<p>From the age of 9, mine went to a remote, month-long all-boys’ camp in Canada. One sailed through bad roommates and bad experiences. One had a marvelous time in year 1 and 2 but sent desperate letters in year 3–so desperate that I broke my usual stance and went to visit at parent’s day. H usually was the one who visited. </p>
<p>My mistake. The visit made ME miserable. :eek:</p>
<p>Either choice will be fine. This is not a make or break decision for his overall well-being.</p>
<p>I gave mine the choice to come home–but I made home sound pretty darn dull. He stayed but never had a great time. This child recently wrote me from his new GAP location, which he described as ‘hellish’. Again, he insisted he was too miserable to stay.</p>
<p>Again, I gave him the choice–but said that he would have to work 40 hours a week at home. I said he ought to make sure the GAP situation was worse than working 40 hours a week in a labor job at home. He decided to stay and is now having a great time.</p>
<p>There is pride and confidence in surviving difficult situations.</p>
<p>I spoke to the director at around 9 pm central time (one hour ago), but I haven’t been able to post until now because I had promised my oldest D that we would watch some Gilmore Girl episodes that we rented together before she leaves for her big adventure to Spain tomorrow (we watched it on this computer so I couldn’t multi-task :).</p>
<p>So…I called camp three times before the director called me back. Of course he had some very valid reasons for the delay (he does run a camp!) The kids had a surprise late activity, etc., etc.</p>
<p>In a nutshell, the director told me that S was doing better…Not perfect, but better than yesterday, and that since it was so late, S decided to go to his cabin without talking to me tonight. I emphasized to the director that I really, really want S to know that DH and I are behind him 100% and that we support him no matter what. The director believes that S knows that because S has expressed that to him. However, I told the director that I need to talk to S, so I will tomorrow morning at 7:45 my time (it’s one hour later where he is). I don’t know if the director thought that was the greatest idea…But I do!! I need to hear it from S that he is O.K toughing it out and is not just doing it to please the director or me.</p>
<p>I promise I will be positive and upbeat!</p>
<p>Good night all, and thank you for the moral support!!</p>
<p>curiousmother - I’m just a lurker (oops, I guess not now) on this thread since I have neither advice nor experience with summer camp. I just wanted to post to say good luck, and hope it goes well for you and your S.</p>
<p>I think you are handling this perfectly! Kudos to you and your husband! I think that your son’s mind must already be somewhat eased by the fact that he now is certain that he has the “safety net” of your support no matter what his decision. I wouldn’t be overly surprised if this changes his perspective significantly. I’ll look forward to hearing how he’s doing tomorrow. Meanwhile, I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts…</p>
<p>There are times when we want our kids to “tough it out” and times when we need to let them opt out of a bad situation</p>
<p>we need to teach our kids to trust their guts, what it is telling them, and that sometimes, it is just a bad place to be</p>
<p>there could be a variety of things going on, as this is a 180 from the OPs son’s previous experience, so this is a different matter</p>
<p>Sometimes it is important to get away from something that is “not right”, and our kids need to know that is okay</p>
<p>Would we tell our Ds in a bad relationship to tough it out? or should we tough it out with a bully of a coach? or tough it out if the program we are in is not what was advertised></p>
<p>So, curiousmom, good for you…I once pulled my kids out of a soccer team trip to Europe…the coach was an )*#$#@…why tough it out? We just left…</p>
<p>The lesson my Ds got was that in a bad circumstance, get out, and let your friends and family support that decision, too often people feel they need to stay in a situation that is painful, really uncomfortable, because of pride, disappointing others etc…we need to teach our kids that sometimes it a good thing to not tough it out, it can keep them safe to know that</p>
<p>Being supportive and accepting sounds just right. Your S is experienced camper, so this is not a case of homesickness. He is uncomfortable with bunkmates.</p>
<p>I like jmmom’s attitude towards her S, and the parents willingness to accept that his 3rd college is the worst fit. All too often I meet with young adults who feel forced to stay in a job for a year, because of parental pressure. As a parent with tuition to pay, I stayed in an awful job for almost 2 years. I would never want anyone else to have to go thru this.</p>
<p>We all know our children’s personality. Some want to quit any activity that they don’t immediately excel at, and they quit rather than persevere with difficult homework. This is camp. OP’s S is not a impulsive.</p>
<p>I agree with most others here. Your son has a track record of doing fine at camp. Something is different in this situation and he needs your support for whatever he feels he needs to do. A friend’s daughter transferred sophomore year and the college did not provide housing. She found an apt. just off-campus, but the roommates turned out to be all-night partiers. It was absolutely unliveable for this really nice and serious young woman who had done fine with roommates in camps and in freshman year. Her parents advocated with the college until she got a dorm assignment. Some situations are just miserable and unworkable. We shouldn’t have to stand for that, much less pay for it.</p>
<p>I may have missed this in reading the thread, but I wondered if the camp is close enough for you to visit this weekend? It probably breaks the rules - but what the heck. </p>
<p>If it were my son, I don’t think that I would have supported a "he’ll get over it’, “its good for him to survive/conquer these kinds of things”. Isn’t this supposed to be fun for him? </p>
<p>Like WashDad, I am much more familiar with the Boy Scout experience and I have helped an 11 year old call home. But Boy Scount camp is only a week long, and I never saw an older boy want to go home.</p>
<p>BERURAH is 100% My D was a seasoned camper and one season she had a horrible time at camp. She was about the same age as your son and the other campers were into sex and drug talks. She Hated it!!! I took her home and made of feel proud of herself.the next year she returned to camp(another camp) and had many wonderful years there. Bring him home he is not a failure, in certain ways he sounds more mature than the rest</p>
<p>I too am a ‘lurker’ on this thread. I hope everything works out for you and son. I feel so bad for you (and for him). Let us know how your son is doing, OK?</p>
<p>I would have no problem going to get him, I’m over 50 and I remember my horrible camp experience like it was yesterday. My parents were elevated to hero status when they came to get me and it never kept me from going other places or enjoyiing other camps. Sometimes camp is just camp - it’s not the great teacher of all things needed to grow up. Feeling safe and heard and respected can be much greater things.</p>
<p>I had a bad camp experience around that age. I skipped a grade and my girl scout camp was by grade, not age level. So that summer, I was put with girls who were a year older and were wearing bras and going through puberty when I was not. I had loved camp every year before and every year since but that summer sticks in my mind 40 years later as a horrific memory even though nothing really bad happened other than being grossed out and scared and lonely. </p>
<p>I don’t remember getting to call home or having the option of going home but I spent almost the entire time hiding out in the infirmary, which the camp luckily allowed. I think you have handled this situation very well. Sometimes opting out is the right thing to do. Weighing the pros and cons of a situation and not feeling stuck is a good life lesson too.</p>
<p>As far as thirteen year old boys not crying – I think that depends on the boy. My younger son will be 14 in two weeks and he called me last night crying so hard I couldn’t even understand him – turns out that he was upset because he was having so much fun while his dad and I were working extra hours so that he could go to his summer program. He is a sweet and sensitive kid. Once I convinced him that we really wanted him to go and didn’t mind working extra to make it possible – he was fine. </p>
<p>Of course, your son’s situation is different – but I just wanted to say that boys cry too.</p>
<p>One thing I have found over the years (both my kids have been going to camp and programs since they were 9) is that a daytime phone call is much less emotional. It seems like nighttime is a difficult time and can make the problems and homesickness much worse – try to talk with him before dinner or midday and ask him if he wants to come home, what the problems are, etc. If he still wants to come home – I would bring him home.</p>
(And I know what you mean by lurking…I do it often…I have so much to learn!)</p>