Wow. That’s certainly an example of a comment that needs a response. Sounds like a great excuse to exercise white privilege and support someone else.
“Wow, that is really racist and inappropriate,” is what would have come out of my mouth.
What I would think in my head (things like “gee is your white hood at the cleaners?”, “hope you aren’t planning to make one into a noose” [or alternative “are you here to climb or to practice your noose tying with those ropes?”] or “ wow- offensive, ignorant and bigoted all in one - that takes talent”) and what might or might not come out of my mouth are likely to be quite different. In this day of “road rage” reactions, there is no telling how such a buffoon might react. So I agree with those who say that comforting the person to whom it was directed with a “sorry you had to hear such an offensive comment” or asking the manager to address it ( and hopefully kick the jerk out) would be safer.
No response is necessary.
An oft repeated legal phrase seems applicable in this situation: “The document speaks for itself.”
I disagree. People should speak up in those situations. Silence is tacit approval.
I’m not sure how I would respond, because I have sometimes been guilty of chickening out. But not always, so I think your request for “comebacks” is a good idea. I’ve said "Why would you say a thing like that?"and “Why would you think it’s OK to talk like that?” and “Watch your mouth!” (as if they’d said the F word or something.I really like “That’s not cool” or “That’s SO not cool” which I’ve never used but will think about.
It’s a racist version of bullying, and bullying is thwarted when witnesses call it out.
Silence is not tacit approval. Also, calling it out probably will make the situation worse.
As I posted above “The thing speaks for itself.”
If those around you don’t understand that, then you are hanging with the wrong crowd.
@Publisher you are wrong. Keeping silent makes the target of the racist remark feel like they’re alone, and lets the racist think it’s okay. Silence is complicity.
You don’t need to be witty or clever. Just tell the jerk, “Hey, that’s not okay,”
No, I am not wrong. I just would handle the situation in a different manner than you might.
No reason to make the situation worse.
Silence is definitely not ok. It’s been proven many times that folks change their behavior if even one person speaks up. Humans definitely have the tendency to believe silence shows approval. It’s human nature to think everyone agrees with you. One only discovers differently when it comes up in one form or another.
Many people will be silent (whether they agree or not). Most folks simply don’t like confrontation. They’ll talk about it later or steam about it if they disagree, but that doesn’t make silence the best way to handle things if one wants to see change happen.
Sigh, there’s always at least one on these types of threads. I guess someone has to serve as historian. Although chances are, the person who remains silent is the same person who lies and says, “I didn’t see/hear anything officer.” Because, why get involved, right?
Silence is not the right way to go. It reads as complicity, both for the victim and perpetrator. I once had a painter who told me that my neighborhood was great except there were “too many blacks”. He used his Eastern European word for blacks which sounded a lot like the N-word. First of all, we picked our neighborhood becuase it was intergrated and second of all he was using a term that is way too close to unacceptable English. At the time I was non-plussed and said nothing. But I’ve been kicking myself about it ever since - and that was over 20 years ago. It’s a good idea, I think to rehearse in your head what you should do in situations like this, because it’s really easy to be blindsided and say nothing.
If you’re not going to speak up in such instances, when are you going to speak up? What is worthy of the vocalization of your disgust if not racism?
" It’s a good idea, I think to rehearse in your head what you should do in situations like this, because it’s really easy to be blindsided and say nothing."
Agreed. I’m glad Iglooo started this thread because it gives many folks an opportunity to think and prepare for what they’d do in a similar incident.
Are you sure it wasn’t being filmed for “What would you do?”. Maybe John Quinones was lurking in the back…
Paint this scenario. YOU are the one someone has made a racial comment to. In front of a group of people and no one responds or calls out the person making the racist comment. How does that make you feel? Are you likely as the insulted person to lash back? Or would you hope that someone - SOMEONE - would let the racist commenter know their statement was NOT OK.
However, it is often interpreted as either approval, or acceptance that the racism is dominant enough that challenging it is futile.
Do you live where racists have a tendency to get violent when called on it, and are likely to have more supporters than opponents?
Sadly, in this day, the degree of anger and aggression seems to have escalated, and it could be risky to confront someone who is cured enough to say such an awful thing.
Several years ago DH and I were walking home from breakfast with neighbors. A guy in a truck was pulling out of a parking lot and pulled right onto the sidewalk we were walking on to pull out, almost hitting us. DH very, very lightly tapped on his hood to let him know we were there. The moron got out of his car and tried to start a fight for touching his beloved truck. It was unreal. And very scary. The guy was out of control, threatening and in DHs face. I had to call the police. I stayed on the phone with the police until the guy left. He could have had a gun. From then on, we would not confront someone who might be unreasonable.
Where were the staff while all this was going on? I would have found the closest one and asked if they typically allow that type of behavior and, if not, perhaps they could locate a manager to address it. If they couldn’t be troubled to do their job, I’d ask for a refund and leave. Then I’d post an honest review online to alert others to the unwelcoming atmosphere. I think making management aware that we won’t support businesses who tolerate that type of behavior may be more effective than challenging one bully. It’s certainly safer, especially if you’re traveling with children.
What you can do now, if you’re not satisfied with your reaction, is to contact the manager and ask about their policies. If the comment was made loudly, some of the staff must have heard it. I’d want to know why it was left to other customers to address. If they don’t have a policy for handling out of control guests perhaps it will motivate them to create one, and if they do, maybe it will remind them to follow it.
I’ve said more than my fair share of dumb, idiotic, insensitive things when I was young. I still do it now. To one degree or another, we all do. I don’t make the same mistake twice, I just make a bunch of new ones everyday. What he said was very stupid. I would assume ignore it and move on.