<p>oldfort, I don’t understand. Why is it a mistake?</p>
<p>Why do you think?</p>
<p>I honestly have no idea. I’ve never dressed up for my boy, and neither of my parents have either and they’ve been married for 20+ years. </p>
<p>I truly do not understand. I apologize for my ignorance. I’m not being dense, I truly don’t get it.</p>
<p>Then you are very lucky.</p>
<p>Do you think you could explain? I’ve been lurking this thread and I don’t really get it either.</p>
<p>Do you really not understand?</p>
<p>^^ I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s lost. </p>
<p>oldfort, I guess I am lucky, but I don’t understand how a marriage can last 5 years, let alone 25, if you care about how someone looks. Looks fade.</p>
<p>Gardna, yes I really don’t understand. I’m not being intentionally stupid.</p>
<p>Oh, me neither. I was just making sure that this wasn’t all some sort of injoke. ;)</p>
<p>How many people (both men and women) have affairs at work? It maybe shallow to like someone just because of their looks, but it is also something that attracts us to someone first. This is my theory…as we get older we want to believe we are still attractive and not as old as our age. The easiest way is validation. If your spouse doesn’t take care of him/herself, and you see someone in the office who is perfectly groomed/attractive AND actually find you attractive, how tempting is that. Sometimes it goes beyond the looks. If your spouse is only capable of discussing the latest reality show with you, and you are interacting with people who are intelligent and interesting at work, then it is also easy to get distracted.</p>
<p>My mother always tell us to stay interesting and attractive.</p>
<p>I don’t like this focus on manners because it’s just an excuse to cast judgment on others. I care about consideration, compassion. I’ve seen street people, and believe me, they are not well groomed, do acts of kindness for strangers. I’ve seen immaculate women, men in bespoke suits do that whole hide behind the newspaper thing while an elderly man, woman/pregant woman, man/woman holding a toddler, take your pick, stands in front of them on the bus or subway. </p>
<p>I also agree about halfway with oldfort here. I think it’s important to value yourself, and that means taking care of your health, being open to new experiences, reading and thinking, being kind and loving towards others AND taking care of your appearance. This should all be for your own pleasure, not because you’re worried that H will go have an affair if you let it all go. But the side effect is that you will be good company, so people, like your H, will be naturally drawn to you.</p>
<p>This reminds me, I’ve seen more than one man have an affair with a woman who is dowdier than his W. Sometimes a beautiful, immaculate woman can be no fun, a little too immaculate, if you know what I mean.</p>
<p>This reminds me, I’ve seen more than one man have an affair with a woman who is dowdier than his W.</p>
<p>Look at who Sandra Bullocks husband had an affair with- and Sandra looks like she would be alot of fun- it isn’t about looks- it is about committment.</p>
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<p>It’s ridiculous to blame the wife for the husband’s transgressions. Wives don’t “drive” their husbands to cheat because they are “no fun.” These men have a fundamental flaw in their character - they are driven by immaturity, insecurity, lack of morals, whatever; it doesn’t matter who the woman is or what she looks like.</p>
<p>Why can’t any of these people just get a divorce first, then sleep around? At least be honest. I think it’s because the cheating is the fun part…</p>
<p>Good manners are making about making other people comfortable. My son was taught please and thank you and to look someone in the eye when speaking. He is comfortable talking to anyone, he rises when a woman rises (I find that a little over the top, my husband does it too), they both rise when a woman approaches our table to say hello. They often get the car door for me, I often wear heels and we have an SUV, it’s helpful! If I am cattying something heavy (besides my purse!) they insist on taking it. My son says sir, ma’am and miss. Peolple ask him all the time if he’s from the south, he’s a Northerner. He did get scolded recently on a train. He was coming back from Va. and saw several Harvard girls stuggling to put their suitcases in the overhead rack, he hopped up and said, “can I help you with that ma’am.” The girls berated him about calling them ma’am, not much older them him etc…(he is a senior in HS) they let him swing all their suitcases in the racks though! I told him miss might have been more appropriate!</p>
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<p>In the surreal experience that is my life, I am again dating at age 50. Which allows me to meet lots of divorced gentlemen, which also means I gets lots of insight into why they are single again in their 50s. And amazingly, whether their ex-wife is still attractive has nothing to do with it. I’m not sure I’ve run across a single guy who’s wife is, let’s say, sturdier than I am. That is never a problem in their eyes. Not a single guy has complained his wife has “let herself go.” Men of this age tend to be drawn to low maintenance women, perhaps because they have spent so much time waiting for their spouses to be ready. I don’t wear makeup often, as I’m allergic to just about anything, and a puffy red face with makeup just isn’t as attractive as a face without makeup. So first meetings I tend to show up with a clean face, and that somehow tends to be a turn on. Yes, being able to keep up with them physically is important. (And I’ve seen way more hiking trails than I ever thought imaginable…) Being interesting is important. (And way easier when you haven’t heard all their stories…) Being confident, happy, and energetic is important. And most importantly, being polite and kind is important. I have heard more dating horror stories from guys who dated perfectly made up, toned, exquisitely dressed women that were rude to waiters or baristas. One thing in common with all these guys, that was their showstopper, a rude date. Perhaps younger people are more into veneers, but us finely aged folks tend more toward substance.</p>
<p>Men of this age tend to be drawn to low maintenance women, perhaps because they have spent so much time waiting for their spouses to be ready.</p>
<p>I do admit- that I have an awful time getting ready. I don’t know what to wear. I don’t shop much- and I change clothes about 4 times-( often after raiding the remainder of my 19 yr olds closet- and realizing that since she is about 8" taller than me, and 10 lbs lighter* and 33 years younger*, even if I can get her stuff on- it doesn’t look good on me) I don’t know why I can’t just spend 5 minutes on my face like even 10 years ago- and * where is my phone?*</p>
<p>A long time ago ( in our very early 20’s before marriage), my H and I broke up and " dated other people" for a while. H went out with a woman that he worked with, with whom he had denied being involved for a long time ( because it started when we lived together)</p>
<p>She had the audacity to attend a special event that was at my workplace ( I worked at a hair salon and we were having a photo shoot- opening party), and frankly she was a dork. Not pretty, not charming- but empty headed and fawning. I told my co-workers that’s who he was going out with- and they couldn’t believe it.
( H couldn’t believe it either- and we obviously eventually got back together after he grew up a bit more)</p>
<p>I think that a lot of men, * want* someone who fawns over them, who expects them to be " the man"- it makes them feel * manly* :rolleyes: , and while eventually a lot of them grow up and get over that sort of neediness- some don’t. </p>
<p>If/when, their wives gain more confidence and expect more of themselves and of their partner, they run. Some may mature during that time, and gain insight into what they value, but for some that is too exhausting and scary & they look to younger women, who don’t have the experience to see who they really are.</p>
<p>It’s scary to think that if I was dating again in my 50’s, I could be one of those “cougars”, :o not only because guys in their 30’s are prettier, than ones in their 50s- but because there seem to be more younger men, who have a different idea about the role of “men/women”, than my age peers do- they don’t seem as tied to the traditional expectations that I was raised with & have never liked.</p>
<p>Hi, happy April 1st to all!
"Rude to waiters or baristas.” This is bad I admire people that treat people well without looking their lineage or financial status.</p>
<p>Concerning cleaning teeth in public…once I saw a man pulling a toothpick from his wallet and in front of a group he began cleaning his teeth…disgusting.</p>
<p>UCDAlum–fascinating post! Maybe I should take pains to be less “high maintenance”, both for my H’s sake and mine. I am beginning to see that it isn’t time, or energy, well spent. Good luck with the dating life.</p>
<p>mousegray: it does not take time to look good…or look bad. It is a choice people decide every day. Extremes are bad! The point is dress properly for the occasion: obviously you will not use a ball gown at the airport or a train or church, but does not dress down to the point that it is not proper…or abandon yourself to the point you don’t care anymore.</p>
<p>Cell phones: New bad manners
At the start of the previews the theater announces and asks the patrons to turn off the cellulars. It happens without exception one or two people are not following the rules. Recently, next to my friends you could hear this “lady” saying I cannot talk now because I’m in the theater…it is very disruptive.</p>
<p>It drives me crazy when people have intimate conversation on cell phone in public places (like bus, street…) We used to have those conversations in the privacy of our own home on our land line, but now people are freely discussing their date experience the night before, fight with their H/W, money matter, or their latest big business deal. It is embarrassing, and it is too much information.</p>
<p>Very early in his career, my husband had a meeting with an important prospective customer. At the end of the meeting, the man asked him for a business card. My husband gave him the card, and the man proceeded to clean his teeth with it. </p>
<p>Talk about rude and arrogant behavior.</p>