Another viewpoint is that by responding to such an ignorant comment you give that comment value. Again, I think that the comment speaks for itself. It is wrong, idiotic & racist. But does that really need to be pointed out ? Why legitimize the comment. The speaker has identified himself or herself as a racist idiot.
Another thing you can do is act really confused and ask the racist, “What do you mean?” Do it loudly enough for others to hear. Then, you get to either watch them crash and burn as they try to explain how their comment wasn’t actually racist, or you get fuller confirmation that they are, in fact, racist. Most likely, you’ll get both, and if other people hear, they will probably be more motivated to show the racist they are not welcome.
Sidenote: this technique works really well with racist/offensive jokes. Acting like you don’t get it and forcing them to explain that it’s funny because it’s racist will generally stop the telling of those jokes in the future.
I’m with @Massmomm on this one. Trying to be snarky with a young person is more likely to have the wrong effect.
I don’t believe this happened. Or I hope it didn’t. Doesn’t sound like any normal person I have ever been around would say at a rock climbing event. Just not that atmosphere.
It was a woman making the comment at an event where it was likely she was unarmed. That is one reason I’d feel free to comment. I wouldn’t step closer or look to escalate beyond that, though. Hopefully others would chime in and/or the person would back down and apologize.
I actually think the tricker situation is where it is a general comment where no one from the disparaged group is present. Like… with my family. 
My kids, bless ‘em, just give it to whomever straight up. “Grandpa, that is really inappropriate. It isn’t right to talk about other people that way.”
Are you sure the African American person even heard this? If I were the person being disparaged, I would be the one to make a comment in retort. Or I might just have shot them a look depending on the situation.
- Post #43 - Why would @Iglooo make a story like this up?! The idea that this is made up is more far fetched IMO than that it actually happened.
- To me what's more important to address is not if the African American person heard it. It's that it was said.
Yes, it happened and the person heard it. It came out of nowhere. I thought we were all having a good time. When she started talking, I thought she was praising the guy how good he was at climbing. Then came monkey and you African Americans don’t need a rope. My initial reaction was how stupid the remark was. There’s inherent risk in that sport. Then it dawned on to me how racist and offensive it was. I am a little slow at catching at things like that.
“I am a little slow at catching at things like that.”
I can relate because at first it’s just a shock that anyone would think such a thing and then go ahead and utter it out loud. It takes a moment for the brain to connect and answer “Did she REALLY say that? Did that REALLY just happen in 2018?”
In a world where so many don’t care if folks call other humans dogs (and more), it doesn’t surprise me at all. (sigh)
Why would it be a shock that someone says something racist out loud these days? After all, supposedly-respected leaders around the world do it.
There are even examples on these forums. E.g. “… is both ethnically and culturally homogeneous for the most part. That is a huge plus.” from http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20380872#Comment_20380872 .
As a lifelong whistle-blower, I can say with utter certainty that for calling out injustice there is often (or usually) a high price to pay. It can easily cost you your life. You can either die from a bullet or a beating–or suffer over a lifetime of punched-out teeth, broken bones, and general wear-and-tear: It’s not for nothing African Americans die of heart disease in scores.
For me that is an intolerable situation: It’s impossible for me to allow bullying, racism, sexism/gender-bias, child abuse, and ethnic bias in my presence without my calling it out. I pay the social price for making people feel uncomfortable with their biases. I know what it’s like to have stones thrown at me, guns aimed at me, and scary in-your-face death threats. But a life staring at the ground is intolerable to me.
On occasion, I myself have been called out: Two years ago I told a friend I was worried about my trip to Japan because I cannot read Japanese and was afraid I’d be unable to read subway and street signs and get lost. (I was traveling with a group of minors and take that responsibility very seriously.)
My friend responded that I shouldn’t be afraid of Asians. That offended me. That was not my issue. I’d never been there before and wanted a good trip for my group.
In another case, I called out a situation in which I was pushed around by an entitled male from a country where males are so valued over females that female infanticide and gender-based selective abortions are an issue. I didn’t object to his country of origin/ethnicity–I love many of the people, arts, and customs of his country. But I objected to his sense of entitlement and superiority, which were so ingrained he did not see how those played out in his demands of me.
–Sometimes you can be misunderstood even if you interrogate your conscience on a daily basis.
As to the racial/ethnic/gender/sexual bias directed against me my entire life, strangely enough I have never been able to get used to it. It rankles me freshly every time.
Injustice always bothers me, whether directed at me or someone else. I am sensitized. And I believe that my injustice-sensitivity is a politically valid basis for speech. My speech is a social responsibility. I feel it is necessary to speak up.
I have been subjected to overt ethnic demeaning statements, to which I always talk back. Almost daily (hourly?) I see and register rampant, casual misogyny, and whenever possible, I talk back.
Yet I don’t recall anyone ever springing to my defense or anyone else speaking up when I do. Rarely I will get an encouraging word, but usually I am disapproved of. It is more “polite” to shut up.
I find Millennials are better, fairer, more sensitive to these issues overall, and I put my hope in them for vast global improvement. I hope for better, that’s why I am still trying.
My life’s experiences have shaped me into someone who can’t stay silent. I am tired, but I am not dead yet and won’t be quiet until then.
That makes me an embarrassment sometimes to folks who just want to pass through. But change will not come without objection to the status quo.
A WASP-y 75 year old recently sneered at me when I made a similar statement at a luncheon, “How’s that working for you? Good luck with that!”
She’s right, it doesn’t work well. It’s not a lucky or easy way to live. It’s lucky to be smart, and to finally recognize you’re smarter than people realize. What’s unlucky is that your smarts are wrapped in a package they can’t respect.
I know she’s not a bad person. She’s lived a full life white and privileged, but for sure put up with the stuff every woman does. She’s not stupid.
She just doesn’t have any faith in the possibility that the injustices will ever change. She has staked nothing personal on change.
I have had an similar racist comment directed at one my children once from a distance (sporting event) and I calmly walked up to the person who said the comment and asked them to repeat what they had just said please. The person got very agitated and said that they did not mean anything by the comment, and we had a short discussion about boundaries that should not be crossed in public and even in private. They apologized over and over and left the venue as soon as I finished speaking to them. One has to be careful when confronting someone (And I know it isn’t in everyone’s nature to do so), but it is something that I will do to let the person know that making that type of comment is not okay.
@IvyGrad09 By using the term WASP-Y in a negative way, aren’t you guilty of the same bias you are rallying against?
My usual response to racist or otherwise offensive comments is the playing dumb routine ski_racer describes in post #41. “Huh, I don’t get it. What do you mean?” In this case I’d be more direct. The AA person at whom the comment was directed didn’t need to be subjected to more idiotic, racist tropes. I would, as others have suggested, say something like “That was a really racist thing to say. Totally inappropriate”
I do agree that there are times when it’s more important to ensure the safety of the person who’s been targeted than to call out the perpetrator. I wouldn’t confront an aggressive man on the subway because it could escalate the situation and put the target in more danger. In that situation I’d speak quietly to the target to let them know I was on their side. The situation the OP describes seems like a perfect situation in which to publicly confront racism, as there were presumably other people there who could provide protection if the person were to become aggressive.
Remember all those bullying workshops our kids did in grade school? Think of this as adult bullying and act accordingly by being an ally.
@ wisteria100 Let’s pretend you aren’t trying to bait me because my story makes you uncomfortable:
WASP= White Anglo Saxon Protestant, she was all of those things. If we say someone is “Hispanic” (a term dislike but I suppose is linked to cultural, colonial history in a Spanish language,) as a neutral description–which is still on many forms–then I don’t see why a white, anglo saxon, protestant gets to evade pinpointing and pretend to be the universal “norm.”
Also, when you take the power dimension out of the encounter, you create a false equivalency.
@ChangeTheGame I am guessing you are not African American. But that you present as white, economically solvent, and otherwise beyond immediate bias. If you were “offensive” as you presented to a racist, it is likely they would have turned on you with hatred and scorn.
Sorry, @IvyGrad09 , but @wisteria100 makes a reasonable point. “WASP-Y” is often dismissive and/or pejorative, and if one is in a diatribe about verbal sensitivities, one should be mindful of that.
I see “Preppy” used on this site frequently. As I see it, Preppy and Waspy are pretty close.
Waspy assumes a religious affiliation. No need to be so defensive, or to use a straw man argument.
So back to topic-
There are times when a person could speak up, but recognizes that it might, in a particular situation, be wiser not to.
A post came across facebook yesterday that comes to mind. It said: “Never assume that loud is strong or quiet is weak”.