Oh, heck yes he needs to take a fee! The way that non-lawyers often do it in our jurisdiction is to figure out what they earn on an hourly basis (dividing their annual salary by 2000, which is 40 hours/week for 50 weeks), and then use that as the hourly rate to bill the work they do as executor/personal representative – on the theory that they are taking time away from their work to handle the administration of the estate. And bill for everything, not just “legal” work: travel to/from decedent’s house; inspect/inventory personal property; review bank account statements; confer with bank officers re: decedent’s accounts, setting up probate estate account; removal of decedent’s personal property for distribution to beneficiaries; etc. The expenses of administration – including a fee for the executor/administrator – are usually given priority in payments, so are paid before any beneficiaries get their share of the estate. And it can be very satisfying to tell the truly greedy beneficiaries that they will have to wait until the executor’s/administrator’s fee is computed/approved/paid, as well as payments made to creditors, before any distributions to beneficiaries can take place! At least that’s how things are prioritized here.
@CollegeNerd67, please have your husband do what @gandalf78 advises! It is only fair with him doing the work, and will help the feelings of bitterness.
Estate planning is such a minefield. My parents recently updated their legacy trust and named my sibling and I as executors for each other’s trusts. While we are very close, this means that we get to decide how the other spends any money. We’ve agreed to just agree too any request at this point but it seems like a crazy way to set it up. My parents need to set up someone with a POA but thus far have refused.
On the other side, my husband’s father died quite young at 60 and my MIL has remarried a gold digger who will likely walk away with anything that my husband would have inherited. Which is MIL’s choice I guess, but I doubt what his Dad would have wanted.
ETA: I just reread this and it sounds so mean. I do really believe that people can set things up however they want, but as evidenced by this thread, it’s an emotional issue.
So much of the above would indicate that it would be a good idea to keep a journal/ledger of sorts when a family member dies (or before) - each day noting what you did, where you went, who you talked to, etc. - because for sure it becomes a blur after awhile and then you also have it as “proof” for all the trips you made, expenses you incurred, time you spent, etc.
Doesn’t have to be fancy - just jot down enough to jog your memory and have record.
Thank you, I will pass this on to him. Sounds like a reasonable way to come up with an amount.
My mother actually planned very well, she just didn’t include me. It’s not about the money or material things at all but rather the feeling that came with it. My advice is leave equal shares to all your children. Let them mourn you without added drama and hurt feelings.
I totally agree on the equal shares. We have one child who will likely be very wealthy, another who is doing fine but has much less than the other, but who knows in the end? Their directive is to split everything 50/50, and if there is one penny left, to split it in half or give it away.
I think, personally and that’s all it is (my thought) that a sibling should take more for being an executor.
It’s your parent and sibling. They are family.
My sister does more for my dad than I do. On the flipside, she and her husband live in his house for free for many years.
I don’t say - you hooked her up - you should pay some of my mortgage.
And she doesn’t say - I do more for him day to day - driving, shopping, companionship - I should get more.
It seems odd to me to pay an executor - but again, it’s just how I think but of course, everyone needs to do what’s best for them.
I think it probably depends upon who the executor is. And in this situation where some of us are saying to absolutely charge as the executor, the executor is the husband of the child. He is doing a lot of work, and his wife is getting nothing whatsoever from the will, not even a single piece of jewelry, with everything going to the stepchild. I think it is vicious of the stepchild to not even offer something sentimental to the child. There is zero reason why he should be doing the work for free. The stepchild is absolutely not treating them like family.
The only issue I have is that my mother in law frequently tells me that if my husband passes away before her that I’m cut out of the will.
I understand that’s how things work. I’ve been a loyal daughter in law for 40 years now. I have no idea if my husband will out live her. He does have health issues so it may happen. My husband and I have been very helpful to them. His sibling while a nicer person is not helpful.
But she doesn’t have to mention it all the time. I know. 
That is the way things work unless special provisions are made. This is a good example of all the questions that a good estate planning attorney would address.
Is she saying that she’d leave to your children instead of you? Or give to other siblings?
I can understand wanting to give directly to the children.
I wonder what she would say if you asked her, “Why do you keep telling me this?”
It is not odd at all to pay an executor. You can name your law firm as executor- do you think they are chasing down the title to your safe deposit box and figuring out which bank acquired the bank where you held a 10K CD which matured 15 years ago without being compensated?
Having a family member take a payment (this is taxable income to the executor, so it’s all above board) is perfectly fine if one person is shouldering a “more than expected” burden. It’s all well and good to serve as executor for a 50K estate where the hardest part is paying the final electric bill on the apartment and returning the cable box for the $100 refund before returning the keys to the landlord… It’s another thing when there is a ton of administrative work involved.
I have a README file on my computer that I keep updated with (among other things) the places where I have accounts, credit cards, subscriptions both online (Netflix, etc) and print, and so on. Every now and then I send out a copy and at the top is the location on my computer where the latest version is. Also in the file I list things I don’t have so people don’t waste time looking for them such as life insurance policies, EE bonds, storage lockers, etc.
Perhaps too late now but your husband could have declined to serve as executor. Then either the step-sibling would have handled it or the court would have appointed someone.
I agree that family members should not hesitate to take payment, especially when the estate requires them to do a whole lot more than they expected. My brother died intestate with a relatively small estate. It was really difficult and time consuming to settle, though, for a variety of reasons. My brother who volunteered to be executor had done so for our dad … that was a piece of cake comparatively. We made him take payment for the hours of research he put in and hassle he went through on my brother’s estate.
Same here. And our kids get along very well so are co-executors of our estate. One does live locally and more than likely would be the go to person.
We have been very transparent about this with our kids. I think they appreciate this.
I think if an executor has expenses like hotel, travel etc, they should be reimbursed for this…as well as their time.
I guess all situations are different - for example, and I don’t know who my dad’s executor is (has a trust) - but if I go to his home (where my sister lives), I stay there.
But everyone is different - and fortunately, as of now, we’ve not gone through this yet.
My sister’s friend and her brother had a huge acrimonious thing because her friend was living in the mom’s house, the brother wanted it sold but the mom wrote that the daughter can stay (had to pay upkeep and taxes), and the brother sued - and from what I understand, they paid so much to lawyers - what’s the point.
I guess in my case - we are all family - so we’re not going to nickel and dime things (I hope)
But everyone is different. And that’s fine too.
She must be related to my MIL…who has said the same thing to the spouses of all of her kids. We don’t want anything from her when she dies…not a thing. No things, and no money. Nothing.