<p>Well, DS is home for the first time since leaving for college 6 weeks ago. He flew in and got home at 9pm Friday night, he’s here till Tuesday.</p>
<p>He was home for 45 minutes, then left to visit a friend who also came home Friday night, but was leaving Sat morning for a family event in another state. DS had told me in advance he was might visit his friend Friday night. When he said he was heading out to the friend’s house at 9:45 pm, I said, “This late?” He said, “Mom, it’s not even 10pm.” I said, “There’s a difference between college time and real-world time. Don’t keep his family up.”</p>
<p>Until he left for college DS had an 11pm curfew - although it wasn’t strictly enforced, if he wasn’t going to be home at 11 he’d call and tell us why and when he would get home. He never arrived home after midnight. Last night hubby and I fell asleep watching the Red Sox (missed Manny’s home run - shoot! Go Sox! but that’s another thread). I woke up to the sound of the garage door at 3:15 am! I told DS that we are going to have to discuss some guidelines, and he assured me that he just lost track of time and 3:15 would not be a common occurance, and he and his friend were watching the Sox and playing video games in the friend’s basement so they didn’t keep his family up.</p>
<p>Such a stereotype - the kid comes home from college and thinks the rules don’t apply any more… aarrgghh.</p>
<p>Our rules about getting home at a reasonable time started getting trashed about a month before son left for college. All of a sudden, 2:30 seemed reasonable to him. I think I was being softened up. Son will be back for a short break in a couple of weeks, and I will not be keeping him to his high school schedule. </p>
<p>He is a trustworthy kid, so I will be trusting.</p>
<p>Once they hit college and begin to experience being totally in charge of their comings and goings—when they get up, when they eat, when they go to bed, who they see and when they see them, it’s pretty hard for them to revert to the “childhood” of high school living. I can understand your S wanting the same freedom at home. I think you should all sit down and discuss your concerns, and possibly come up with a strategy everyone feels comfortable with. While he’s not exactly an “adult” in the way that you are, he’s not a child anymore, either. If you want him to desire to come home for his school breaks, instead of spending them in the homes of college friends, you’ve got to temper the rules and acknowledge that he’s moved on to another stage in life.</p>
<p>It’s not just the aspect of being in charge of one’s schedule. At my d’s school, evening events don’t even start until 10 or 11! So they’re so used to it that it would take them a few days to get used to another schedule.</p>
<p>We found it much more reasonable to say they are in charge of their own hours, just as at college, but that we’d keep a phone by our bedside so just phone us if there’s an emergency, good night. </p>
<p>We got used to them waking up around 11 a.m.</p>
<p>I can’t see why evening hours are anything to even discuss any more once they hit college. </p>
<p>I know every family is different, but this is ours, and we normally are very conservative on some family issues – but not this one.</p>
<p>After the kids went to college we agreed on no curfew; during high school their curfew as midnight. BUT, if they were not going to come home for the night (which happened a good bit as they would end up staying with a large group of high school friends at one of their homes,) they were to call us by midnight. They also would call just to give us a heads up as to where they were; this was just for a piece of mind for me, knowing what part of town they were in.</p>
<p>The kids really have no problem with this arrangement. As a matter of fact, my son is home for a year after finishing his Masters and working for a year before heading to medical school in the fall. He still gives us a call if he is going to be out late. I think they understand that they really are a guest in our home so to speak, and they know that they owe us the courtesy to keep us somewhat informed of their whereabouts. </p>
<p>Yes, they come and go as they please at college, but when they are home they revert back to some of our rules.</p>
<p>I recently heard a House Master say that the busy time for him (because of the social activities going on in the House) is 9pm to 2am.</p>
<p>S has gone to midnight movies. I feel that, as long as he is not making a racket when coming home, he can stay out as long as he wants. I trust him not to get involved in inappropriate activities such as underage drinking when he goes out. He does let us know when he expects to be home late or not being home for dinner, etc…</p>
<p>chevda - in total agreement; I was in shock when D told me her a capella group meets from 11PM-12:30AM Mondays and Wednesdays, but at a much more reasonable hour on Fridays - 4-5:30. It amazes me that those are the hours they have to pick to work around everyone’s schedule.</p>
<p>If your son came home sober, I’d suggest you keep your mouth shut. He’s only home for a short time. Make it as enjoyable as possible. If you don’t, I’m sure he can find things to keep him busy on campus…and maybe all next summer.</p>
<p>My son stays up until 4 or 5am on weekends. He did this at home, but now, at college, he’s got company! I wouldn’t try to restrict that, personally, on a visit home because I know he would never disturb our sleep. He’s always done his school work and kept his end of the bargain.</p>
<p>I think that there is an obligation of anyone spending the night in a household to communicate specific plans and schedules, and not to disturb the sleep schedule of others. As we get older, most of us do better on a fairly regular sleep schedule, and many of us have problems sleeping through the night…any disturbance in the middle of the night by folks coming home is enough to ruin the night’s rest. This does not work well in most families. It sounds reasonable that these are young adults with their own schedules and habits, but if they are at home, they must be careful not to disrupt the lives of others. A tired set of parents is a cranky set of parents…fair warning.</p>
<p>My daughter is not a night owl, but she’s home on fall break right now, and a different stereotype seems to be holding true.</p>
<p>What they want the most is to see their friends. And the greatest concentration of their friends is at our nearby flagship state university. The place seems to be full of visitors this weekend who are on fall break from other colleges. My daughter was over there most of the day, talking with a succession of different high school friends. It’s nice that these kids are still keeping in touch, even though those who didn’t go to the state university have scattered in many directions.</p>
<p>My S has Fall break next weekend. He is a jr. I fully expect him to be out with friends as much as he possibly can. He will call us if he plans to spend the night out. If he doesn’t call, we just go to bed at our normal time and assume he’ll be home sometime before dawn,lol. He comes in quietly and never wakes the rest of us up. He has always been a night owl.</p>
<p>I think they are now old enough to keep their own hours.</p>
<p>I also think that courtesy to those you live with involves keeping them free from worry. After all, DH is plenty old enough to keep his own hours; but if he is out at, say, a golf event followed by dinner… I would be very very worried if midnight came and went and he weren’t home. He would call if he were going to be out later than usual.</p>
<p>My solution with DS works very well. If he is going to be out later than midnight, he is to call my cell phone and let me know. If I have gone to bed, I will have turned the cell phone OFF. So I won’t be awakened. But if I should awake and realize he is not yet home, I have only to check my cell phone to know that all is well.*</p>
<p>Works for us.</p>
<p>*If he hasn’t called my cell phone and left a message, it is fair game for ME to call HIM. ;)</p>
<p>College students sure are on a different schedule. </p>
<p>Son talks about meetings that start at 11:00 PM, studying until 3 and 4 AM (or all night), and of course the ubiquitous socializing until the wee hours. </p>
<p>When he comes home, he’s up until the early hours of the morning- watching TV, playing video games, studying (yes, I’ve actually caught him doing math problems at midnight- guess he’s really bored?), playing pool, you name it. The only thing I ban is playing the drums that late (don’t want the cops knocking at the door). When he goes out- I only ask that he is safe and stays out of trouble. And no beer pong on the ping pong table.</p>
<p>No fencing in the house - ever. (exceptions made if you really MUST try out that new epee blade; consult parent)</p>
<p>If you are not going to be home by midnight and you haven’t called home, don’t count on dinner the next night. (I can be just as rude!) (never actually had this problem though. Kids are good about letting me know…)</p>
<p>No stay-over guests of opposite gender sleeping in your room. Fill up your siblings rooms with guests of appropriate gender. </p>
<p>Be considerate of parent who might be working next morning - especially with 7 people & one bathroom. </p>
<p>If you use the car, put gas in it.</p>
<p>Haven’t had any trouble yet (but I really do have a bittersweet feeling about them growing up! Miss my babies, love my grown-up kids!)</p>
<p>Timely thread…S home for 1st time this weekend. Got together with friends for HS homecoming today. Friends were supposed to come over to our place this evening. Around 9:30, H thought S had been stood up. HA! They walked in the door at 10. Lord knows when they’ll go home.</p>
<p>^^LOL woody. You think they have no social life because it’s 8:00pm on a Saturday night and they’re still hanging around the house. Ha! They don’t even start thinking about thinking-about what they’re going to do until 9:30 or 10:00! When did the whole social time clock change? I can assure you we do not have after hours clubs in our little corner of the world :o.</p>
<p>jmmom - what we figured out this summer since we kind of lifted curfew for just high-school graduated D was she just needed to let us know where she’s at. If she was leaving one place and going to another and it was after midnight, she was to text message my cell phone. If I’d wake up and she wasn’t home, then I could look at my cell phone and be able to tell where she was. The text message wouldn’t wake me up, but was more easily accessible if I didn’t turn the phone off. Since we lifted the curfew, this was a compromise. Don’t know what we’ll do when she comes home for the first time at Thanksgiving, but I do agree that common courtesy should be taken into account.</p>