HELP! My parents are making me go to a college I don't want to attend!

Applying to College
1

Hello everyone. I am a senior from Charlotte, NC and I really need your help. First off, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a biomedical engineer. Probably since I was about 12 years old. I’ve always been mesmerized by prosthetics and medical technology. My dad is a Georgia Tech alumnus so naturally, I’ve wanted to go there my entire life.

Surprisingly enough, I got into Georgia Tech! I also was accepted to UNC chapel hill, NC State, Clemson, USC (in state tuition), Virginia Tech, and Appalachian State.

Now, my parents shut me down about Georgia Tech almost immediately after my acceptance. It’s slightly understandable with the cost of out of state tuition, but considering our household avg income is between 600 and 700k, it was dissapointing. Somehow, new cars and dozens of european vacations are important to my parents, but not my education.

So my next best shot was NC State… but then there was a problem.

Well, I got a full scholarship to Appalachian State, and my parents are essentially forcing me to go there. They have already put in the deposit and accepted the scholarship. App State does NOT have engineering at all. They tell me just to major in physics and get a graduate degree in engineering, but I don’t want to do that…

Any time I try to talk to them about this they lash out in anger. I am civil, I tell them that I wish to do engineering because it is completely different than physics. Then they pull some numbers out and tell me how much more physicists make than engineers supposedly. Then they accuse me of being selfish for asking to go a college that… costs money. I have tried to explain to them that a degree from one school isn’t the same as one from another, but they don’t understand.

I really don’t know what to do. I have become severely depressed and simply crawl into a ball and cry every day. It feels like all my hard work is going to nothing, and my dreams are being taken away from me. (Gross, I know that sounds mellodramatic)

I have had meetings set up with my counselor but they refuse to show up. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please give me any possible advice!

2

I’m so sorry to read this. You must have very good stats. How did your parents accept your App State scholarship - do they have access to your portal (or whatever App State uses?). Or was it something they mailed in?

It’s very easy to overestimate your parent’s net worth. You may not be aware of financial issues they are having.

I’m not sure what your options are, and I’m hoping more experienced CCers chime in here.

The only other thing I can think to do is to take a gap year, work as many hours as you can, and re-apply to full-ride or full tuition schools (there is a link that people on CC always post). For a full-tuition school, you could pick up limited loan dollars on your own (plus your gap year earnings) to cover the balance for room and board.

Try to stay focused on your options and the choices you have in front of you. It won’t help to crumble into a mess (though it’s certainly understandable to a certain extent).

3

If I were in your shoes I’d be sure my parents understood what I wanted. Then I’d talk to my guidence counselor. NO, I disagree with the statement “It’s very easy to overestimate your parent’s net worth.”. I think most students know the extent to which their parents are stressed financially. A few fewer trips to Europe would pay for Georgia. Have your guidence counselor talk to your parents. It may be their money but it is your life. And if you want engineering you really do have to go to a school that offers it. You can’t muddle together a curriculum at a school without an engineering problem. Do you have any savings? I’d respect one of my kids if she or he told me that he/she would not attend at all if the choice was spending 4 years not studying engineering in a college or passing.

4

Dude its your education, don’t listen to your parents if you feel like it’s going to ruin your entire life. This is a huge decision that the’re making on your behalf. It’s not up to them, it’s up to you to decide the rest of your life. Try to get them to understand why you want to go to Georgia Tech to become an engineer. If they still disagree, and you truly feel like this is what you want, ignore them and fund yourself.

With that being said, you have to consider why your dad want to Georgia Tech and doesn’t want you to go there. There has to be some logical reason. When I first read “My dad is a Georgia Tech alumnus” I thought your parents were forcing you to go to Georgia Tech since naturally parents want their kids to be like them (if the’re successful in life that is). You have to understand, your dad has much more experience than you do. Try asking them why your dad went to Georgia Tech, but doesn’t want you to go.

5

@FutureMathLegend, are you going to write the checks to pay the OP’s tuition? Unless you are, it is pretty tough for the OP to “fund himself”.

OP, do you have the stats for large awards at schools like Alabama if you take a gap year? And what is your next cheapest choice that has engineering? If you take out federal loans and work summers & part time during the year, can you get the costs close to where they want you to go?

6

Do they understand that engineering is primarily an undergrad degree? Maybe they think it’s like med school, where your undergrad isn’t particularly relevant so long as you did well.

Any engineers lurking about? Is going from a physics undergrad to engineering grad school even a viable path?

7

@FutureMathLegend It’s the money. My dad grew up in Georgia and also college was much cheaper back then. I think that’s also why the struggle with translating the cost of college currently. They just see any university as ridiculously priced (which they are, but that’s gonna be anywhere)

8

@intparent I have good stats in my opinion. A’s across the board, 2240 SAT, sports, honor societies, etc. My next best shot was NC state, since I’d have in-state tuition. However, it is difficult for me to get financial aid because my parents make a good amount of money, and I’m not declared independent (I don’t turn 18 until June). I was considering just transferring from App State, but I’m so afraid of doing that. I have terrible depression and social anxiety, and having to start over TWICE just frightens me. Also I feel like I would be behind in my education if I did that.

9

It seems like there was no honest family talk about college money before application season. Had there been, you would have known before application season that you needed a full ride and could have built a merit-seeking application list of schools that offer your desired major. Did your parents lead you to believe that money was not a constraint on your college choices before now?

It is true that biomedical engineering is not great for job prospects at the bachelor’s level. Some more traditional types of engineering like mechanical and materials may also be applicable to prosthetics.

10

http://automaticfulltuition.yolasite.com/ has some full ride schools with engineering; what kind of stats do you have? However, many of them are past deadline (or were first come first served and may have run out).

11

@ucbalumnus Unfortunately you are correct on that one. It’s always just been “You can go wherever you want!” My parents often joked about money but never told me that they would simply not be able to afford an out of state school. Also, they would be fine with paying for NC state, an in-state school for me, but it’s just that they think they’re getting a better “deal” sending me to App State. Money is not a constraint for us, it is simply them not feeling comfortable paying that much. I understand. Some people see the value of education differently than others. I certainly wouldn’t want my parents to go broke to pay for some school like Duke, as I have seen many families do before. But I just wish they would think my college is worth more than what they think.

12

So if they want to save money, why are they wanting to send you somewhere you’d have to go to grad school afterwards? Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but most engineers get by fine with just a bachelors.

13

So, I think you have a few options. First of course would be to go to App State, but I’m not sure I would necessarily recommend that if you want biomedical engineering. The second would be to accept NC State and then ask for a gap year. During that year, you could both apply to other schools that might offer full scholarships for your stats and see if you could work and make money and convince your parents to pay at least a little or loan you some money to attend NC State. Or you could see if any of the schools offering full rides for your stats still have openings this year. And finally, you could continue to speak to your parents about the situation -for example, if they are suggesting a graduate degree in engineering, that might cost money - have they considered that? Explain that you will borrow the maximum possible each year ($5500 the first year, $6500 as a sophomore and $7500 as a junior and senior) if they insist and that you will try and get a campus and summer job if needed. It appears that NC State only costs $23,000 for in-state students - your parents might only need to pay $75,000 or so over a 4-year period.

And have you spoken to NC State about your situation? Is there any chance you could get some type of merit scholarship (they do seem to offer some merit money for engineering students)?

14

No, its not. Some colleges will allow you to enroll for a second BS, but this is rare. More common is being conditionally accepted to grad school, but before you enter the MS or PhD program you have to make up pretty much all the engineering classes you missed. The good news is that with a physics major you’d have the lower-division math & science out of the way, but it would still take about 2 years to get ready for grad classes.

My advice to the OP is to see if there is any room left to negotiate. Before you try any more, read thru the book “Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life” by Stuart Diamond. Note the title is getting more, not getting your way. It won’t always work. You can get a quick sense of his approach at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8NQ24VGbRU Of course I’m not Diamond, but my suggestion is to start with his idea that when power is unequal, start with standards. Here the relevant standard is: how should you pick a college? Maybe they don’t really want you to be an engineer, but assuming they do, they’ve suggested a path: physics → grad school. So work with them to investigate it with an open mind. Who would they trust? Ask them. The negotiation is about them, not you. Perhaps they’d be amenable to you & them paying a visit to the engineering grad adviser at NC State and get her/his thoughts on this approach. Or whoever they would trust.

See the difference here? Right now you’re butting heads. Try to turn it into a situation where you work together to an outcome everyone wants. Maybe the grad advisor says people do it all the time (which would be a surprise to me, but nevermind), and then you can do it with a clear conscience. Or maybe she laughs and says “you want to be an engineer, go to engineering school!” The point is they are going to have a much harder time disavowing the advice of someone they agreed in advance was an expert, compared to a HS kid full of emotion and demanding they open their wallet.

While worth a try, time is short. It would have been better to get into agreement on college choice months ago. And my bet would be at this time everyone has dug in their heels and change isn’t possible.

But even if you don’t prevail here, you are not out of options. I know someone that went into the Navy, served a few years, saw the world, got great technician training, then after graduating used GI benefits and got an engineering degree from Cal. And there are other options if you think about it. Maybe its not the easy path you hoped for and that your parents appear able to afford, but if you really want to then you can make an engineering degree happen.

15

@mikemac Thank you very much for the help. I see you have somewhat a sense how how difficult this situation is for me. I’ll definitely try some of your suggestions.

16

What was the financial picture at your other great options? Is there an alternative you might both like still on the table?

17

Are you a NMF?

Don’t go to App State. You’d be better off doing a gap year and then applying to schools that would give you huge merit.

an alternative would be for you to QUICKLY send an app to UAB. They have a find BioMedE major and they are STILL awarding large merit. You might get as much as you did from App State.

At least, if you got a large award from UAB, you could be going to a school that DOES have BioMedE.

What is your M+CR SAT?

What EXACTLY did App state award you??? Free tuition? more??? What?

18

Can you clarify? In one post you say that you have a 2240 …is that a super score?

In another very recent thread, you wrote:

Accepted
Asian (adopted) female, OOS, Biomedical engineering,
SAT 2140 (710CR, 680M, 750W)
no SAT IIs
no community service
ECs: VP of German honor society, founded a fitness and health club, snhs, mhs, hosa
awards: 1st place at a physics competition, national German exam honorable mention, junior marshal, ap scholar

What is your M+CR SAT score from ONE sitting?

What is your career goal as a BioMedE?

Are your parents engineers? physicians?

19

If you are a NC resident I would think one of your other NC schools would be doable with loans and work. You made a statement about being independent at age 18. You will not be able to pull that off. You are dependent until age 24 as far as financial aid is concerned. You would be independent if you were a ward of the court after age 13 or both your parents were dead.

We have several neighbors in the Outer Banks who send their kids to Appalachian State. I get the impression that a huge number of the beach graduating class is admitted and it’s a party school. Not that there is anything wrong with party schools. It’s just that NC State and especially UNC have such good reputations. I would probably defer one of them a year and get a full time job to help fund school. Your parents have no right to accept a scholarship and commit for you. How did they do that?

I’m brainstorming for funds for you. Have you looked into ROTC? Also NC National Guard will pay $4515 of your tuition per year if you join.
http://www.cfnc.org/Gateway?command=GetProgramDetail&type=3&id=56

You might also look around the CFNC.org site to see if anything else might help. Good luck.

20

If Appalachian State does not have Biomedical Engineering or Engineering in General, why did you apply to this institution in the first place? What is the extent of the “full” scholarship to Appalachian State? Is it a full ride (Tuition/Fees, Room & Board, Books, etc.)?

What about a compromise solution? Attend Appalachian State (or local Community College???) for two years and transfer to NC State or Georgia tech for the remaining two 2 years to complete your engineering degree? Can you float that proposition to your parents?