<p>I need some wise words of wisdom. My DD is considering several schools in MI/OH- UMich, Miami U (OH), Hope College, GVSU and MSU. She is probably a reach for UM, but likely to get in everywhere else. The problem is that my DH is a UM grad who absolutely HATES MSU and really refuses to consider it as an option. Doesn’t want ‘that school’ to get any of our $$. I think that it could be the best school (assuming that UM is not going to be a choice) but I don’t know how to address my DH’s feelings. I am also a UM grad but don’t have the same antipathy (he played hockey for UM). FYI, she most likely will be going as an undecided…</p>
<p>My thought is you need to flat out ask your husband: will you or won’t you pay for MSU if that’s where DD gets into/picks? Both you and your daughter need to know this pretty crucial piece of information. If he says ‘no’ you may have to ask him to 1) come up with a RATIONAL explanation for your daughter, 2) come up with a RATIONAL list of schools DD can reasonably expect to get in that he’s willing to pay for.</p>
<p>When it comes push to shove, he prob will pay. But it will be a LONG 4-5 yrs…I think any other school ( well, other than OSU) would be ok. He bleeds maize and blue… I shudder to think what would happen if she meets her future husband there and he bleeds green and white…I know it seems stupid and petty but it makes for a pretty stressful college search.</p>
<p>Sorry, but it’s time for hubby to grow up. There’s nothing wrong with being an ardent fan, unless you think your team is more important than your family, which it sounds like he does. It’s just wrong of him to add stress to this already stressful phase of her life, as it would be wrong of him to make her 4 years at MSU miserable, or to harass her future boyfriend/husband.</p>
<p>Tell him to just make the checks out to “Michigan”, then you fill in the rest…</p>
<p>Seriously, he does need to grow up. This is not some stupid game, this is his daughter’s life. He really needs to consider if he’s willing to wreck his relationship with his daughter and/or wife over a sports rivalry.</p>
<p>Some people can’t seem to “grow up” about this issue.</p>
<p>As nutty as this may seem, there is a certain group of the population that somehow wraps up their identity with a team, school, etc. These are the folks that sometimes also go beyond the normal disappointment when a fav team loses, because they have somehow linked their own self-worth to a team. </p>
<p>They also need the validation to have others choose their school. Choosing a rival school in their minds invalidates their own choice.</p>
<p>My FIL was that way about Purdue, his alma mater. Instead of the normal “dang” when his team lost, he’d be in a bad mood, yell at people, etc. And, this would last for days!</p>
<p>I’m not saying that the OP’s H is like that. My point is that just telling someone to “grow up” works with people who truly CAN grow up. Those folks can accept the “wake up call” that this is about their child, and not them. Sadly, some just can’t…literally can’t. </p>
<p>If the OP thinks her H will be difficult (and won’t grow up) during the 4 years that the D would be there, I think they should try to find other schools. The D doesn’t need her dad making snide comments about her accomplishments, etc, while at MSU. Think about how upsetting that would be to D.</p>
<p>Take a good hard look at Miami. It’s more like Michigan academically than Michigan State is, and lately it has had better hockey than either of them. ;)</p>
<p>babyblue817, trust your own judgment on how to handle your DH… </p>
<p>I’m in a similar situation, except I’m playing the role of your DH…however, if my old school rejects my DD, I’ll be fine (err…maybe not fine but “ok”) with her going to a “rival” school, as long as it’s the best based on academics and cost. </p>
<p>No way I’m letting her go if better options are available! Where’s my DD?..I need to yell at her some (which she’ll just ignore…)! :)</p>
<p>Seriously, I also think rivalries need to be “good-natured”. </p>
<p>Just last week a Dodger fan was stabbed to death outside Giants stadium. I’m a Red Sox fan, but I can’t stand the way “rival fans” especially Yankees fans are abused by Red Sox fans and Fenway staff. We’ve been to games and we’ve seen Yankee fans ejected for nothing more than standing up and cheering and my kids have been afraid to stand up during the games when they were younger. In contrast, we’ve been part of Red Sox nation groups in Chicago and have been treated in a more good-natured way with just fun ribbing. </p>
<p>Frankly, I think it would be a good lesson for both DH and DD if DD went to MSU. </p>
<p>It needs to all be good-natured. If DD does go there, no way DH needs to root for MSU, and good-natured ribbing should be encouraged and expected!</p>
<p>Your DAUGHTER is going to college. Not your husband. What is important is whether your DAUGHTER really likes the college. Does your husband understand this?</p>
<p>SomeOldGuy…Miami is like Michigan? Really? You think the town of Oxford Ohio is like Ann Arbor? Really? Even the size of the schools is radically different. Umich has tons of professional and grad school programs. Not nearly the same as Miami.</p>
<p>Sorry…I don’t see much at all in similarities. Including their sports programs.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I “get” the concept of hating a university.</p>
<p>I understand not wanting to pay for four years at a school which you think doesn’t fit your kid, or where you think there is a better “academic value” elsewhere, or where you believe the school is a lot of hype and not a lot of intellectual inquiry. (We worked with our kids to eliminate those schools from the list.)</p>
<p>So if your H is deadset against your D attending a certain school, or a bunch of schools, I think your D is within her rights to ask him to articulate his reasons, leaving out whatever emotional ties he has to some sports rivalry. If he can make a case for why- then great. If not- well, we don’t always end up loving every school where our kids apply.</p>
<p>H had a bunch of schools he considered “Majoring in Beer Pong” type of places. But when push came to shove, he was able to articulate why he felt that- low graduation rates, Frats ran the social life, little to do on weekends besides attend sporting events and drink. But he didn’t get to veto otherwise legitimate choices on the list just because he once knew a guy who went there who was a party animal. That didn’t fly. But if your H has legitimate academic and environmental issues and why a college might not fit your D? Maybe he’s got a point.</p>
<p>babyblue87 ~ I chose MSU over UM and it took a very long time for my parents to find peace (I’m in my 50’s) I had very mature reasons. I knew I could take a greater variety of classes at MSU. I wanted to try business classes. I had been accepted into the College of Education at UM but had decided -when May came- that I didn’t want to be a teacher. I knew myself much better than my parents. I knew it was not likely that I would get in to UM’s very competitive Business School. I knew so much more than my parents, really. I would have been the only one in the family to go to UM for undergrad. We have a bunch of UM lawyers in the family. They really had no knowledge of the UM undergrad experience.</p>
<p>Anyway, encourage your daughter to make her own decision. It will be a tremendous growth opportunity for you daughter to launch on her own, in her own direction.</p>