<p>hsmomofstef~</p>
<p>Wow, what an incredible son you’re raising! He sounds amazing!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>This thread brings back some bad memories for me … 35+ years ago, I was at a summerlong camp and was desperately unhappy. It was an effort to convince people that I was not just homesick but unhappy. I wasn’t allowed to call home, so just sent letters. I ended up switching bunks twice. The third group, who were a year younger than me, were nice and my summer did improve, but whenever I look back on it I wish people had believed me and let me come home. </p>
<p>I think some kids are not meant for summer camp. My parents kept insisting that I had to go, and I had one miserable summer after another. </p>
<p>Good luck in handling this situation. If your kid is truly unhappy, don’t make him stay.</p>
<p>curiousmother, I hope things have improved for your S. </p>
<p>Here’s a link from the American Camping Association that speaks to this issue:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.acacamps.org/media_center/how_to_choose/homesickness.php[/url]”>http://www.acacamps.org/media_center/how_to_choose/homesickness.php</a></p>
<p>I think you have to make a determination -1) how sad is your S really and 2) can the situation be salvaged or turned around. If your S is sad all the time, not participating, not eating or sleeping well, isolated from the other kids and you and the camp director have made every effort to work things out - it may be time to bring him home. On the other hand, I’ve seen situations similar to the one you are describing turn around, too. That’s where I would put <em>some</em> faith in the camp director. If he is a good one, then you can have some measure of trust in his judgment, which may even be more objective than your own. </p>
<p>Not that this next will be of any help to know, but as a former camper and counselor, as well having kids who were campers and counselors for many years, it’s been my observation that transferring to a new camp at the age of 12 is not infrequently problematic, especially if other campers have been there for years. Just as in your situation, sometimes the first summer is fine, possibly due to the activitiy centered nature of the experience for younger kids as well as the novelty of it being a new place, but by the second year, and especially with 13 year olds, the emphasis can be more about the relationships between the campers. If the bunk dynamics are a terrible fit, it’s just a tough situation.</p>
<p>Good luck in whatever you decide to do and hope that your S’s summer starts to improve quickly, whether he comes home or stays!</p>
<p>I wish to second the idea of a day time phone call. hsmo is sensible and has a truly empayhetic son!</p>
<p>Hello again to my support group!</p>
<p>I have not been able to get to a computer til now to give you an update.</p>
<p>Yesterday my oldest D left for Spain, which means all of our four kids are gone (the boys at one camp and youngest D at another), so H and I had planned on coming to Colorado for a 5-day get-away. All that was up in the air until I had spoken to S on the phone. I spoke to him yesterday morning and he chose to stay for one more day. Among other things, he feels that he owes it to the nice kids in his cabin to stay because they voted him to the honor council and he can’t give up on them. Also, his little brother is reaching out to him.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the “eeky” kid and his side-kick are still at it. They use foul language and get their kicks verbally abusing or making fun of the others in the cabin. I told the director that either they do something about the offending boy or my S is ouf of there.</p>
<p>My heart broke all over again when my S said to me (during the same conversation yesterday morning) “You know when that boy in the book, The Power of One, said he couldn’t cry anymore? Well, I feel the same way. My tears are all dried up…I just have a headache all the time now.”</p>
<p>But S made the decision to stay and I had to agree. I hope to hear an update from camp today.</p>
<p>I really didn’t want to come to Colorado, but my H said, “Would you rather mope around Dallas or beautiful Colrado?” So here I am sitting at the Vail Public Library writing this and may not have the chance to check it again today…But I want you to know that you have been a great help and I will continue to keep you posted.</p>
<p>Oh curiousmother, that breaks my heart too!</p>
<p>augghh, sigh! Well, CM, I know where your heart is, but try to enjoy yourself in Colorado too!</p>
<p>cm – I’m glad you that when you gave him the choice, your son made the decision to stay. I think it shows character. Life is full of adverse experiences, and so long as there’s no genuine danger in staying, there’s value in toughing it out. So often a single powerful kid can set the tone for an entire cabin (or an entire classroom). And at camp a nasty and charismatic ringleader is even worse than at school, where at least kids get to get away from one another for a part of the day. The camp should send that kid home!</p>
<p>Enjoy Colorado!</p>
<p>cm~</p>
<p>{{{{{{{many hugs}}}}}}} to you…and to your son! My heart is with you both! We just got back from Estes Park. Enjoy your time in CO. Your son made his OWN decision. And the fact that he KNEW he had your support either way is just marvelous. Many good wishes to you both!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>curiousmother,
I hope that things get better for your S from now on. And good for you for telling the director that he needs to get the bunk bullies under control. One of my son’s had a camp experience last summer which was very unnerving to start. There was a boy in the bunk who was clearly “unbalanced” and scaring the other boys (ages 13 & 14) and he was sent home within the first week. The director took strong action and I hope your S’s camp director does, too.
This must be so difficult for you to deal with from afar, waiting for a phone call. Empathies and sympathies!</p>
<p>Good for curious son! Another step towards independence and increased self esteem. Curious mom gets a gold star…handles it perfectly!</p>
<p>I started another thread about my D who is working at a camp…if that director has continued to allow the bullying to keep happening, I would seriouslly wonder about the safety of that camp…if they are not dealing with this right now, it can escalate to other behaviors, as the boys know that they can get away with stuff</p>
<p>At my Ds camp, they sent home to 10 year old girls, finally, for obnoxious behavior- lying, bullying etc…</p>
<p>My D was disappointed that it took the camp leaders that long to take care of it, it was making other campers miserable</p>
<p>And as this camp director knows about the bullying, etc and has basically ignored it, that raises flags to me</p>
<p>And what is being discussed on the other thread is the reallity that many kids are taken off their medications in the summer for a variety of reasons, well, that can affect a person’s behavior</p>
<p>Curiousmom: I hope that things work out for you and your S. Camp experiences can be a funny thing.When I was 10, my parents sent me to a day camp about 1/2 hour from home. Luckily, it was only for a 2-week session, because I absolutely HATED it! I hated swimming in the lake (we had an in-ground pool at home - LOL) and as a 2-weeker, the kids who were there for the entire summer were horrendous to us “short-timers”. Never made friends, cried every day, it goes on and on…
Fast forward to the summer I was 15 - I became a CIT at that very same camp and LOVED it! First two summers, I was assigned to the horseback riding program and then became a Group Counselor. For the next SEVEN summers (after graduating from college and becoming a full-time teacher), I adored my summer job at that camp. Even now - almost 35 years later - my closest friends are those girls who I worked with at summer camp (and actually, two of them were those girls who were horrible to me at first!) I never let them forget that! Although many of us are out-of-state, we still get together faithfully twice a year for dinner or a weekend away. They even took me to NYC for my 50th birthday for a long weekend a few years back. Funny how things work out. Oh, and I decided to send my D to the same camp when she was about 7. She went for three summers (only for a 2 week session), and hated it, too! But, she decided that when she was old enough to work that the “great outdoors” wasn’t her thing and she is happily working at Staples as a cashier.</p>
<p>I just wanted to pop in and say that I feel your pain Curiousmom. My son went to camp for two miserable summers, both for 4 week programs. It was his choice to return too! I had the worst summers worrying about him.</p>
<p>The key is speaking to your son’s counselors as well as the director. The couselors can tell you exactly what is going on with your son. If he is so miserable and depressed that he looks unhappy all the time and is moping around, then bring him home. If he is able to enjoy some of the activities and is happy some of the time, then he should stay.</p>
<p>My son wrote letters of unhappiness but was really having an Ok time much of the time. I felt since this was the case it was important for him to feel he could get through it and eek out the 4 weeks.</p>
<p>For next summer you may want to find other programs for your son. My son loved going on local travel programs when he was your son’s age. Then he enjoyed travel from Mon-Fri and home on the weekends and eventually went on teen tours. That was more his cup of tea. Every kid is different and camp isn’t for everyone.</p>
<p>this isn’t about “camp isn’t for everyone” this is about a kid who did well and liked camp the other times he went, and now being something where he is all cried out and sounds kind of numb…tell, what is the point of being numb to it all just to get through something that is not fun?</p>
<p>As adults, if you were being bullied, and harrassed, would you just suck it up and stick it out?</p>
<p>Curious Mom–my thoughts are with you. You sound like a wonderful mother, and your son sounds like a lovely boy. And shame on whoever said 13-year-old boys shouldn’t be crying! My son is 13, very sensitive, and I can absolutely see it happening. This is summer camp, not an endurance contest, and if after all this he wants to come home, I would take him home.</p>
<p>Curious Mom, can we have an update? Did he stay or come home?</p>
<p>Chedva and Other fellow CCers, </p>
<p>I thought I had sent CC an update, but I guess it didn’t make it (in Colorado, my computer time was limited to 20 minutes at the public library, and maybe I didn’t get the message out in time).</p>
<p>To make long story short, S is still at camp. The director had some serious talks with the boy who was acting out in S’s cabin, and it appears that he has improved his behavior. The last e-mail I received from the director (a couple of days ago) said that S was working through his feelings. On the one hand he wanted to stay and fulfill his duties as a member of the honor council, etc., but on the other, he was really missing home.</p>
<p>I have seen some pictures of S on the camp website, and he is definitely participating in the activities, even smiling in one of the pictures. So I have
to believe things are better!! Especially since I wrote to him (via email) that whatever he decided to do (stay or come home) was 100% fine with me. I really would love a positive letter from him though (when we returned from Colorado, I found another depressing letter from him, but it was written the day before the first of our two phone conversations). I hope to get a letter from him tomorrow! (Parents can send e-mails, but kids can’t–only snail mail). Last year, when he was there having a great time, I got maybe one or two letters total. So maybe he’s not writing because he’s feeling better.</p>
<p>So I’m still a bit apprehensive but a lot more calm than a few days ago. </p>
<p>Again, thanks to all for all the great advice!</p>