<p>alpha2018, Thank you for that very eloquent window into the world of the WOW-addict.</p>
<p>I’ve gone through the first couple of pages of this thread and I’ll just post my thoughts. I don’t have time to go through this whole thread… I have to play some games.</p>
<p>You 'copter parents are freaking out for no reason.</p>
<p>It’s not the drug or game that is preventing your kids from doing what they have to do. It’s their personality or character. Warcraft isn’t the problem. Your kid’s the problem. So if you want them to get better… you have to TEACH them to get their stuff done before playing the games… not just cut out the games forever.</p>
<p>Compromise. Give them a schedule for applications and tell them to follow it and they can play games while doing what they have to do. The game could be as boring and simple as pacman… it’s our nature to procrastinate.</p>
<p>Good luck. It’s a miracle I made it through college, through the GMAT, and through my business school applications…back to my games. :)</p>
<p>Alpha2018, that was a very useful post.</p>
<p>Homesizzle, you missed the whole point. This isn’t about procrastinating on homework and college apps. It’s about an outgoing, sociable boy who has started spending all his time in his room, his grades have dropped, and his whole personality has changed - and he admits its for the worse. </p>
<p>See post 143. Citygirlmom is right.</p>
<p>It’s not about blaming WOW or cigs or drugs.</p>
<p>It’s about owning up to an addicting personality and changing the underlying ways and not the outside influence.</p>
<p>I’ve enjoyed reading the posts from WOW players explaining the game and the game mindset. As a Mom of a former WOW addict, that was interesting. For the young adults that have posted with their patronizing suggestions without taking the time to even read the thread or bring an ounce of empathy to the forum - go back to the other college forums. On this, the parents board, we assume from the opening post that the adult is intelligent and has covered the basic solutions.</p>
<h2>“It’s not about blaming WOW or cigs or drugs. It’s about owning up to an addicting personality and changing the underlying ways and not the outside influence.”</h2>
<p>duh homesizzle. I think that point has been made repeatedly throughout this thread which you really SHOULD take the time to read before popping in with your blather about " 'copter parents ".</p>
<p>Alpha thank you so much for that fantastic post, it was by far the best description of the game I have received to date considering it came from someone so familiar with the game. You are right, it just doesn’t have room for a “gray” area, its yes or no period ESPECIALLY in one’s junior or senior year when they have A LOT of work and have to be extra vigilant with their work.
Homesizzle this comment:
Compromise. Give them a schedule for applications and tell them to follow it and they can play games while doing what they have to do. The game could be as boring and simple as pacman… it’s our nature to procrastinate.</p>
<p>With all due respect was possibly appropriate for someone mildly addicted, or when he first started playing. Apparently you are not fully aware how serious of an addiction this was/is on a lesser level. It is WAY BEYOND the compromise stage. I am not here to be my son’s friend, its taken me 15 years to realize this but to be his parent, his guide through life until he is 18. To recognize as the adult with wisdom and experience, that there are some things in life that are harmful and detrimental to their well being and growth. Alcohol, drugs, video game addiction, etc…are all non negotible behaviors that I simply cannot allow. Pure and simple. He can hate me all he wants, I know this will pass. I hated my own parents (not really hated) but you know what I mean, for what seems like most of my teen years, when I became 18-19 I suddenly “got what they had been saying all those years”. Today I have the utmost respect for my “strict parents” who disciplined me BECAUSE they love me. Its much easier to say yes than it is to say no. I have spent years saying yes, wanting my kids to “like me”. I am over that, been there, done that.
I saw where it got me! In the end, I know he will respect me more for it and one day even thank me, for this I am confident. It could take awhile but I can deal with it. This whole nightmare of a situation somewhat “hardened” me but in a good way. My resolve is strong and I am in charge and its my house, my rules. I know what is good and right for him. Believe me, once he sits in his room for hours without the game to take him away, he will get bord and therefore start socializing, which is what happened last night. I didn’t love the kid he hung with, a major partyer BUT was so happy to see him get in the car and go out and have real live interaction that I didn’t say a word, I have to pick my battles right now.
While I truly respect everyone’s opinion and realize we will not all see this from the same perspective, in my heart I know I am doing the right thing. I will not allow him to become a “statistic” that so many have so generously and sadly told us about on this thread. Knowledge is power, if I am helping even one other parent out there to prevent what happened with us to happening to their child, I will feel validated for having posted this thread. Furthermore, with regard to my own situation, I am eternally grateful for the endless amounts of support and guidance here, believe me you really helped to empower me to stay strong. I thank all those that have pm’d me as well, thanks for sharing your stories and I hope 2008 will be a better year for all of us, one filled with peace, love and happiness!!</p>
<p>I can honestly say as someone who was hooked on an online game once
(not warcraft but i guess i displayed some of the same symptoms)
the weird thing is that i had never really shown a keen interest before or after it that there are a few things that will keep him from going back</p>
<p>1st The first days are the hardest ALWAYS I myself (this was during a summer) played 6 or 7 hours a day and even after my parents finally got me to stop for the first week or so i had a great urge to go back and say hi and play again the way i managed to regulate myself was, believe it or not, to play pokemon
i had recently bought it (hadn’t really played it though) and that instead of the online game(which never ends so you can essentially play forever) began to occupy my time, slowly i began to beat it and began playing less and less and eventually just became a casual gamer</p>
<p>2 CUT IT OFF COLD TURKEY
In a situation like this you have to treat it as a drug(And it is in some way) if he’s involved in it at any time it will escalate again and you’ll be back at step one, no matter what make sure that he does not play anymore </p>
<p>3 Keep him busy
A bored kid is an online game addicted kid. Make him do some community service or get a job either way if he’s constantly busy he won’t have to desire warcraft. </p>
<p>Also keep in mind that friendships made on online games are not necessarily bad. He probably has an msn(most gamers do or AIM or something of the sort) but one thing that will probably drive him back is that he wants to talk to some of his online buddies. Don’t try to eliminate communication from them (makes sure they don’t really pressure him to get back into the game though, but if he explains to them that he’s quitting most will understand) because they can really be good friends. I myself still talk to people i met over a year to go online (they probably share other interests than warcraft) and talking to them may be a good way for him to transition out of it because one of the main aspect of games like this is social interaction</p>
<p>4 Eventually he like I was will begin to think What the Hell was i thinking wasting my time on a stupid game Every once in a while he may want to play something online( I dunno but i think First Person Shooters online are much less addictive, or something without a leveling system (kids tend to level “grind” and spend hours at a time on it)</p>
<p>But most importantly and in some way or another you have to get him to realize what he’s doing is affecting your and his life. A strong medicine is guilt that makes you reflect (every time i think about playing the game again, i begin to feel guilty and the desire begins to fade) also remember that this is not the time for you to critical on him. Words like addict are not something that anyone likes to hear. So ( i’m not really sure how to explain it) make it seem that you’re not there to judge him for what he’s done and label him as someone who is addicted, but instead just say that he’s made mistakes just like everyone else has.</p>
<p>he’s probably just caught up in the game and thinks that making him stop will ruin his life (Which it kind of will seeing as how the game is a large part of it ) but just remember it’s all for the best, don’t let him win the fights and if it comes down to it cut off your internet or go down to dial up (he won’t be able to play with that)Trust me at first he’ll be extremely angry and act like he hates you, but eventually he’ll agree with you and appreciate you all the more for it.
I am thankful every day that my parents intervened before i screwed up my life and my GPA and soon enough your son will too.</p>
<p>some people on here have offered great advice, just remember to be authoritative and loving.</p>
<p>I haven’t had the chance to read through the entire thread yet, but from someone who’s familiar with the game, there ARE parental control options. There’s a monthly fee associated with WoW, and if you’re credit card holder, you can go to [Blizzard</a> Downloads](<a href=“Getting Started on your Free Trial”>Getting Started on your Free Trial)</p>
<p>You need to get him off this game before he gets to college. I’m at a good school right now, and I know people who play it. It kills them academically (and socially). Do what it takes, and know that in the end, he’ll thank you for it, haha.</p>
<p>And yet again, another reason to read the thread before posting advice…</p>
<p>Ha, I knew there was a reason I stopped posting on this forum.</p>
<p>Hi well I wish I could say there is good news, unfortunately again he did not go to school, this is like the 13th Monday in a row he has missed, I can’t say its because he was playing the game though he took his brothers comp while I was out on Sat. and apparently played for a bit, he spent the weekend goofing off, and supposedbly had a tremendous amount of work which never got done, and today woke up telling my husband that he had a stomach ache. BALONEY. I litearlly am not talking to him, I so don’t believe or trust him, that he litearlly repulses me right now. On Sat. night we had a heated much escalated argument, he threw the phone off the wall, and threw a few items around, he was very very rageful and frankly it was frightening. During the day is when he snuck to play the game, and sure enough his mean and scary temper showed its ugly self that night. I am telling you, the correlation between these horrible mood swings/anger and the game, is not accident. At least in him it brings out the absolute worst.
I sit here typing this with tears in my eyes because I really am starting to realize that my sons senior year might not conclude the way we hoped. At the rate we are going I am afraid we may look into sending him away. THere is no motivation, no drive, no interest in anything, this game seems to have sucked the life and anything positive out of him. Furthermore its really upsetting the whole household, my stomach is in a perpetual knot, I have frequent headaches, I am edgy and the tension is at an all time high. My daughter who is really social said she doesn’t want to have her friends over in case there is another “shouting match” over this nonsense of the last four months.
As a result, she is out more than ever, I think to escape it. That is not fair to her, myself, my husband and my other son. Its just terrible.
I have contacted all the teachers and requested a sitdown meeting, to find out just where he is in school, with grades, missing homework assignements,etc…to find out just how far behind he might be. I guess once that happens, we will discuss the next plan of action.
If anyone dares come on here to tell me the game is harmless, its not the game, its him…PLEASE I ASK YOU IN ADVANCE, JUST DON’T POST, IT WILL TRULY IRRITATE ME MORE THAN I NEED RIGHT NOW.</p>
<p>I am so convinced that this game is evil and disrupts a person’s life. You dont’ have to look far to see how many innocent lives it has turned upside down.:(</p>
<p>ctmom, I’m so sorry things haven’t been going well lately. I think that talking to your son’s teachers and counselor is an excellent idea. They might be able to give you additional feedback and advice. I’d use all the resources at my disposal, at this point. Are there any other mentors in your sons life? Scout leaders, coaches, friend’s dad that he respects a lot, uncle, pastor, etc? If so, I’d talk to them, ask their advice. Maybe your son would be more receptive to someone other than mom and dad, if it’s someone he respects and likes. I once asked my sons coach, who was also the dean, to talk to my son about an issue when he was around 15.</p>
<p>I actually think we are going to ask my uncle, to whom my son is close and defenitely respects, and is even a little fearful of him, in terms of disappointing him, etc…he would be so embarrassed if he knew that he knows most of what has been going on, and on top of that he is very disciplined, and raised two sons and did an outstanding job, they are both very successful confident adults. He is a retired middle school teacher and was well respected within the community as a mentor for many young kids. We never really thought we would have to ask for someone to come into the house for a few weeks to oversee this, but frankly at this point we are getting desperate and the last resort is of course having to send him away so this would be one more step that we would try before resorting to desperate measures. My husband is calling him tonight to discuss, we will see. Its a big sacrifice for him to ask him to come here for x amount of days, but he is the kind of person who would do it because he genuinely wants to help and he is quite concerned as well and angry at him too for doing this to our family. In the meantime we will be meeting with his teachers in the next day or two. I am physicaly and emotionally super drained, I cannot tell you. I need a really good nights rest, so am turning in early tonight, my sister is coming over to handle the household, and said for me to close my door and call it a night. I am so angry at him for having done this to our household, to me and to himself. Its funny you go through this huge range of emotions…sadness, sympathy,hope, and now its anger. I am angry and resentful towards him, I can barely look at him…he makes me feel so frustrated. I will continue to post and update, I really hope I will have some encouraging words to share with you all soon. Thanks for listening and reading!</p>
<p>What do you mean by “send him away”? When will he be 18?</p>
<p>So sorry to hear this. Your stress levels must be sky high. I can’t remember where you are in the process of looking into counseling. I’m wondering if you might want to look for someone who does family therapy. This is affecting all of you so strongly, maybe someone who is trained to work with a whole family system might help.</p>
<p>About the stomach ache - my guess would be that he really did feel sick, probably from anxiety. (Small example - my son used to get very bad, very real stomach aches before swim lessons.) Stress can definitely make people physically sick, and your son must be feeling at least as stressed out as the rest of the family because of the turmoil around his game-playing. It might help to defuse things to try to feel sympathy for your son’s unhappiness and to ask for his sympathy with yours, even when you’re both still angry. It doesn’t make the conflict go away, but I think it can make dealing with the conflict less painful.</p>
<p>Although it’s understandable that you find a lot to dislike in the game, it could be more helpful to your son in the long run to talk with him about it within a more general context of addictive behavior. If he can start to understand what it is about the combination of this particular game, his personality, and his current life circumstances that gives it such a powerful draw for him, then he might be better equipped to recognize a similar combination that might come up in the future. When the game itself is characterized as evil, he doesn’t get to learn anything about himself - it’s all about the game.</p>
<p>Calreader, your comments I realize are genuine and well meant however we have been there, done that, I have gone full circle from being caring, concerned, sitting to hear him talk about the game, etc…however when you are emotionally abused the way I have been by someone who manipulates so well, you become a bit wiser. NO he did not have a stomach ache, within an hour he confessed he did not do his homework AGAIN, he seems to have mysterious ailment every Monday morning! He is not feeling the stress level I am, I can assure you. He has turned into a liar and is very manipulative to get what he wants, the same that a drug dealer will steal and lie to get his drugs. At this point the game is still an issue but we are dealing more with the repurcussions from the game and addictive behaviors. It is really not something the average person could relate to unless you lived through it yourself and saw what I am talking about…I wish it on no one. I really appreciate your input, and if its wasn’t as serious as it had been, perhaps that approach could have been successful but its far beyond that.</p>
<p>Op</p>
<p>This is clearly an addiction whether the American Psychological Association is ready to call it one or not. My heart goes out to you. I think it’s great that you’re reaching out for family support. I still am wondering about the professional support from practitioners who understand this problem. I think I remember you were working on this. I hope you can take a little mental/emotional break if even for one night. This is rough stuff. And as a mother who totally loves my son, I can relate to your feeling of revulsion. This is just rough and we are with you.</p>