<p>In response to inquiries: yes, it was a public school, 99% African-American, and an African-American principal doing her darndest to bring up the reading levels. She perceived teacher face-piercings as unnecesary distraction to the young children because we always had our faces right in the kids’ faces to teach them their sounds and letters. </p>
<p>None of the college applicants showed up with piercings. I hope that, had someone applied who was from India, I’d have brought it up with her as a separate discussion, but that didn’t happen. Knowing her, I think she’d have made that singular exception because it was culturally authentic from that applicant. </p>
<p>I’m not judging the principal’s correctness, but reporting the story as an example. The OP wondered if employers “might” be biased against piercings, and in this case, yes, one was. </p>
<p>College students, who care so much to gain a first position in the workforce, might rule themselves out. Piercing their nose to spite their face. Sad but true. In myyyyyy day, it was long haircuts on boys, but they’d go get haircuts before job interviews.</p>
<p>My daughter got her nose (and ears) pierced in India.</p>
<p>She e-mailed that she was thinking about it. I e-mailed back (jokingly) that maybe she should just get a sari instead and left it at that.</p>
<p>Frankly, if that’s the biggest thing I ever have to worry about as a parent, I’ll thank my lucky stars. Not a big deal. Realistically, what can ya do about it anyway? </p>
<p>I was much more concerned about paragliding off a cliff in Argentina. But, I couldn’t do anything about that either.</p>
<p>I pretty much convinced my daughter against getting a tattoo by pointing out how badly they age. </p>
<p>One of my female coworkers recently got a tattoo on her belly just above the hip. Another woman and I looked at each other and laughed - it sure won’t look pretty during and after pregnancy.</p>
<p>I appreciate all the responses to my original post. In the end, I really don’t know what DD will do. She has always been very open and honest with us, and I think her mentioning the desire for the piercing wasn’t to ask permission, but to get our feel (again) for it. Personally, I am very turned off by nose piercings, as is my husband. DD is aware of our position on them. If she does it, we certainly won’t be angry. Disappointed? Probably. I can’t help the way I feel. She’s eighteen and I wouldn’t think of “forbidding” her. Ultimately, it is her decision. She did ask our opinion, though, and we gave it. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised that she would really consider it. Up until two years ago, she still cried every time she had to get a shot at the doctor’s office. </p>
<p>I have no idea what the cost of the piercing would be, but if she decides to go ahead with it, she will have to cover all associated costs out of her pocket. We cover $10k per year for tuition and fees (she gets ~$20k per year in scholarships) and pay her car insurance. She pays for entertainment (movies, concerts, food not covered by meal plan, etc.) If she decides to get the piercing, nothing will change. I’ll still love her with all my heart, I’ll still look forward to seeing her at any opportunity available, and I’ll still happily write those checks. In the grand scheme of things, I agree that if this is the worst thing we have to worry about (and so far, in 18 years, it is), then we are pretty darned lucky.</p>
<p>For years, I’ve said that if I were writing a book on contemporary parenting it would be titled YOU PIERCED YOUR WHAT?</p>
<p>I feel fortunate that we’ve not had to deal with this. I recently met a friend of D’s who had her tongue pierced and two eyebrow rings… for me it was a case of not trying to stare and not trying to obviously avert one’s eyes.</p>
<p>D has told me of another friend who had the, umm, <em>most</em> sensitive part of the nether female anatomy pierced…I shuddered just to contemplate it…and then she told me <em>why</em> said friend did it. Urrrr.</p>
<p>So, in comparison…an extra nose piercing? I’d not care for it but in comparison? Cut cards and deal.</p>
<p>From all these stories, it sounds like it is pretty common. I have to say that I have two daughters, ages 18 and 20, and neither have ever been interested in piercings or tatoos. They did have their ears pierced (one hole per ear) in elementary school. So, I can’t relate to having been through any of this. </p>
<p>I can relate to those who mention a kid who was afraid of shots up through teenage years. That was the case with my youngest daughter. Imagine, therefore, what it was like for me (let alone her) to have to give her a big shot every day for six weeks in her STOMACH following her injuries and hospitalization. We had a whole “routine” for that one.</p>
<p>Anyway, I agree that once a kid is 18, it is their decision to make. Still, if my kid asked my opinion, I would give an honest one, but make sure they knew the decision was theirs. I would express my own preferences. In this case, I don’t really like nose piercings. I guess I won’t be facing this one as my kids have no interest in that. But as others say, there are far worse things.</p>
<p>Oldest S had grown a beard. For medical school interview I prevailed upon him to wear a dark suit, and remove the beard with the proviso that if accepted he could do whatever he wished. He was accepted and regrew the beard and
pierced an ear. With time he tired of the earing, but kept the beard.</p>
<p>I don’t think beards are going to get the same reaction as much in an interview type situation as facial piercings, fair or not. It could be a generational thing, but beards have been commonplace in all generations, whereas the facial piercings are more common with the current young generation and so not all older people will take as well to it. For the record, my husband is a doctor in a health profession and has had a beard the entire time he was in training and the entire time he has had his license. Actually, come to think of it, in looking over post #47, I’m chuckling as my husband doesn’t own a suit.</p>
<p>Um, I’m having trouble understanding why this is even an issue. It’s her body, right? Why is it even any of the parents’ business??</p>
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<p>Exactly. Be concerned if she has drinking/drug problems, not what sort of fashion she’s into. People have been marking and piercing and otherwise mutilating their bodies since primitive times. Unless it’s extreme body mutilation (like getting a forked tongue or permanently damaging some body part), I say leave it alone.</p>
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<p>True. It wasn’t too long ago that young men would get ruled out because of their long hair. Now it’s no big deal (except in ultraconservative communities) and many older executives have long hair. So tell her that it might affect her employment options and then let her make her own decision as to whether it’s worth it to express herself that way. She can weigh it out and decide. She might not want to work someplace that would rule her out on account of something like that anyway.</p>
<p>Facial piercings still aren’t too common in mainstream places but you can usually find 1 or 2 in any given office. So it’s getting a bit more accepted. Probably a few years from now it won’t be a big deal.</p>
<p>Well then why don’t they just tell her what they thought and then leave it at that? Maybe I misinterpreted, but it sounded to me like they were disapproving and she was trying to get permission. Maybe I skimmed over the posts too quickly and jumped to conclusions. Sorry.</p>
<p>edit: OK I just reread the original post and this is what it says:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So, why are they expecting her to respect THEIR wishes about what she does with HER body? (again, as long as it is harmless.) I wonder if maybe they would be embarrassed by her when their friends come to visit? Is that it?</p>
<p>"Oldest S had grown a beard. For medical school interview I prevailed upon him to wear a dark suit, and remove the beard with the proviso that if accepted he could do whatever he wished. He was accepted and regrew the beard and
pierced an ear. "</p>
<p>Husband has had a beard for at least 35 years, and I’ve seen no evidence it affected his professional or graduate school opportunities.</p>
<p>My boyfriend during my year at Stanford had a beard and was in Stanford medical school. I doubt that he shaved it before applying.</p>
<p>When I was in my doctoral program in psychology, the chair of the department and some other professors had beards.</p>
<p>I don’t think having a beard would keep a person out of graduate or professional school.</p>
<p>Nose piercings are not only acceptable but will not raise a single eyebrow for about 1/6th population of the world (at least). Future employers are as likely to be Indian as Chinese, Swedish or American. It might be even be a selling point! What is culturally correct for one is not so for someone else and cross-cultural adaptations are common in the modern world–Indians cut their hair (used to be considered a sign of rebellion) and wear western clothes and American kids pierce their noses, wear henna tattos or permanent tattos (again common in many parts of the world and cultures)–isn’t that what globalization is all about–not just learn about tradition of other places by exoticising them but incorporating them into your lifestyles? Contrary to what an Indian girl posted earlier, nose piercings are considered chic in elite circles in India–the fashion comes and goes like everywhere else–it was considered chic during my college days, 25 years ago, though I was too sqeamish personally to endure the pain. Yes, rural women wear nose-rings as part of their traditon but many traditional clothes and practices make a comeback amongst the urban chic in slightly modified forms. I don’t quite know the history of piercings in America but young Amercians of today probably draw inspiration from various sources–not just to ‘rebel’ against their ‘traditional’ values–whatever they maybe. As far as original poster’s concerns–I have no opinion–it depends on the parent-child dynamics.</p>
<p>The problem with posting here is that everyone thinks that the person is asking for advice. I believe that lots of people post (myself included) just to get opinions and perhaps not follow any of the emphatic advice. Or they think that the person is posting something that’s really important to them, but maybe (like this post) it’s, hey my daughter is thinking of getting a piercing, I don’t like them, what do you think? And instead of getting our opinons, the op gets advice on parenting. It’s sometimes a brave person that tosses out a quick “what do you think?” post.</p>
<p>I’m just happy that DD followed my suggestion to wait a few months before shaving her head completely bald like a friend of hers. Surprise, surprise; several months later, she no longer had the urge to be bald!!! Mommas are always going to give advice if asked by their daughters. It sounds like the OP was giving advice in the best kind of way; knowing that she would be heard, but also knowing that the decision was not hers to make. :)</p>
Perhaps it’s a matter of respect for her parents’ opinions and yes, even a desire to please her parents. What’s wrong with this? I hope my daughters continue to do the same for me.</p>
<p>But I still don’t understand. Why would you consider it disrespectful to YOU if one of your daughters chose a fashion that you didn’t like? Why would it displease you in the first place?</p>
<p>Didn’t you ever have the experience of growing your hair long (if you are male) or wearing a short skirt (if you are female) and not understanding why your parents made such a fuss? Why would you WANT to impose your fashion preferences on someone of a different generation? Sorry to be so persistent, but I just don’t get how it would be disrespectful of someone to dress as they wish. And I also don’t get why the parents even care, unless it’s some sort of status thing and they are concerned about what their social circle is going to think. Which is really snooty, imo, if that’s the reason.</p>
<p>lealdragon:
I think you misread my response. I stated respect for her parents’ ‘opinions’. Perhaps she thinks her parents have more worldly and business experience and perhaps she believes they make good judgments. Perhaps she perceives value in their perspective if they express distaste for certain methods of dress and and other ways she presents herself. </p>
<p>It can also be a matter of degree I suppose. You indicated you’d have a problem with a forked tongue. Why? It’s their body. What about that guy who’s trying to turn himself into a tiger (I don’t know if you’ve seen him)? I don’t care if he does it but I wouldn’t want my daughter to. What if your daughter decided to dress in a very inappropriate way - would you express your opinion to her or just smile and say how wonderful her selection was? What if your daughter decided to tattoo inappropriate words or racial epithets across her forehead or stick a bone through her nose or perform other body mutilations prevalent in other cultures (maybe you can imagine some of the ones I’m referring to)? Would you sit idly by and say nothing since it’s her body? Is there basically nothing your daughter could do to her appearance where you would have an opinion of whether you felt she should do it or not?</p>
<p>I think that the wording of that one sentence, as i and others points out, is where the differences here are centered. I expect my kids to respect my opinion; I don’t expect that if, after hearing it, they make a different choice, that they have disrespected my wishes. It’s that “respect my wishes” phrase that seems plainly to go far beyond–“listen respectfully to my opinion.”</p>
<p>My mom had phrase she used when any of her kids was about to do something that she thought was a bad idea: “You’ll regret that.” She said it very calmly and dropped the subject. And she was ALWAYS, ALWAYS right!</p>
<p>BTW, H had a (very ugly, long) beard when we met. And “nerdier-than-thou”
black plastic framed glasses. Early on, he was showing me some pictures of his travels and I noticed a particular guy in many of the pictures. Thinking it was a friend of his, I said, “Who’s this cute guy?” He looked, started laughing, and said, “That’s ME!” (Clean shaven, with contact lenses). He knew he had me then–he shaved off his beard and proposed.</p>