<p>ctmomof3, has he been to a medically trained psychiatrist or a counselor? There is a very big difference between the two. I don’t want to sound harsh and I am truly sorry if you are taking my post that way. I can see that you love him greatly. I’m just very concerned that he needs a psychiatric medical evaluation–not that of the local counselor. The longer the underlying problems are not addressed, the deeper the problems will become. PROFESSIONAL help is needed and with it, his life will become much better. Take care.</p>
<p>P.S. Books are great but it’s time to take him for a real psychiatric evaluation. The psychiatrist will talk with you alone, then him alone, and then both of you together. Stop procrastinating–this is about HIS quality of life. Is this about him or you? Forget about local counselors and pastors, take charge, be the parent, be strong, and find out what the ROOT of the problem is. Stop blaming the video game and stop the excuses. Please, for your sons future–bring him to a psychiatrist and let the professional (M.D.) help.</p>
<p>MDs are not the only professionals capable of evaluating and helping people. I’m not saying a psychiatric eval is a bad idea, but the implication that only MDs can competently evaluate and treat is just false.</p>
<p>I was not advocating the books instead of professional help, just as an additional resource that I have found helpful. I disagree that a psychiatrist is needed, necessarily. I see no reason that a skilled non-MD therapist (psychologist or MSW) would not be as qualified as a psychiatrist to help ctmom’s son in this situation. If it seems at some point that medication would be helpful, then an MD could be consulted to manage this. </p>
<p>ctmom is NOT procrastinating! And she is not making this about herself. She is being the parent, being strong, taking charge, etc.</p>
<p>Ctmom, your description of bailing out your son really struck a chord with me. In retrospect, I think the biggest mistake we made with our DD is never making her fully deal with the consequences of her actions. When she would blow off a project until the last minute in high school, we would jump in and stay up with her all night to make sure she got it done. When she insulted a teacher and got into a shouting match, we intervened and had her reassigned to another class. We would not allow her to fail. Same story in college.
When our DD graduated from college with a good GPA and landed a job with a reputable firm, we let out a sigh of relief and considered our job done. However, once she was no longer under our care, she took up her old habits and was fired within a year. Now she’s been struggling for a while and is showing signs of becoming more responsible.
Maybe people do have to hit rock bottom before they change their ways, but who among us can bear to stand by and let it happen? This is not an age at which people are afforded second chances. Still, if I had it to do over, I would prefer to have the bad times come earlier than later. As others have pointed out, the silver lining is that this is happening before your son enters college, so perhaps it can be addressed before there are long-term consequences. Best wishes…</p>
<p>As an MD, I agree that one can get good help from professionals that are not MD’s. A PhD/Psychologist may not be able to write prescriptions, but can otherwise provide nearly the same level of evaluation and counseling. And they are a good place to start when one is hesitant about meds anyway. Most work closely with an MD for those patients who might eventually benefit from meds, and will refer when that is indicated. Not all MSW’s are as consistantly well trained, but might work if they practice within a context of a group of PhD’s or MD’s. </p>
<p>I will get of the al-anon bandwagon, but as a very wonderful and loving parent, you have enabled him in ways, and you are now understanding this. Continue the love, and learn how to support without enabling. As a physician and a care-giver, I came to understand that I was also a wonderful enabler. I eventually learned how to love without enabling. </p>
<p>You are becoming very insightful. Continue the tough love, and remember that you also need love and care during this ordeal.</p>
<p>sorry, I don’t agree. There is a HUGE difference between a psychiatrist and a counselor. First you need the proper diagnosis by the psychiatrist and after a time with him, then you can follow up with the lay person counselor. Until you do this right, your lives will be a living hell. Sorry–but that’s the truth. You can disagree with me. That’s OK. You’re not hurting my feelings. Based on the postings, it sounded as though your son is in dire straights and you were in need of support, help, and advice. Rather than looking to a website for support and advice, talk with his friends, talk with your friends, talk with his teachers, and get him evaluated by a psychiatrist. There is a difference. This is much more complicated than a video game problem. You keep blaming the game. Get off the computer, call for an appointment, get the proper diagnosis from the psychiatrist (yes, this is what he specializes in and is board certified and went through medical school and more), and really help your son. Stop looking for attention and sympathy and get out of the house and get the proper help. Your lives will get better and he deserves a proper medical evaluation and help. Sorry I sound so harsh but no one else seems to want to say what needs to be said for fear of upsetting you. It will get better just get a proper diagnosis. You may not want to hear that it has less to do with the video game and more to do with other problems. Get the right help and your lives will be much more fulfilling and enjoyable.</p>
<p>First off, your tone and words are highly offensive. Perhaps you are intending to give me your own dose of “tough love” but believe me, it will not resignate with me one bit. You seem to think the answer is a psychiatrist and I respect that this is your opinion. It is however, not mine. We are dealing with a very reputable psychologist who he is very comfortable talking to, so far. That is most important. I am also not of the ilk that is a big fan of medications nor do I think my son needs them. I know him better than anyone and I see that it is THE GAME with which all of this started. </p>
<p>With all due respect, you are ASSUMING a great deal. How do you know if I haven’t talked to his friends, his teachers, and his advisor? For the record, I have, and have another meeting with teachers this afternoon. I am very much on top of this and have spoken to a well known psychiatrist in Indiana who has a lot of experience with this and it was his advise to first find a local psychologist who my son can connect to and open up to. He said unless there is some sort of chemical imbalance, depression,etc…medications do not sound necessary at this time. That is what we did and so far I am feeling cautiously optimistic about his dealings with my son.
I do not at all agree with much of what you said, including coming to the board looking for sympathy and attention. I am a very private person and coming here to vent was not my original plan,it was to find and illicit some insight from others who possibly had a similiar experience with themselves or their kids. As it turns out, I came across a number of people who took interest in this situation and yes they have been wonderful and I have learned something from each one and they have offered me a certain sense of empowerment that frankly I didn’t feel before hand. This COUPLED with the psychologist we are seeing and my uncle coming in on Friday to help “get him on track” are all positive steps that I believe will result in getting him back to the person he was a few months ago. I DO BLAME THE GAME. There is nothing in this world that will prompt me think otherwise. I have seen firsthand the effects of this game in addition to speaking to a host of people, doctors, ex addicts,etc…who have backed up my original theory that this can corrupt even a normal functioning teenage mind. I am not asking for someone else’s theory and if you elect to share yours, hey its a free world but it has no effect on what i have seen happen here in the last few months.
For the record once again, I am on the computer because I run a business largely based on being on the computer from my home office, so again don’t be too quick to judge…and yes, you do come across sounding harsh. Without knowing the facts, you really should reserve judgement or at least learn a little about proper etiquette/editing your harshness. You might mean well and I thank you in advance if you do, but I feel like what we have taken the steps to do in recent weeks are all the proactive steps we can manage to take at this time.</p>
<p>nysmile,
With all due respect, a psychiatrist is not necessarily the best or appropriate answer for ctmom’s s. Now, full disclosure here-- I am a clinical psychologist, and I do not know if you are an MD or not. Where I am, unfortunately due in part to the state of the healthcare system these days, few psychiatrists will do what you describe. Few will see the adolescent alone, the parent alone and then both together in the first visit, unless (1) the teen is willing to allow it and (2) each of these 3 steps is very brief. Unfortunately, unless a psychiatrist does not accept insurance (which is more common these days), fewer and fewer psychiatrists do more than med management these days. A psychologist is an appropriate direction for CTmom and her son, and this is the direction she is pursuing. I always say, the best solution to a problem is first recognizing that there is one. Sounds like CTmom is already there on this point, and tryng to get her son there too. I am sure you are trying to be helpful, but you might want to back off a bit. Ctmom sounds like she is in enough pain. Hitting her with a 2 by 4 isn’t going to help.</p>
<p>I’d like to echo sunnyflorida’s recommendation about al-anon. I went to al-anon meetings for about a year over 20 years ago, to deal with lingering effects of having grown up in a house with two alcoholic parents. It helped me tremendously, and I don’t think anything else would have worked as well. I know that it is alcoholism and not video game addiction, but the general principals are so similar that I think it might be helpful. It’s easy to do and free, and might be worth a try if you have the time.</p>
<p>ctmomof3, This was exactly the response that I expected from you. I’m happy for your son that you realize there is a problem. But please don’t get so defensive when others don’t agree with your analysis of your sons problem. We are looking at the picture you have painted here, and viewing it as objective people who do not have personal ties to the situation. I’m wishing you great successes in helping him and peace with your home and family. I still believe there is more going on with him than a video game obsession. Peace and good luck. bye</p>
<p>As I said I understand you have your own opinion and certainly respect it but perhaps you should look back at your own post and see how you might have come across. Three people pm’d me to voice their “disgust” (their word not mine) over how insensitive and harsh your post came across. I didn’t take personal offense but have to say it did come across almost in a belittling way, whether or not you meant it that way. I am not sure what you mean when you say you expected that response, but suffice to say I feel confident that we are doing what we need to do RIGHT NOW. Who knows what will happen in the future, but right now upon advice from three psychologist’s that I trust and who are pioneers in this arena and know far more than I am sure you or I, have suggested the first place to start is with a well known seasoned psychologist’s who my son likes and feel comfortable with and that is exactly what we are doing amongst other things. I am not defensive about your not agreeing with me, but was more defensive about your not knowing the situation as well as you think you know it and mostly about your judgments against me about 1. coming here for sympathy and attention which is so wrong and 2. that I sit on my computer all day trying to illicit professional advice from parents on this forum instead of seeking “real help” when you were wrong and we have done so as of a few weeks ago. So all I am saying is just know the facts and don’t judge too quickly before you offer such opinionated advice. Thanks for your good luck wishes, I sure hope I can report some good news in the near future.</p>
<p>I am a Board Certified Child Psychiatrist, I do think our expertise goes beyond meds/no meds, “chemical imbalamce/no chemical imbalance”. I do take insurance, I DO see kids and parents seperately and together for 50 minutes each, and I do therapy as well ( I make less money but oh well). I DO feel it is often hard to get a good evaluation, but I don’t think that is unique to a specific credential. I would avoid someone whose credential is “counselor”, but a good phD can be spectacular. I think forum medical advice is one of the banes of my existance( but hey, this is not about me).</p>
<p>This is not about me either. I’m a PhD psychologist. I know “lesser” trained counselors who are amazing and 12 step people who would blow anyone else out of the water, depending on what’s needed. There are also moments when a psychiatrist, the right psychiatrist, is indispensible. I feel like the OP has found a good place to start.</p>
<p>Bottom line, is everyone has to do what feels right to them. It really is impossible for anyone to fully understand what we have gone through unless they themselves have gone through a very similiar situation, and then you can get what I have been saying. We are doing what we feel is the right thing and so far it really feels right and possible. While I appreciate the outside advice, without knowing us, or the resources which I have been using, it is very presumptious to assume anything or to say one person is better than another. My son feels good talking to the psychologist we are giong to and at this point that is of utmost importance. I have no interest in medicating him, so this is the route we wish to take. Thank you for your input.</p>
<p>ctmomof3,
Just wanted to say I think you are doing a good job at tackling this very difficult and emotionally-exhausting situation. You will get through this! Hang in there and keep the faith in your son. Something that helped me during a very rough patch with our son was to look at photos of him when he was about 10 years old. It helped me remember the sweet little guy that I knew was still inside the idiot 15-year-old (and 19-year-old – there were two rough patches). Somehow the photos called up memories of better days and allowed me some relief from the pain that he was causing me. I hope that your uncle is able to influence him positively. I think it sounds like a good plan.</p>
<p>Thanks! It feels good to hear some positive things…but I am tough cookie and believe me can hear the bad too! Spoke with my sons teachers and for the most part all is not lost, but he does have to really step it up and get busy to study hard for upcoming tests, quizzes, and make up a few hw assignmetns. They all prefaced this by saying how bright he is,etc…but they want to see realize his full potential. It wasn’t as bad as I was bracing myself for, thank God. My uncle is coming on Friday, so I am feeling relief about that as i am hopeful that he will help the healing begin and i believe be a great mentor for my son, he is physically super active, a jogger who jogs about 20 miles a day, hiker, skiier, tennis, golf you name it. He plans on taking my s. for some outdoor physical pursuits and though I think my s. may look down on it at first, I really think when he is in the great outdoors, breathing in that fresh air and doing something physically exhilerating, that he will feel good and positive and hopefully some of that “natural high” that one gets from such activity will be rekindled within and perhaps even spur a little motivation. I remain hopeful and will continue to keep you all posted.
Good night!</p>
<p>ctmom, your uncle sounds like the perfect “medicine” for your son - a calm, steady male influence who will get him out and moving. You’ve lined up a good therapist and your son is going, the situation in school is not all that bad, and your son used his own money to pay for a session with a tutor. Things are looking much better than they did even a week ago.</p>
<p>Shrinkrap – we can use you in my neck of the woods as well. Many psychiatrists around here have stopped taking insurance altogether. I feel very fortunate that I have found a few good ones to refer to which leads me to my point: any mental health professional worth their salt knows when to refer for a psychiatric evaluation and will do so. I have not followed this thread but did want to throw that in. Licensed mental health professionals – psychologists, licensed clinical social workers and licensed marriage and family therapists are all trained to asses, evaluate, treat and refer appropriately. I believe in some states anyone can hang out a shingle and call themselves a counselor but in other states the training is very rigorous and only those who are licensed can practice.</p>
<p>Nymom, thanks…you are right in your assessment, the things we have in action are all proactive and positive steps in getting this whole situation back under control. It will certainly take patience, diligence and I am certain many more uneasy days to come;I am not out of the woods by any stretch, but overall feel more hope than I did a week or so ago. Mimk, totally agree…when necessary any psychologists who feels this is beyond their “realm” or that this is a situation that may require medication,further behavioral analysis that they cannot provide it is not unusual to be recommended to a psychiatrist. Shrinkrap, I too wish you were closer, you sound like a refreshing change from what we have often come up against these last few months!</p>