<p>So, I’m about to turn 50. And I really don’t feel bothered by it and I never put much stock in the whole middle-aged crisis thing, but I have been feeling incredibly sad lately. Yes, there is the empty nest, but I was fine with it last year. And yes, other every day stresses such as a dog with cancer and a job I dislike. But I am generally a very positive upbeat person. Lately, I am constantly on the verge of tears. Is this hormonal? I have no other signs of menopause. Just unsure what to do and how to shake this off. Thoughts?</p>
<p>{{{hugs}}} rockvillemom – I’m sorry for how you are feeling. You have been a wonderful source of information and support to so many of us. </p>
<p>I think (sorry if I’m off base) you’ve been in go-go-go mode for a long time, with work and getting kids in college and there’s always been a task or a goal that was challenging and fulfilling, and maybe now…there’s not a clearcut goal. And that’s frustrating, and a little sad.</p>
<p>Or maybe it is just a change of life thing. I know personally, I can hold it together until something minor just hits me and I have to suppress the urge to cry (suppress just because I’m in public or at work).</p>
<p>In terms of shaking it off, I don’t know if that’s possible. I think you have to just cry sometimes. Do you feel sad when you feel like crying, or is it just a desire to cry, you cry, and it’s over? Is it more like a sun-shower, weather-wise? Vs an actual weather pattern?</p>
<p>I hope I’m making sense. I feel that way too a lot and I’m much older than you (51 :)). </p>
<p>Hang in there.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you are feeling down. I think this happens sometimes in life and we only know in retrospect why. </p>
<p>It’s okay to be sad sometimes. I think we sometimes fight that even when it’s a healthy response to life, change, even just the end of one more summer. </p>
<p>If it lasts too long, you can always get some counseling.</p>
<p>First of all, don’t assume it’s not hormones - it very well could be. Regardless, I think it would be a good idea to pay a visit to a doctor you trust —one who can discuss everything you are feeling, along with other important factors such as diet, exercise, etc. One common reason for feeling like you feel is low thyroid … it’s often undiagnosed. I was diagnosed at 16. If I didn’t have such a good doctor, I am certain it would have been dismissed as “being a teenager.” Don’t let your feelings be dismissed as “being 50.”</p>
<p>P.S. I passed 50 a few years ago … it’s not all that bad. ;)</p>
<p>Classof2015, I’m 51, also! I’ve been going through the same thing lately. Two of my kids are ill, but they are actually doing remarkably well now. I still find myself very sad. Happy, old songs even trigger crying bouts, maybe because it reminds me of how much I liked college and hoped for the same for my kids?</p>
<p>I’m seeing a counselor once a month, but I may increase the frequency of the appointments. </p>
<p>poetgrl is right - it’s OK to be sad sometimes!! I’ve always tried to be an upbeat, positive person, but I’m trying to go easy on myself when I feel sad.</p>
<p>Interesting responses, thanks. I do feel unentitled to be sad - like I should count my blessings and be thankful I don’t have a real crisis on my hands. So, maybe I need to give myself permission to be a little sad right now. I also think the comment about lack of goals was accurate - I feel very much like I am just treading water right now. I do take meds for low thyroid and had bloodwork done recently, so I know that’s ok.</p>
<p>The other thing that’s odd is that I have lost nearly 40 lbs in the past 5 months. And while I’m very happy about it - I look much better, move better, etc., it has not been the magic cure-all that I expected. I guess I thought that losing weight would = happiness, and while I’m glad I lost it, maybe it doesn’t solve everything. And I have lost my favorite way to make myself feel better - eating! This evening would have been a great day for a long walk, but it was pouring out. Maybe I just need some new coping strategies.</p>
<p>Rockville, I sympathize! In the last 10 months the job that I loved has become awful, my mom passed away, I turned 50, S2 left for college (with a major that I fear is out of his reach) and I’ve gained 7 pounds.</p>
<p>Just like you I am randomly very sad (3 years into menopause so can’t blame that) and I feel guilty that I’m healthy and employed!</p>
<p>Going to visit a new church Sunday and hoping to make some new friends! And installed ‘my fitness pal’ on my phone tonight. Plan to start tracking my calories tomorrow! Good luck to you!</p>
<p>I went through the same thing. I went to see a counselor who suggested that I see my doctor, who prescribed the lowest dose available of hormone therapy. I was back to my usual self within a week and have been fine since (over a year).</p>
<p>I was resisting hormones for the other menopause symptoms, but I was a whole different person with the mood swings.</p>
<p>Don’t discount the state of the world. I sometimes wonder how people cannot be affected when so many negative things are happening, and with today’s technology, one really can’t escape it. Seeing misery in other parts of the world, as well as fearing for our children’s future certainly can put one in the dumps. For those of us who want to protect our kids, even grown ones, from the world’s evils, knowing that it’s not possible is quite depressing.</p>
<p>Go see your gynecologist or primary care manager for a complete check up. </p>
<p>The worst years for me, in terms of feeling emotionally stable, mental healthy and on an even keel, were the peri-menopausal years, right around age 50. </p>
<p>Once I hit actual menopause a couple of years later, I once again felt like myself.</p>
<p>My advice is, accept it as part of life and try to learn from it. If you need to talk to someone, try therapy before meds. Issues are real.</p>
<p>When my dad died, I entered a 2-year depression. I re-thought my relationship with him, renewed my commitment to work and career, and rediscovered what an amazing, supportive, loving, and intelligent wife I have. That my kids were young and around certainly helped. Beyond the occasional sip of wine, I took no meds and kept exercising. I emerged feeling stronger and much better about my life and family.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>^^^Lots of good advice here. I lost my dad in November and have spent the last two years dealing with unemployment, H’s health problems, bosses from hell and almost losing our house. Sometimes all you can do is hang on until the tide washes out again …
ETA: That which does not kill us really does make us stronger!</p>
<p>I do believe lack of goals contributes. Set new goals for yourself. Those closets you never got to. And don’t set unattainable goals. Take baby steps and pat yourself on the back for each attempt. </p>
<p>You mentioned walking. Find a gym that has an indoor track and an indoor pool. Start swimming. If not a swimmer. Water walk. Water exercise class. The best therapy. </p>
<p>If you don’t want to commit to a full time volunteer job. Put yourself down as a sub. I substitute for Eucharistic adoration at my church. Because I work and cared for my mom. I couldn’t sign up full time. But up my name as a sub. Occasionally someone will call for a sub when they can’t make it. And if I’m available. I say yes. It feels good to help out. But don’t have the pressure that I Have to be there every week </p>
<p>I’ll be 52 in a couple of weeks. Only son is about to graduate college. And last parent just passed away. I can totally relate to what you’re going through</p>
<p>Good luck and God bless</p>
<p>I think it is a combination of everything. It stinks that menopause, empty nest, losing some physical endurance, coming to terms with your job and position, parent care and loss all seem to naturally occur at around the same time.</p>
<p>I have resisted meds but have been sad, overwhelmingly at times, for quite some time now.</p>
<p>I can’t seem to get motivated to get into anything either. I do find myself trying to encourage others to the point that I’m probably a pain in the arse.</p>
<p>I need to work on myself, on my life, but I can’t seem to kick start it.</p>
<p>So no advice ; just commiserating.</p>
<p>Rockville - Boy can I relate! Just feels like there should be more! In a job I am sick of, but it provides security for my family so I continue to stick it out. S1 graduated college and is job hunting. Will definitely not be home long! S2 in college and desperately trying to exert his independence (read that as little contact). I too lost weight… 38 lbs! Feels great, but doesn’t cure the blues. I think I need a new project! Something fulfilling!</p>
<p>Let me know when you figure it out… ; )</p>
<p>I am also at this point (53). The situation with my folks keeps getting worse with no “end” in sight. This is the first year we have not had a kiddo around. Yesterday I defrosted my chest freezer and I told a friend that putting my head in the oven was the other option. It feels to me like life is spooling out of control though on a good day I can reel it back in a little.</p>
<p>I am trying to regain some control of my health and hope to use that as a foundation for the other things. I’m running more regularly, trying to lose the weight and taking a Tai Chi class.</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about your rough patch 
I hope you feel better soon!</p>
<p>I have very little personal experience with most of your post, but I understand completely about having a sick pet. It can take a lot out of you. I saw my mom go through this when our dog had cancer, but it wasn’t until one of my pets developed a mystireous and, after many tests, still undiagnosed, digestive issues that I really started to understand how it feels. It takes a lot out of you. There are the ups and downs, depending on how they are doing, and some days it just feels scary and maybe even hopeless. The best advice I got was that they can feel human emotion, and you should try to be as optimistic and positive as you can for them. Also, I think it’s important to be thankful for all the days you have together, especially the good ones and realize there WILL be ups and downs, and it’s not the end of the world. Things can and do get better.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, my girl is hanging in there, and I am learning some toughness from her 
I hope your pooch gets better too.</p>
<p>Just want to chime in and send a hug to those experiencing the blues. I certainly have gone through periods where I’ve felt the same. Last spring oldest D graduated from college and I had about a month long period where I would just start crying at the smallest thing – totally out of character for me. Afterward, I blamed it on hormones and the reality of where I am in life (could I really have a child old enough to graduate college? Where had my life gone, etc.) </p>
<p>Fortunately I’m better and the blues just hit on odd days but I do know the feeling…whoever said having a big project to work on helps was right on for me…youngest is now applying to college so that helps, along with a few other things. When my youngest was entering 9th grade, a wise friend looked ahead and suggested 4 of us take a bridge class. Took awhile to get the hang of it but am I glad I play now – have made lots of new friends through the process too.</p>
<p>Hang in there and I hope we all remember to be good to ourselves!</p>
<p>RVM:</p>
<p>Mazel Tov on your weight loss! I’m trying to lose 10-15 pounds and this is only day two. Maybe in a few months I’ll have the weight off. How’d ya do it?? 
</p>
<p>Listen, I can totally commiserate too. In fact, many, many of us can! I read an interesting article a few months ago, I wish I had saved it, about how there are two large dips in people’s lives when they feel things are out of control. One is early on…I think in the 25-30 year age frame and the other is for us in the 50-55 year old age frame!!!</p>
<p>If you only knew what I’m juggling over here on my plate, I’d probably put a smile on your face…you would say, “Boy, I’m so glad I don’t have her problems”! ;)</p>
<p>It’s a tough time of life… our kids are going off to college, leaving college, entering the work force and becoming adults, our parents are getting older and needing lots of care…</p>
<p>Every day I wake up and I thank goodness I have a good life and as bad as things are in my life right now, they can always be worse. So I try to have a good attitude every day.
Not easy to have a good attitude. You can definitely take time to feel sad…it’s perfectly acceptable! And then move on to better thoughts and don’t dwell too much on the negative.</p>
<p>I think you were looking for a new job a few months ago? Whatever happened with that? Maybe you’ll continue to look for something more fulfilling even if in a whole different career choice? Hope you get over this patch, but also realize everyone goes through it and it’s normal!</p>
<p>From a medical perspective, the 40 pound recent weight loss is a bit of a red flag. Assume it was from dieting?</p>
<p>Rapid weight loss can cause significant vitamin and nutrient deficiencies, and stress to your body. I suggest going to your doctor and getting a physical with full blood work, get your vitamin D levels checked (especially if you live in northern climate), and in addition to whatever else the doc puts you on, take a multivitamin with minerals once a day and a calcium/vitamin D supplement (I get both at Costco).</p>
<p>At 50, menopause is around the corner, and can make previously entirely solid emotions turn into crispy crackers. Talk to a trusted OB/GYN about trying some plant estrogen extracts or other hormonal alternatives for a time.</p>
<p>And lastly you may just have the beginning of a biological imbalance that could turn into a nasty depression. The newer antidepressants have minimal side effects, and you would know very quickly if they are effective. If nothing else works, try that.</p>
<p>But if sadness is unexplained and persists more than a month or two, DO SOMETHING before it gets out of hand.</p>