talk to someone, because, though she thinks she is okay, and the sister of the cousin, she will be in even more of a mess. </p>
<p>To the op, how is the sister of the cousin? Is she okay? </p>
<p>I am not saying disrupt a life, I am saying do all you can to get her to talk to someone.</p>
<p>And when it comes out he molested others, well</p>
<p>It’s not a question of saying anything is fine. It’s a question of someone with limited knowledge possibly making a difficult situation worse. It’s fine for you to pass judgment at your computer, but in your ignorance you could be causing real harm to a 16-year old you don’t know.</p>